Second Best
by FireWasp
Summary: Kyle's Mom is constantly comparing him to his genius little brother. Wanting nothing less than perfection, she really pressures Kyle about his upcoming SATs. Between the stress of that and discovering his sexuality, Kyle feels as though he has nowhere to turn. Kyle slowly falls apart, and Cartman realizes he isn't enjoying it as much as he should be... -KYMAN- Rate & Review :)
1. Chapter 1

South Park Fanfic

Chapter 1

-Kyman-

Hey this is my first South Park fanfic and I'm a huge Kyman shipper ;) so if you don't like it then byee. I'm not a very good updater but I'll continue this story if I get reviews/favorites that tell me whether or not you readers are enjoying it/want more! I hope you guys like. Rated T for language, sexual themes, and well… Cartman -,-'

_There will be no fooling around for the next four months. Do you understand me Bubbe? You have your SAT to study for. If you don't do well, your whole future as a lawyer will be thrown into the toilet. Just look at Ike. Don't you want to be like him? Already in college? What an amazing doctor he'll be one day. He's such a wonderful son, Kyle. I know you can make me almost as proud._

I stared at the ceiling, grinding my teeth together. Second best. It's not my fault I was born so ordinary. He's a prodigy, a genius, how can I compete with that? …Not that I wanted to.

I glanced over at the clock on my shelf. **4:34 am.** Just fucking fantastic. My phone vibrated from under my pillow and I pulled it out. A text from Stan? At least it was a distraction from my sleeplessness.

**U awake?**

_**Kinda.**_

**Dude this is the fourth night in a row u haven't slept. Wtf is wrong with u?**

_**Home stuff. Moms getting worse cuz of test.**_

**No I mean why cnt u sleep? Just close ur eyes and breathe. Not that hard.**

_**Shut up dude.**_

**Wanna sleep ovr tmmrw?**

_**Hell yeah but Idk if she'll let me. **_

**I'll get my mom to call ur mom and talk her into it. U need a break.**

_**Thx **_

**Np. I'm gunna pass out. Nite.**

_**Nite dude.**_

I smiled to myself as I put down my phone. It was an extremely long week, and my mom's constant bitching was really driving me insane. This test wasn't going to determine whether or not I'd be successful in life. I didn't even want to be a lawyer. But she doesn't care. I closed my eyes and listened to myself breathe for a couple hours before I get any sort of sleep.

Shit shit shit shit shit! I'm late! I slept for the first time in four days and now I'm late! Damn it! I barely made it to the school before classes started after missing the bus. Stan sent me like ten messages but I didn't find time to answer them. I slid into my desk just before first period, getting a glare from our sophomore homeroom teacher, Mr. Prickclit. Stan seemed to sigh in relief when he saw me and I sunk into my seat fishing my books out of my bag. My chest was heavy and mouth was dry, not to mention my throat felt like it was on fire. I heard a snicker behind me.

"I didn't know Kikes changed colors." Cartman snorted, pointing at my extremely red face. I shot him a nasty glare.

"Fuck… off." I whispered, still trying to catch my breath.

"What happened Kyle?" Stan asked under his breath out of curiosity. I looked at Mr. Prickclit who was writing away on the board, discussing world history. I looked back at Stan with dark circles under my eyes.

"I finally fell asleep after 5 I think… Didn't hear my alarm." I replied. Kenny leaned forward in his seat and pulled down his hood.

"Dude you look like shit." He said with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course he does. Daywalkers aren't exactly marathon runners, Kinnnny." Cartman sneered smirking at me. "Everyone knows you need to have a soul in order to haul ass properly."

"Oh right like you know anything about running fatass." I retort. Cartman's eyebrows scrunch up in a really amusing way. I knew I ticked him off, but I was too out of it to care. Something didn't feel right to me… But I didn't know what.

"Shut up Kahl you fuckin jew rat. I'm not fat anymore!" Cartman spat. "Besides it's not my fault your stupid mom's bitchiness is rubbing off on you!"

"Cartman I'm not in the fucking mood for this right now," I started, but the teacher's eyes were burning into mine. I swallowed, shutting my mouth.

"Pay attention in my class Brovolovski. This is your first and only warning." Mr. Prickclit growled. Cartman snickered quietly, but stopped when he realized the teacher was looking at him. Once he turned back to the board, I started taking notes. I felt something hit the back of my head and saw it was a scrunched up piece of paper. Feeling my temper rise, I opened it hesitantly and read Cartman's handwriting.

_Hah ur so pale Kyle ur getting more ginger by the fucking second stupid fucking ginger jew!_

I growled under my breath and tore up the paper, trying to focus on the lesson. I felt spitballs hitting the back of my neck and tried my best to ignore them. Plink. Plink. Plink. At this point, I was trembling in rage. I heard Cartman whisper, "Jesus Kahl, calm down. Theres way too much sand in your vagi-"

"I DON'T HAVE SAND IN MY FUCKING VAGINA!" I screamed jumping up to face Cartman, my desk falling beneath me. My hands were balled into fists and I was absolutely seething. Cartman blinked twice at me, a little surprised at my loud outburst, but that surprise quickly turned into an amused smirk. God, I hated that fucking smirk. I felt the teacher's hand dig into my shoulder.

"Kyle Brovlovski and Eric Cartman. Principal. NOW." He growled. I didn't even flinch, I just shrugged off the teacher's hand and stomped out the door. I was so angry! The hallways were completely empty as I went into the staircase. I knew the fatass was behind me, but I didn't really care.

"You didn't have to make a scene Kahl!" Cartman whined. "I was just fucking kidding."

Almost at the top step, I paused trying to think of a response. I found it strange that I couldn't think of one, and even stranger that the room started to get darker with each blink.

"AY! Keep going you stupid jew I aint got all day!" Cartman snarled. I heard him, but his voice seemed more muffled than usual. I couldn't push away the feeling that I forgot something this morning. As I tried to look over my shoulder at Cartman, everything started spinning and a nauseating dizziness took over me. I gasped quietly. _My insulin…_

"Jew?" Cartman backed up a step as I felt my hand go limp and fall from the railing. My ears started to ring as my body swayed, and darkness overtook my vision. _God damn it_.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews guys 3 I really like the feedback and it encourages me to write more chapters like these. Since this is my first SP fanfic I'm a little cautious but I will definitely continue if I keep getting feedback from all of you lovely readers 3 Thank you again!

_So cold… My feet are so cold. Why do my toes sting when I try to move them? And my mouth is so dry too… Come on eyes… open._

It took way too long for my eyes to flutter open, and when they did I was greeted by a blinding white light. My head sprung to life with a sharp pain and dizziness. Where the fuck was I?

"Kyle Broflovski? Oh good you're awake." A kind female voice rung in my ears. I groaned, tilting my head to the side so I could look at her. Everything was blurry, but I could make out the shape of a woman in a white coat. Had to be the nurse. "Sweetie, can you tell me if you're diabetic?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out as I felt my stomach churn angrily. Shit.

"Yeah he is." A familiar voice said on my left. I knew it was Cartman the second I heard it, but I didn't even have time to look up at him once I turned my head in his direction. I vomited violently all over his shoes, my body trembling. "AGH! FUCKING GROSS KAHL!"

"Oh my… It seems he hasn't taken his insulin shot this morning. This could be serious if he doesn't get it quickly. I'll phone his mother immediately." The nurse said and started to walk away. I panicked.

"No!" I cried out forcing myself to sit up, my throat painfully aching as I forced myself to speak. "Please don't call my m-mom! I can hold out until after school I promise!"

"I'm sorry sweetie, but if you don't get your shot in the next three hours, then you'll have to go to the hospital. And we can't have that." She responded and hurried out of them room. My trembling got worse, but I knew it wasn't from the nausea this time.

"These were new shoes you fuckin jew!" Cartman snapped, wiping the vomit off his feet. I barely heard him as I fell back, covering my face with my shaking hands.

"She's going to kill me…" I muttered, feeling my heartbeat in my ears. "She's going to fucking kill me."

"Ugh so what? You forgot your insuh whatever because you woke up late whats the big deal Kahl?" Cartman rolled his eyes glaring at me. I let my hands drop and looked at him unsurely.

"It's a very big deal, alright? …Hey… you brought me to the nurse instead of leaving me on the floor wherever I passed out. …Why?" I asked, confused. Cartman smirked in the way I hated.

"Because now I'm the concerned responsible friend who saved the diabetic jew's life. So I'm excused from class now, and it's all thanks to you Kahhhhl." He grinned at me, and chuckled when I scowled at him.

"I should've known you just helped me to get out of trouble. …But I'm sorry I puked on you." I muttered, feeling nauseous again. Cartman shrugged.

"Whatever. I'll send you the bill. I need new shoes now that these have your gross jew germs on them, asshole." He said. I glared at him, tightening my fist.

"I couldn't help it fatass! It's not like I- OW FUCK!" I cried out holding my stomach after feeling a sharp pain. Cartman looked somewhat surprised. The nurse came in and made me lay back further, feeling my head.

"Keep calm sweetie. Don't get so worked up. You have to keep calm and breathe until your mother gets here with your insulin." She explained and walked off. I felt sweat trickle down my face as I clutched at my stomach. God, I forgot how sick I could get without my insulin.

"…Jesus Kahl, the fuck is wrong with you? Skipping one little hit of insuh whatever throws you into withdrawal or something?" Cartman inquired, slightly amused. I raised my eyebrow, still taking huge slow breaths.

"Cartman… I'm not addicted… to insulin. I'm… diabetic." I breathed.

"I know that jew! But you're still addicted." He replied.

"No… I'm not… idiot… I need it… or my body… reacts like this… because of my blood su…sugar. I get dehydrated… and could go into a… coma if I… I don't get it." I managed to get out. Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Psh. Whatever Kahl. Sounds like withdrawal to me." He said, leaning back in the chair and reading a biography about Adolf Hitler. I groaned under my breath and eyed the sink. Fuck, what I wouldn't give for just a little sip…

"Hey Cartman…" I murmured, desperate. He looked up raising an eyebrow. "Do you think… you could get me some… water…?"

"Now now Kahl say pleeeaasseee… You gotta beg a little." Cartman taunted me, leaning forward with that fucking smirk on his face. I grit my teeth together and felt my face burn slightly.

"…..please?" I finally managed to ask. Cartman's eyes glinted happily at the sound of me begging him for something, and he got up and filled his empty water bottle with some of the water from the sink. He handed it to me and I reached out, but he snatched it back.

"Ah ah ah. First you gotta smile at me and tell me thank you and that I'm an amazing awesome and kewl guy." He snickered. I turned my head away from him angrily.

"Fuck you." I growled hoarsely. He shrugged and started to drink the water himself. I watched him jealously as he drank half of it, biting my bottom lip with need. God I was so thirsty… damn it. "Alright alright! Thank you Cartman you're an amazing awesome and cool guy. Now give it!"

Cartman beamed and let me snatch the bottle from his hand, watching me chug it down desperately.

"Wow," he laughed. "What a thirsty little jew."

"Shut up." I spat at him, throwing the empty bottle in his lap and shivering slightly. Just as Cartman was about to retort, I saw my mother through the window talking with the nurse. She turned and locked eyes with me. I looked away almost immediately, squeezing my eyes shut.

_How could this day get any worse?_

I must have nodded off in those few seconds, because I felt a harsh slap on my arm and groaned at the contact.

"Fuck you Kahl! You're not gunna go into some lame ass coma and leave me alone with your bitch ass mom!" Cartman snarled, shaking me awake. I struggled to keep my eyes open, my vision blurring again.

"My Moms…. Not a…" I trailed off with a loud cough and felt a sharp pain between my ears. "Shit… my head…."

"Heh you look like crap." Cartman chuckled almost nervously. "Stop being so dramatic Kahl, it's not like you're gunna die."

I watched the door as it swung open, my mom coming inside with the nurse who was holding the needle with my insulin. I tried to avoid my mom's gaze, but she grabbed my chin and jerked it up roughly. The room spun as I felt my face burn in embarrassment. Cartman was surprisingly quiet as my mom started to scold me, all the while her grip tightening on my jaw.

"I can't believe you could be so irresponsible Kyle! Now you have to have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so they can regulate you. This is absolutely unacceptable! I shouldn't let you take your insulin for another hour. That would teach you a lesson about responsibility." She growled at me dropping her hand roughly, her nails scraping against my chin. I felt my eyes water, but fought against them.

"M-mom no… please let me take it… I'm sorry." I almost whispered. She shook her head at me in complete shame. The nurse walked around the bed and stuck me with the needle. I sighed in relief, trying to keep my breathing steady.

"How could you possibly forget something so important? It's absolutely inexcusable!" She roared at me with a glare. "You will be severely punished when you get home! And you can forget about sleeping over at Stanley's house! You won't be going over there for a very long time, do you hear me young man?!"

"Y-yes…" I whispered, trying to sit up. "I didn't mean to forget mom. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? I could slap you right now." she snarled at me. I felt myself shrink. "I can't believe you could just FORGET!"

"Well maybe he wouldn't forget if you let him get some goddamn sleep you fat bitch." Cartman interjected with a venom to his voice that I couldn't help but shudder at. My jaw dropped at his comment and I looked at my mom who was flabbergasted.

"You… You insolent brat! Mind your own business! This doesn't concern you! This is between me and my son!" She spat at him. Cartman laughed.

"What? Are you gunna slap me too?" He snickered. "At least I helped Kahl to the nurse. You didn't even ask if the kike was fuckin okay."

"Cartman don't!" I hissed under my breath, but he just shrugged and left the room. I never saw my mother's face so red. She growled under her breath and grabbed my wrist so hard, I winced.

"We're going home right now Kyle." She snarled, yanking me off the bed so fast I almost fell over. The room spun violently as she started dragging me out the door. The nurse tried to stand in front of us.

"Please ma'am, your son should have some time to recover from-"

"I know what's best for my son. Now get out of my way before I complain about you to the principal, because mark my words _I will have your job!_" She exclaimed. The nurse bowed moved away without another word as my mom pulled me behind her and outside. She pushed me into the car and I cried out as I smashed into the passenger side door. She grit her teeth and unlocked the door. "Now get in."

I did as I was told. When didn't I?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Author's Note: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCHHHH I can't get enough of these reviews! As long as you guys keep sending me feedback like this, I'll keep writing! God I ship Kyman so hard it's starting to hurt lol. Alrighty then time for Chapter 3 :D

…..

I let my bookbag dangle close to the ground as I carried it in my right hand and dragged my feet through the fresh layer of snow. It was about 7 in the morning and I forced myself to get up early so I could get out of the house before anyone else was awake. As I neared the empty bus stop, I slowed down and let my thoughts wander.

No matter what I had to deal with today and for the week to come, I had to forget all about what happened last night. This was already proving to be a challenge, as each step I took was an excruciating reminder. I could do this. I practiced my excuses and now I knew how I was going to get through the rest of SAT preparation.

I finally reached the bus stop and dropped my bag in the snow. Looking down at my feet, I took a bottle of pills from my pants pocket and turned it around in my hands. The normal dose was two, but I highly doubted that would cover the pain I was going through. I popped four pills in my mouth and swallowed them without anything to wash them down. I sighed in exhaustion, burying the rest of the bottle in the depths of my bag. Hopefully that would last for the day. …Hopefully.

"W-well hey there Kyle." A voice said behind me. I jumped, startled, and turned to see Butters smiling at me. I swallowed nervously. Off to a great start Kyle.

"Hi Butters. …What are you doing here? Isn't there a bus stop near your house?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yes there is… but I came here so I could see you before school." He replied. "I wanted to come by your house last night, but I was playing pretend at home and well… I forgot."

"Forgot what?" I mumbled, lifting my head to look at him. He handed me a folder with my name on it.

"Our homework. I know its due today and all… but you can blame it on me and give it in tomorrow! I hope you're not too sore with me…" Butters said, looking guilty as I took the folder from him.

_You don't know the half of it, Butters._

"It's fine, dude. Thanks for getting it to me." I replied, trying my best to smile. It probably came off as more of a grimace. Butters looked satisfied either way, and awkwardly looked forward as we both waited for a bus that we were almost twenty minutes early for.

"…So I heard you got real sick yesterday. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better buddie?" Butters asked with genuine concern. I looked at him shook my head.

"No but thanks anyway. I'm fine now, I was just stupid and forgot to take my insulin yesterday that's all." I said. "…What happened after I left?"

"Well Eric came back to class and when we were being assigned our group projects, he told us all that you were going home. He was pretty mad about his shoes, after you threw up on them and all." Butters said. I rolled my eyes. Figured the asshole would mention that. "But then he got real quiet and said something about you being really unhealthy and neglecting yourself. He seemed real worried. I mean he did take you to the nurse…"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn't know what to say. Cartman? Worried? About ME? Yeah. Right.

"That's probably your imagination, Butters. Cartman wasn't worried about me. He just took me to the nurse to get out of trouble from our fight." I explained in a dry tone.

"Figures you would think that you jewrat."

I heard from that from a few feet away. I turned my head to see Cartman, Stan and Kenny walking towards the bus stop. I sighed and looked at Stan, who smiled the second he saw me and ran over to me. I was happy to accept the hug, until I felt a gut wrenching pain in my side at the impact. I held my breath, barely able to return his embrace as I blinked away tears.

"This is really touching fags, but get a room. Seriousleh." Cartman snorted, shoving his hands into his pockets. Kenny snickered and lowered his hood.

"You okay dude?" Stan asked me, letting go and scanning my pain-stricken face. I managed to nod and cleared my throat.

"Y-yeah… I just… I'm still recovering. I have a doctor's appointment after school today and I need to get my blood sugar regulated." I said, trying to keep my breathing steady as the pain slowly subsided. I thought drugs were supposed to be fast acting. What bullshit. Stan looked convinced, but Cartman was glaring at me suspiciously.

"What?" I sighed, returning his gaze. He walked over staring me down, his nose inches from mine. I felt my face burn slightly and backed up. "What is it, fatass?!"

Cartman's jaw clenched as his eyes burned into mine for a few more seconds, as if searching for something. I felt my mouth grow dry and my heartbeat escalate in my ears. …Why the hell was I getting so worked up? Stan and Butters looked very confused, but Kenny had a really stupid smile on his face. I looked back at Cartman who squinted at me.

"…Nothing." He said calmly and backed off, moving away.

"What was that about?" I demanded, getting nervous.

"I said nothing." He replied, now purposely avoiding my gaze. I growled under my breath.

"If you have something to say then fucking say it Cartman!" I exclaimed. Then he looked at me with that stupid, irritating, obnoxious smirk on his face! I clenched my fist.

"Temper temper Kahl." He replied. "You need to learn how to relax."

"You don't exactly make it easy for me to relax, asshole!" I spat at him. "What the hell is up with you? You're acting weird!"

"He's only acting weird because you're acting weird." Kenny interjected. I looked at him, raising my eyebrow. Cartman looked at him too.

"What?" Cartman and I both asked at the same time. We looked at each other and I felt my face burn again, so I looked away. Kenny started to laugh.

"Kyle, I don't know about Cartman, but Kenny's right about you. You've been so distant lately. I know studying is important, but your mom should understand that you have a life. If you let yourself get this stressed out, you'll never be able to sleep. And you'll go insane!" Stan exclaimed in concern. I was listening to him, but I couldn't help but think back to yesterday at the nurse…

'_Well maybe he wouldn't forget if you let him get some goddamn sleep you fat bitch...'_

That's right… Cartman stood up for me…

I looked over to Cartman who had already been staring at me. The look he was giving me was extremely intense, and yet, completely unreadable. The burning in my cheeks got worse and I looked down, kicking some snow.

"Look… guys…" I began. "I know I've been really busy lately and I know I haven't really been taking care of myself… but my mom just wants what's best for me and she's just encouraging me in a really drastic way. That's how she does things and when this test is over, she'll lay off. So let me handle it alright?"

The bus pulled up to the stop and the doors opened. Stan still looked concerned, but went on the bus. Kenny was still laughing under his breath as he passed me, and Butters followed. Cartman paused at the door, once again inches from my face. I felt my breath hitch in my throat.

"What exactly are you capable of 'handling' you weak jew?" he growled at me, his warm breath hitting my face. I glared at him, ignoring the inferno in my cheeks, and didn't answer him. "…I'm going to find out Kahl. If you think you can hide shit from _me_ than you're sadly mistaken."

"AYY!" The grumpy old woman bus driver snarled at us. "GET ON THE BUS NAOWWW!"

"Shut up you two faced bitch!" Cartman replied angrily.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" She demanded. I slid past Cartman and got on the bus, Cartman following.

"I said I need some new laced kicks. A jew puked on my old ones." He explained, rolling his eyes as he sat next to Kenny. I eased myself down in my seat next to Stan as the woman closed the bus doors.

"Oh alright then." She muttered and drove us to school.

The ride to the school was long and rickety. I had to bite my lip to keep quiet, my aching body screaming with every pothole we ran over. I just lied to Stan and told him I was still a bit nauseous, but I could have sword Cartman was glaring at me from the corner of his eye the whole trip. What was with him lately?

The day started to get a little better for me, no doubt because of the pain killers kicking in at some point, but Mr. Prickclit wasn't so sympathetic with me. He seemed convinced that I was faking it to get out of trouble just like he suspected Cartman had. He wouldn't even sign my excuse slip so I could get out of gym class. I wasn't looking forward to that. We were assigned group projects in Biology, so Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and I decided to tackle the project together.

In Calculus, Mrs. Fergleson surprised everyone with a pop quiz. I wasn't that phased, but I found myself incredibly distracted after I finished my test. I had handed in my paper and tried to work on my part of our group project while I waited for class to end, but I kept feeling my eyes creep over to Cartman's face.

I never understood why he took Calculus in the first place. He sucked at math! But it seemed like he was actually putting in effort with his work. I watched him write down formulas on the side of his paper as he frantically tried to figure out the solution. His brow scrunched up, eyes completely focused on his goal as a bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face… it was kind of… attractive.

I blinked a couple of times.

Wait… what the hell was I thinking?

"Take a picture jew. It'll last longer." He whispered under his breath, not even glancing over at me, eyes still glued to his work. I tore my eyes away immediately and felt my heartbeat in my throat.

_How the hell did he know I was looking at him?_

I forced myself to stare into space for the rest of the class, and when thoughts of Cartman tried to creep into my mind I did my best to change my train of thought. The bell rang and I stood up, bending down to get my bag. The pain had returned… and it was pretty bad. Hopefully the P.E. teacher would just let me sit out without giving me a zero for the day. I winced as I lifted my heavy bag over my shoulder and started for the door. Cartman passed me with a smirk.

"Your bag can't be that fucking heavy. So dramatic, Kahl." He said, amusement dancing in his eyes. I glared at him with all the hate I could muster.

"Go away Cartman." I replied in annoyance.

"Are you sure your ginger eyes don't want to absorb some more of my eye candy?" He asked flexing his biceps, which were actually quite large…

NO! Bad thoughts bad thoughts…

I shook my head, covering my burning face and tried to walk away from him. What the hell was wrong with me?

"You can't escape me yet Kahhl we both have gym remember?" Cartman grinned, easily catching up to me. I looked away quickly.

"Don't remind me!" I snapped at him slowing my pace, my side screaming for me to sit down. He unzipped his jacket and slung it over his shoulder.

"We're all heading to my house after school to work on our project. You should come over after the doctor's appointment." Cartman mentioned absent-mindedly. I swallowed nervously and he noticed. "…unless you're not going to the doctor's appointment anymore."

I stopped walking altogether. Cartman looked back at me with that sly smirk on his face. I was at a loss for words. How did he…?

"Come now Kahl, we mustn't be late for gym class." He chuckled and headed down to the locker rooms. I slowly followed.

No. No fucking way.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Dodge ball. Of all the fucking activities in the fucking world of physical education, it HAD to be fucking dodge ball.

_DAMN IT!_

I sat on the bench in the boy's locker room staring at the ground while everyone changed. I practically begged the coach to let me sit out, but he just wouldn't listen to me without an excuse slip. I could have taken a couple of pain killers, but they wouldn't kick in for a while. My best bet was to avoid the balls at all cost. That, or try to get out as soon as possible with the least amount of contact with the ball.

"You want to explain to me again why you wore your gym clothes to school?" Stan asked, pulling his t-shirt off. I looked up and shrugged, my eyes thoroughly examining his chest when his face was turned.

"I told you already Stan. I figured it would take less time. A-and it did." I muttered, feeling my face heat up as he discarded his pants and bent over to pick up his gym shorts.

"Whatever dude," he replied under his breath while pulling on his shorts. "That's pretty dumb."

"Yeah I know…" I said, forcing myself to look away. Stan was becoming a true athlete. He had a six pack, toned legs, and he had a nice ass to top it all off…

GOD DAMN IT BAD THOUGHTS BAD THOUGHTS!

I got up a little too fast and stood by the door, my back to all of my changing classmates. What the hell was wrong with me?!

_Stan's my best friend! I shouldn't be checking him out!_

"Out of the way, Jew." Cartman growled, pushing past me to get to the door. He shoved me right where I was sensitive. I cried out audibly, clutching the doorknob. Cartman looked back at me when I did and raised an eyebrow. "Jesus Kahl, don't be such a pussy."

I just groaned and went out to the gym as fast as I could. I couldn't let them think something was wrong with me…

"Mr. Broflovski, front line of defense." The coach said and blew his whistle, motioning for me to stand at the front of the red team.

_Damn it…_

I took one of the red scarfs from the coach's hand and tied it around my wrist, picking up a dodge ball. The rest of the guys and girls filed in, Wendy and Bebe included. I noticed Bebe's tank top was extremely low, revealing a lot of cleavage and rolled my eyes. Such a stupid tactic- trying to distract all of the guys with her boobs. I wasn't gonna fall for that stupid shit. I noticed Stan walk next to me, a red scarf around his ankle. Yes! He was on my team!

"Awesome Stan we're on the same team. Listen. I know I usually do all the catching, but I'm going to need to switch off with you just for today." I said, smiling at Stan hopefully. He waved his hand at me.

"Yeah, okay cool." He said nonchalantly and waved at Wendy who was on the blue team with Bebe, Craig, and Butters. She waved back as I tapped Stan on the shoulder.

"Pay attention Stan, this is really important. You catch today and I dodge. Got it?" I explained, getting nervous. He looked at me blankly.

"What?" he asked. I smacked my forehead as the coach blew his whistle for the game to begin.

"I said you-" I got cut off as Wendy smashed a ball into Stan's face. My mouth fell open as he rubbed his head.

"You're out Marsh!" The coach exclaimed.

"Oops… Sorry Stan." Wendy giggled as she and Bebe high fived. Stan just stood up with a lovesick smirk on his face.

"That's okay Wendy." He murmured and went over to the benches, shooting an apologetic glance my way.

"DUDE!" I yelled in aggravation, but I felt a strong hand abruptly yank me backwards. It was Cartman who was also apparently on my team. A dodge ball narrowly missed my face. I blinked a couple of times and he shoved me behind him slightly.

"Get your head in the fucking game jew! I'm not gonna lose to some stupid fucking GIRLS because of YOU!" he snarled at me and caught the ball Bebe threw at us. She flipped off Cartman and stomped away.

"S-sorry!" I yelled back, flinging a ball at a very distracted Kenny. It hit him in the arm as he was watching Bebe's boobs bounce back towards the benches. He shrugged and followed her so he could sit next to her and look down her shirt. I smiled, feeling accomplished.

"On your left Kyle!" Token called as he attempted to catch a ball Butters threw at Cartman, which was headed straight for me. I tried to dodge it, but it brushed past my ankle and the coach signaled me out. I tried to hide my relief! I was going to get out of the game for the rest of the period! No more danger!

As I walked towards the stand, I saw Stan's face contort and he pointed behind me. Before I could turn, I felt the ball smash into my side. The pain damn near blinded me. I fell to the ground, hugging my torso and trembling in agony. I heard Cartman laughing behind me.

"Hahahaha! That's what you get Kahl! That's what happens when you betray your team!" he exclaimed. Ah. So Cartman threw the ball at me. Why was I not surprised?

"Cartman you asshole! He didn't betray us!" Stan roared, going over to me. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. All I could feel was the pain from last night…

'_THIS is what happens when you disobey me, Kyle! You get punished!'_

"Well he should have been playing like he always does! He didn't have his fucking head in the game!" Cartman retorted.

'_Why can't you do anything right?!'_

"Hey Kyle… Kyle are you alright?" Stan asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I flinched at his touch. The coach blew his whistle to stop the game and walk over.

'_You act like worthless gahbage! Why can't you be more responsible?!'_

"Kahl stop being so dramatic! I didn't even throw it that hard! Jesus fucking Christ!" Cartman spat. I felt the coach start to turn me over.

'_Why can't you be more like IKE?!"_

I slapped the coach's hand away and forced myself up, my body screaming in protest. Everyone was staring at me as I grabbed my bag and ran out of the gym. The bell rang in the halls as I flew up the stairs and pushed past kids that were heading into the lunch room. I headed into the boys bathroom and locked myself into the last stall. The toilet was filthy, but frankly I didn't give a flying fuck. I slammed the toilet seat down, hugged my knees to my chest, and for the first time in years I cried my fucking eyes out. Her words echoed in my head as I muffled my sobs with my sleeve.

'_At this rate, all you'll ever be is second best.'_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Author's Note: Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews everyone Keep em' coming, I can't get enough! Lol love you all. Kyman fangirls unite!

…..

The bathroom fiasco lasted a few minutes. Once I was calm enough, I unlocked the stall and walked over to the sink so I could wash my face. I splashed the cold water in my eyes and felt instant relief.

"What the hell was that?" I heard behind me. I turned my head to see Kenny leaning against the wall, hood down and arms folded across his chest. I swallowed, my stomach churning.

"…How long have you been in here?" I asked. He rolled his eyes and handed me a tissue which I hesitantly took.

"Long enough. What's going on with you? You've been really out of it lately. And Cartman didn't even hit you that hard. I've been smashed in the back of the neck with one of his dodge balls before, and trust me, he wasn't even trying to throw it. Something else is going on." Kenny smirked. "And I think I know what it is."

"No you don't." I replied slightly irritated, wiping my face.

"You're gay right." He stated. Not even a question. I felt my jaw drop and spun around angrily.

"What?! N-no! No I'm not!" I sputtered, my face wanting to melt off my bones. "Y-you don't know what you're talking about Kenny!"

"Yeah. I do. Kyle, it's okay to be gay." Kenny replied, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off immediately, glaring at him.

"Kenny. I'm not gay." I growled. "I… I like girls."

"Yeah right!" Kenny snorted. "Bebe practically swung her tits around in front of you, and you didn't even glance at them. Plus you were all hot and bothered in the locker room when Stan was changing. You have a crush on him, don't you?"

"Shut up Kenny!" I screamed. "I don't have a crush on Stan!"

"But you do have a crush." He inquired, poking my burning cheek. "It's all over your face…"

"Kenny-"

"Is it me?" He asked, pursing his lips. "Cuz I swing both ways you know, Broflovski…"

"AAGH!" I exclaimed, shoving him off and opening the bathroom door as the bell rang for 8th period. "Stop fucking around Kenny! I'm really not in the mood for this, alright?!"

"Okay okay, calm your tits. We're sleeping over at Cartman's tonight after we work on the group project. See if you can come after your appointment. We'd miss you if you weren't there. Especially Eric." Kenny added with a chuckle. I turned around, my heart pounding in my head.

"Cartman shouldn't give a shit whether I come over or not." I muttered. "He just wants me over there so I do the project by myself while you all play xbox."

"Think whatever you want to~" Kenny sung and walked out with me, laughing. I caught up to Stan in the hallway who seemed relieved when he saw me.

"Great, Kenny found you. What's going on with you, Kyle?" He asked.

"A lot of things." Kenny snickered and I elbowed him in the arm. Stan cocked his head to the side.

"I'm just dealing with a lot at home right now." I said. Stan raised his eyebrows as if asking me to continue, and I sighed. "Look… Ike's still in college and my mom and dad have been at each other's throats. They're getting a divorce."

Stan and Kenny looked at me, eyes full of surprise. I kept my eyes glued to the ground, turning to my locker and opening it. I felt Stan's hand on my shoulder.

"Dude… that's rough." He muttered. "I know how you're feeling right now. You know you can talk to me right?"

I nodded and piled books into my bag, zipping it up.

"I'm sorry Kyle." Kenny said, looking genuinely guilty. I gave him a sad smile and shrugged.

"It is what it is. Let's just get to our last class." I replied and started to turn. I bumped right into Cartman who had apparently been standing around the corner the entire time. I felt my pupils dilate.

_Shit._

"H-how much did you hear fatass?" I asked, panicked. The look in his eyes was the same as this morning. Blank.

"Cartman don't you dare blackmail Kyle with this shit!" Stan warned, rolling up his sleeve. "I'll kick your ass if you do!"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, hippie. I'm not gonna blackmail your pussy whipped boyfriend." Cartman said, his eyes never leaving mine. I looked away quickly and hurried to the one class I didn't have with any of them.

After the four of us left the school building and parted ways, I waited until I was out of sight, and then headed home. I walked in the door and let my bag fall against the wall, heading to the kitchen. I heard the back door slam and jumped, slightly startled. I caught a glimpse of mom doing the dishes, her back to me.

"H-hey mom." I muttered. She said nothing, but let her arm drop from what she was doing to hand me something.

_It was my phone. _

I just stared at it, baffled.

_Why is she giving my phone back?_

"Take it Bubbe." She said, her voice surprisingly soft. I walked over to her and took it, trying to look at her face. She had tear stains on her cheeks. "Kyle…"

I backed away as she turned to me, fearful. She examined my face and sighed, her eyes watering again.

"Kyle, I need to talk to you. Mommy has been feeling very angry lately." She muttered. I blinked a couple of times.

_No shit._

"Your father just came for his things. He's going to be living across town from now on and… It's going to take us all some time to get used to this big change. …I didn't mean to lash out at you like that last night." She said, pulling me into a gentle hug. My head perked up. "I just need you to stay focused and listen to me. I did what I did because even Mommys can lose their temper."

"Mom…" I began. "I'm fifteen. …I'm old enough to understand what's going on."

She put her hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes, smiling slightly.

"I know, Bubbe. Its just… your brother is growing up so fast and so well. I'm worried you'll fall behind and start to become like your father. You're capable of much greater things Kyle, and I will do whatever it takes to encourage you to put in your best effort. I know things have been hard, but you've been slacking off. I'm not going to have that. You can be just as successful as Ike will be." She smiled. I felt an anger stir in the pit of my stomach.

_Stop comparing us._

"I was assigned a group project at school and its due in three days. The guys are having a sleepover tonight so we can work on it. I know you don't want me to get distracted from my SAT practice but this is a really important school project. Can I go?" I asked, almost holding my breath. She hesitated, but hugged me once more.

"Yes. You can go. But I expect three practice tests done tomorrow night." She mumbled into my shoulder.

"Do I really have to do three?" I sighed, regretting it immediately. Her hug became tighter around my waist and I whimpered in pain.

"Kyle. You do as I say without complaint." She growled. "This is for your future as a lawyer. I will not let laziness prevent you from getting a perfect SAT score. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes mom! Please let go…" I whispered, feeling tears sting in my eyes. She released me and pulled my chin up so I had to look into her eyes. They were burning with anger and determination.

"I love you with all my heart. Understand that everything I'm telling you to do is so that you will succeed. So you can achieve your dreams." She explained. I blinked a few times.

_You mean your dreams._

"I promise that as long as you listen to me and do everything I tell you to do, you won't ever need to worry about me… losing my temper again. I'm going to mold you and Ike into the wonderful men that you will become. Your father isn't going to take this away from us too." She growled and dropped my chin, turning back to the dishes. "Now go pack your bag and have some fun tonight. Get an A on that project Bubbe."

_She might as well have added an 'or else' to the end of that sentence…_

I rubbed my throbbing side and headed upstairs, the same uneasy feeling I had all night returning. God dammit mom was losing her mind.

I couldn't help but wonder if I was too.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey all! This chapter is going to be longer than usual :D A quick shout out to Silver-wolf-demon-girl for suggesting that I dabble in some Cartman P.O.V for a bit. This is going to be a hopefully successful experiment and I'm going to switch back to Kyle's P.O.V at the end of the chapter cuz of… something ;) ANYHOO, another shout out to ALL my lovely reviewers, THANK YOU: Cster, serendipityrain711, Kyle'sJew, Carlayyy, Mistress Of Craziness and symphknot :D I love you all! *heart*

Let me know if you like the different P. and if I should continue with it or not. I can always rewrite this chapter with just Kyle's P.O.V if you guys don't like it so just send me feedback!

…

_**Cartman's P.O.V.**_

I glanced down at my phone while pacing around my room. As I got a message, I felt my chest tighten.

'_You better have those cheese puffs. Im hngry as fuk. Stans already on his way.'_

They were still coming. I breathed a sigh of relief, and wrote out a reply.

'STFU poor boy. Ull get mah scraps!'

The tightness in my chest had yet to fade as I allowed my thoughts to return to the issue at hand.

_That fucking kike_.

What was wrong with him today? I mean being ginger and all must suck ass, but the fact that he was walking around like he was on eggshells really pissed me the hell off.

Oh yeah. That divorce thing he mentioned to Stan. I wonder why the fat bitch and her dorky jew man whore split up. And she was pretty pissed off at Kyle when he forgot his insuh whatever. What was that about slapping him? Hm.

_Oh well, not my fucking problem. …Then again…_

Was the jew coming or not? I scrolled down to his name and hesitated. He didn't have his phone on him at all today… Well it wouldn't hurt to shoot him a text.

'KYYYYLEE r u coming ovr after your not really doc apptmt? I want my stupid jew rat to do our workkkk!'

Perfect. Send.

"_You're lucky they want to come over at all, Eric."_

I glared over to my old toy chest which was wrapped in chains and duct tape. _Shut up._

"_They're not really your friends. You're not kewl. They just come because they feel bad for yewww…"_

"I'm warning you…" I growled, picking up a hammer and walking towards the chest.

"_But Eric… they hate yewww. Especially that adorable little jew-"_

"**SHUT UP KLYDE FROG!" **I screamed and flung my hammer at the chest, the sharp end digging into the side of it. **"YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT TONIGHT!"**

"Poopsikins?" I heard mom ask sweetly, poking her head in the door. "Is everything alright hun?"

"Everythings FINE Mom! Get out of my room!" I snapped. She just nodded.

"Okay snookiwookums. Mommy's leaving now for one of her special night time dates. I left you money on the counter." She blew me a kiss and I rolled my eyes following her down the stairs.

_God she looked like such a slut._

She walked out the door wearing fishnet leggings, high heels, and a trench coat covering her mostly naked body. I slammed the door and plopped down on the couch, holding my head in my hands. Maybe I shouldn't be having this sleepover in the first place. My phone vibrated and I pulled it out to check my messages, my eyes lighting up. I must have had the stupidest smile on my face.

'_Yeah. I'm coming fatass.'_

Sweeeeeet.

The doorbell rang and I rolled my eyes again, opening the cheesy poofs and turning on the television.

"It's open dammit!" I called out. Stan opened the door and walked inside with Kenny, both of them carrying overnight bags. I stretched out on the couch and put my hands behind my head. "What's up dickwads?"

"Gimme those fucking cheese poofs!" Kenny tore off his hood and made a dive for them. I held them up and he narrowly missed them, smashing to the rug. Stan laughed, hanging uo his coat on the coat rack.

"Sorry Kiinnee, but you gotta ask first. This is MAH house, therefore you must respect my authoritah." I snickered and he climbed on the couch next to me with a 'hmph.'"

"Is Kyle coming? Or should we start the project without him?" Stan asked, sitting down on the rug.

"HAH! That's funny Stan. Why start something a jew can do for us?" I snorted, resting my feet on the coffee table.

"He's got a point. I'm not in the mood to do work. Let's hook up your Xbox." Kenny chuckled. I shrugged in response and got up to set up the tv for it, throwing my cheesy poofs at the poor son of a bitch who looked like I just handed him a check for ten million dollars or some shit.

"Oh no no. We are NOT leaving it up to Kyle this time guys. He needs a break. I'm just happy his mom even let him come over here. We all have to do most of the work so Kyle can relax and maybe have some fun. That way he won't feel so stressed and-"

"JESUS CHRIST STAN! Shut the fuck up! We get it we'll do our part so the stupid kike can relax. Just stop running your fucking mouth." I snarled, then turned back to the tv. "I'm trying to concentrate!"

"Concentrate on what lard boy? You just have to hook up the xbox!" Kenny replied. I shot a nasty glare at him.

"Kiinee I swear to god I'll take my cheesy poofs back and you'll starve!" I yelled. Kenny shrugged and continued to stuff his face as Stan started to unpack his school supplies.

Kenny and I were in the middle of a racing game and Stan was starting the outline of our poster board, when there was a faint knock on the door. I threw my remote at Stan's head as I got up.

"Take my turn, hippie." I mumbled and went over to the door. I opened it and leaned against the frame with a smug look on my face. "Well well well. Looks like the jew has finally graced us with his almighty presence."

Kyle shot me an annoyed scowl and tried to push past me, but I blocked him with a giddy chuckle.

"Move out of the way Cartman!" He growled, his hands balled into fists. I smirked, watching his face turn an adorable shade of red. It had been doing that a lot lately.

_He's so cute when he's mad. Like a shaking Chihuahua._

"Would it kill you to say hello, Kahl? I am letting you come to MY house after all." I replied, raising an eyebrow. He just groaned under his breath. I folded my arms across my chest. "Well?"

"Ugh! Hello Cartman." He responded in a very monotone voice. I moved away, satisfied.

"Very well, you shall pass." I said as he shoved past me angrily. I laughed to myself and shut the door.

"Hey dude." Stan smiled at Kyle as he was focusing on the video game. Kenny waved at Kyle without looking up from the screen.

"Hey guys. So… what's the project on so I can start doing it?" He sighed, looking depressed. Stan paused the game and shook his head.

"We're all doing it Kyle. You need to relax." He explained and went over to the project that was sprawled across the floor. Kenny turned off the television and sat next to Stan on the floor. Kyle raised his eyebrows.

"You guys… are going to… work?" He asked, surprised. Stan nodded enthusiastically and I rolled my eyes, grabbing everyone's stuff.

"Yeah." Kenny replied, grabbing a few markers. Kyle looked at me, his eyes full of doubt. I glared back at him.

"Fuck you Kahl! Just because we're not greedy overworking grade grubber jew rats like you doesn't mean we can't do our fucking share!" I snapped. He seemed shocked at my outburst and then smiled a bit, which irritated me to no end. "What GODDAMMIT?"

"Why, absolutely nothing Cartman." Kyle replied with the most innocent look on his face he could muster. Stan and Kenny started cracking up at him flipping my own words against me. I growled under my breath, but I couldn't help but inwardly smile.

_You sneaky jew rat._

"WhatEVER. I'm bringing all of your stupid shit up to my room." I grumbled and headed up the stairs as they started to discuss what our project was about. I dropped all of the stuff in the middle of my room as soon as I got there and was about to head back, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a bottle roll out of Kyle's bag and under my bed. I nearly dove under my bed to retrieve it, almost getting stuck between the metal bars and the floor.

"_Fat fuck."_

_Klyde Frog… I swear to fucking god…_

I grabbed the pill bottle from under the bed and crawled my way out. Still kneeling, I turned the bottle around in my hands. It was still relatively full and the name on the label was _Sheila Broflovski_.

_Why the hell does Kyle have that fat bitch's prescription?_

I let my eyes slowly glide down the label, trying to find out what the pills were exactly.

'**TRAMADOL-ACETAMINOPHEN'**

"…_The fuck does that mean?"_

"I don't know Klyde Frog… But I'm going to find out." I muttered, stuffed the bottle in my jacket pocket, and headed downstairs.

The guys were really going to town on the project when I got there. I could see a clear outline on the poster board and smirked, sitting down next to Stan. Kyle looked up when I sat down and pointed to the loose-leaf paper next to the poster board.

"Alright Cartman, we're handling the poster. Think you can write up the first rough draft of the essay?" he asked me expectantly. I blinked a couple of times, lips pursed.

"Well, _jew_, it might help if I knew what the fuck this project was about." I replied. Kyle sat up.

"It's about the atom theory. Well… more specifically Dalton's theory of the atom which he bases off of Democritus's theory of the atom. Dalton added four new ideas about the atom. He thought that all substances were made of atoms, which are small particles that-"

"I know what goddamn atoms are Kahl!"I snapped. "I wrote notes too you know!"

"You did? I thought all you ever did in class was gossip to Butters." Kyle muttered with a slight chuckle. I growled under my breath, glaring at him.

"You'd think you_ would_ notice I was taking notes this week JEW, since all _you_ ever do is stare at me in class." I said, my nails digging into my palm. I watched with glee as Kyle's face once again flooded with color. Kenny and Stan looked at him in curiosity.

"No I don't!" Kyle snapped, nostrils flaring.

"Yes you do!"

"NO I DON'T CARTMAN!"

"YES YOU DO KIKE!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Kyle snarled, jumping to his feet. I also sprung up, grabbing the collar of his shirt.

"THEN DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!" I screamed back, yanking him forward, my eyes burning into his. He winced as if in pain and I loosened my grip immediately. Jesus was Kyle really this much of a pussy?

"Just fuck already." Kenny muttered, and Stan shoved me away from Kyle who was looking away and blushing furiously while resting his hand on his side.

"Shut up Kenny." He spat and started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" I demanded. He flipped me off as he started to climb the stairs. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the project.

"Cartman why do you have to be such an asshole?" Stan demanded when Kyle disappeared upstairs. I didn't respond as I started to write the intro to the essay. Kenny sighed and sat back on his elbows.

"I'm hungry." He muttered to me. I pointed at the counter and Kenny walked over to it. "…This is money. Not food."

"Obviously Kiinnee. Go pick up a pizza. It's five blocks away and they don't deliver." I explained getting irritated. "Then you can come back and we can finish this outline."

"Why don't _you_ get the pizza? We're _your_ guests!" Kenny retorted. I sighed.

"Yeah but _you're _the one who wants the _food KIINEEEE!" _I exclaimed, my pitch high and annoying. He covered his ears and groaned.

"Alright alright! Stan come with me will you?" Kenny grumbled, pulling up his hood and opening the door, money in hand.

"Dude… ugh fine. Cartman don't kill Kyle while we're gone." Stan said walking over to Stan while pulling on his gloves.

"I'll think about it." I said under my breath as they closed the door. I spent a few minutes writing until I heard the door open upstairs and an aggravated groan. I smiled to myself as Kyle appeared at the top of the stairs, practically fuming.

"Cartman…" he snarled through gritted teeth. "Where. Is. It?"

"Why Kahl," I replied in false shock, my hand on my chest. "Whatever could you mean?"

"GOD DAMN IT CARTMAN YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

Kyle stomped down the stairs, his jacket wide open revealing his pajamas underneath. He kicked the pen out of my hand and glared down at me. I stood up folding my arms across my chest and looking him up and down. He seemed uncomfortable.

"Wh…where are Stan and Kenny?" he mumbled. I laughed, advancing on Kyle. He backed up, his eyes full of fear as I walked closer and closer to him. "C-Cartman…"

"They're not coming jew, so you might as well save your screams." I teased, grabbing the flap of his green hat and playing with it. His face almost turned purple as he blinked, his eyes almost pleading. I rolled my eyes and stopped, dropping my hand. "Jesus Kahl, I'm just kidding around. They went to pick up a pizza so calm your perky tits already. Why are you acting so fucking weird around me?"

"…W-well why did you take my pills, fatass?" he replied hesitantly. I pulled them out of my pocket and held them in front of his face, shaking them slightly.

"What? These? These pills?" I taunted. He tried to grab them, but I held them up high and he missed.

"YES! Those Cartman! Give it back fatass!" Kyle snapped. I raised my eyebrow and he seemed to shrink. "Ugh… please give it back, Cartman?"

I lowered my arm and let him snatch the pill bottle, opening it and taking three of them. I watched him as he swallowed them and closed the bottle, shoving it in his jacket pocket.

"The dose is two." I said. He looked up like I just electrocuted him.

"What?" he asked blinking rapidly.

"I said the dose is-"

"No no I heard you, I just… why do you give a shit?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Who said I gave a shit? Maybe I'm just curious about what they are, why you're taking more than the normal dose, and why you wore your faggy pajamas under your clothes!" I snapped at him, feeling my face heat up. Kyle stared at me wordlessly. I grew impatient and pointed at his pocket where the pills were. "What the fuck is Tramadol-Acetaminophenanyway?"

"…It's a pain reliever. For my um… headaches." He responded, starting to walk away. I grabbed his arm roughly and held him there as he struggled. "Cartman let GO!"

"Take off your shirt." I growled under my breath.

"WHAT?!" Kyle exclaimed, struggling even more in my grasp. "Fuck no! GET OFF ME!"

I spun him around and clawed off his jacket letting it fall to the floor carelessly. He cried out when I jerked him forward, my hands gripping the front of his pajama top where the buttons met and lifting him off the ground slightly. The top button was straining under my strong grip.

"Kahl I swear by the moon and the stars and the fucking sky, I will tear this shirt in half if you don't show me what you're hiding!" I exclaimed, shaking him slightly. He tried to push me off again, but I was much MUCH stronger these days.

"Fine FINE! Just let go alright?!" He begged, trembling slightly. I let him go and backed off as he unbuttoned his shirt, cursing at me under his breath. God, if his face was any redder it would be a tomato. Kyle had his back to me as he slowly peeled away his shirt, revealing creamy white skin underneath.

_Wow… daywalkers have beautiful skin…_

Kyle sighed which broke me out of my daze and I looked up as he slowly turned around, his eyes full of embarrassment and shame.

"Cartman… please don't tell anyone…" he pleaded, completely facing me. My eyes were instantly glued to the large collection of bruises that decorated the jew's frail torso. The smaller ones were on his right side and were yellowing. But the left side…

"C-Cartman?" Kyle asked, obviously way too vulnerable for his liking. I felt my legs move forward, my mind fuzzy with a feeling I couldn't exactly come to terms with. The sight of that large black, blue and purple monstrosity comfortably splattered across Kyle's defenseless body… I wanted to cry and punch something at the same time. In my daze I reached out towards the bruise that had my chest tightening and my stomach churning. Kyle squinted his eyes shut, but I really didn't care.

…

-KYLE'S P.O.V-

…

_He touched me._

I expected him to reach out and shove me right where he knew it would hurt, just because he could. But instead he just… touched me.

His hand was warm and soft. I hardly felt the contact against my injury, he was so gentle. I think I forgot how to breathe. He stepped closer to me, gently stroking my skin where it hurt and I felt my knees buckle as I shuddered at the sensation. The sensation was so inviting… I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes taking in his scent. This was so _wrong… _but it felt so right.

And just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

"Put your shirt back on…" Cartman muttered, hiding his face from me. I pulled my shirt back on, buttoning it up slowly.

_What was that?_

I tried to say something, but nothing came to mind. I shoved my hands in my pockets and sat on the couch looking away as Cartman went to the kitchen and started moving things around. I winced as I heard him slam a pot down loudly, staring down at my hands which rested in my lap. I crossed my legs in a pathetic attempt to hide my blatant excitement, beyond embarrassed. There was no doubt in my mind at this point.

_So I'm gay, huh?_

"It was your mom, wasn't it?" Cartman's loud voice caught my attention and I looked towards the kitchen as he stepped back in the living room, hands shoved in his pockets. I stared into his eyes and was shocked to see them filled with concern.. and anger. But concern nonetheless. Cartman. Was concerned. About _me._

"I asked you a fucking question Kahl!"

I looked away from him and said nothing, but eventually nodded. Cartman walked over and sat down next to me, leaning forward in an attempt to find my gaze. I let my eyes wander back to his and he clenched his jaw.

"She has no right." He said plainly. I blinked at him, and somehow found my voice.

"…You don't get it." I said quietly. He seemed enraged by this.

"The fuck is there to get?! She got dumped by your dad and now she's gone fucking batshit! She's losing control of the family she once knew and now she's taking it out on you!" He snapped, his breath hitting my face. I swallowed nervously, tears pricking my eyes.

_Don't cry. Not in front of Cartman._

"She said she wouldn't lose her temper again…if I-…" I managed to whisper, my voice cracking. I looked away, but Cartman cupped my cheek and jerked my face back to his. He was inches away from me.

"If you do whatever she wants whenever she wants you to? And what will she do when you tell her you don't want to be a lawyer? What then?" He asked, his eyes searching my face.

"H-how did you-"

"I actually listen when you talk at lunch. Even when half the shit you say makes you sound like a fucking r-tard." He replied, dropping his hand from my face. I had to smile at that. Wow. I smiled. It felt weird to genuinely smile. "You listen to me jewrat. If she ever tries that again, you contact me. Text me. Call me. I don't give a fuck how you do it, just do it."

Once I actually processed what he told me to do, I nodded. He seemed satisfied at that and moved away, flipping the television back on. I stared at him and didn't care that he knew.

"Cartman?" I asked, my voice quiet.

"Hm?" he replied, not looking at me. I sighed, picking at the skin on my thumb.

"…Why do you care?"

"…I don't know. I just do." He said, looking at me with the most confusing expression. It must have matched mine perfectly. I felt my heart flutter as he smiled at me sadly. The door opened and his expression suddenly contorted. He shoved me off the couch and I landed on my ass with a wince.

"Cartman what the fu-"

"GIVE ME SOME SPACE YOU FUCKING KIKE!" he snarled as Kenny and Stan walked inside with a pizza box. I sighed and leaned against the leg of the couch.

_I just don't understand him._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Author's Note: 25 Reviews. TWENTY. FIVE. REVIEWS! *Dances on the roof* Oh my gosh I love you all! :D I'm so happy that you like reading this story as much as I like writing it! I'm going to aim to make my chapters just as long as the last one, if not longer! So thank you all and keep sending me the feedback. It's greatly appreciated. God I can't wait for a Kyman episode this season… Well lets get on with it :) This chapter is entirely Kyle's P.O.V. Cartman's P.O.V. will come back very soon I promise.

…..

Stan, Kenny and I finished the poster board in less than an hour which gave us plenty of time to chill out. The pizza was gone almost as soon as it came through the door, most of it eaten by Kenny. Surprisingly, Cartman only had one slice. I was floored.

"Uh, Cartman… you do know theres like two more slices left, right?" I asked, getting a dark glare from Cartman who had been scribbling away on the floor. Stan laughed a bit and took a paper bag from Kenny, drinking from the bottle inside it.

"Shut up jew. I'm on a diet." Cartman muttered, turning back to his work. Stan choked, spitting out what he was drinking all over me. I shoved him in disgust, wiping my face with my pajama sleeve.

"YOU?! On a DIET?!" Stan exclaimed between choking and laughing hysterically, almost dropping the drink. "No fucking way dude!"

"Hey, watch the booze Marsh." Kenny snatched the drink back eagerly, taking a swig. "So a diet huh? Who the hell are _you_ trying to impress?"

"None of your goddamn business poor boy!" Cartman snapped, his nose turning a slight shade of red. "As if I would tell you losers anyways."

"Kenny…" I muttered in annoyance. "Alcohol? Really?"

"It's Friday night, Kyle. Live a little will you? You really need to loosen up." Kenny replied, took another swig, and passed the bottle to me. I took it hesitantly and held it up to my nose, sniffing. My nose instantly scrunched up at the putrid smell and I shook my head, offering it to Cartman who waved it off in annoyance. Kenny snickered. "What's your problem?"

"I don't feel like having a hangover tomorrow morning dipshit." Cartman growled under his breath. Stan raised his eyebrow.

"Oh really? What are you doing that's so important anyway? Going to a _gym_?" Stan snorted, snatching up the bottle from my hand and chugged some down. He obviously did this a lot… I'd have to have a talk with him about the dangers of alcohol. I noticed Cartman shift uncomfortably.

"…Yes actually." He finally murmured. I shook my head.

"No way dude." I said. "There's no way you would waste your time on a gym."

"You don't know anything Kahl!" he snapped at me, turning to face me. I raised my eyebrow, unconvinced.

"Oh yeah? When did you start going? And how much is the membership?" I replied with a sly look on my face, folding my arms across my chest. His eyes narrowed.

"The membership is 18$ a month and I… I was going to start tomorrow!" he lied. I couldn't help it. I joined Stan and Kenny's laughter which pissed him off even further. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME YOU GUYS! I'M SERIOUSLY!"

"Wh-… ha… why the fuck would you want to go to a gym?" Kenny asked through his boisterous laughter. "You're Eric fucking Cartman!"

"Maybe I just fucking want to you ass licking dildo!" Cartman snarled, grabbing Kenny by the collar. He kept laughing as he was lifted off the floor.

"C'mon Cartman there has to be a reason." Stan chuckled. Cartman dropped Kenny and glared at us, clenching his fists.

"Is it so hard to believe that I want to be healthier, assholes?!" he yelled. I smirked.

"Yes."

The look he gave me was one of pure hatred. I felt a rush of warmth shoot down my spine as his glare hardened.

"Maybe I'm fucking sick of you calling me a fatass." He growled.

"Well that's just too bad. I'm sick of you calling me a kike, but you still do it!" I replied. He rolled his eyes.

"But Kahhll, you _are _a kike." He whined.

"NO, I'm Jewish! Kike is a rude, ignorant, and degrading term for my people!" I exclaimed. Cartman scoffed.

"Oh. Right. Like fatass is any better."

"It's your own fault that you're fat!" I retorted. That seemed to send Cartman over the edge.

"No its not you fucking RAT! I grew up this way! I'll always be big boned! You fucking toothpick, I should kick you in the NUTS! I could break you in fucking half!"

"…Goddamn it Cartman!" I growled under my breath. He had me there. The anger instantly receded from his face and was replaced with That. Fucking. SMIRK. "Wipe that damn smile off your face!"

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh! I could kick your aaassssss." He sung to himself, sitting back down by the paper he was writing on.

Stan pulled me back and sat me on the couch when I was about to go over to Cartman and kick him in the face. I sighed, folding my arms across my chest. I hated feeling defeated. He handed me the bottle which was almost empty. I looked at Stan unenthusiastically pushing it back towards him, and he just laughed as he pushed it back to me.

"There's one sip left dude. You need to relax." He said. "You can't get drunk from one sip."

I sighed and pressed my lips to the bottle. Cartman and Kenny watched as I drank the little bit of vodka that was left. The liquid ran down my throat and stung on the way down. My eyes watered at the scent of the strong drink and I choked, wiping my mouth as Kenny and Stan cheered.

_Gross…_

"Welcome to manhood, Kyle." Kenny chuckled and slapped me on the back. "If you like that, you should come over Sunday and smoke with us. Vodka and weed make it easy to believe in paradise."

"I don't like it. That was nasty. It smells almost as shitty as it tastes dude." I said, eliciting a small smile from Cartman. Stan looked at me like I was crazy, shrugged, and grabbed the xbox remote. Kenny turned on the television and started playing against Stan as Cartman spent half his attention watching them, half his attention writing away. I leaned back on the couch and picked up my SAT practice test book.

_Might as well get started so I don't have to deal with so much tomorrow…_

A couple of hours passed and my phone vibrated in my pocket, breaking me out of my SAT trance. I slid it out of my pants and opened it, my eyebrows shooting up.

**Ike.**

'_What the fuck is going on at home bro?'_

I swallowed nervously. _Shit shit shit…_

"Everything okay Kyle?" Stan asked noticing my expression. I nodded quickly.

"Y-yeah… Just texting my brother." I replied. He looked concerned, but said nothing and turned back to his game. I felt Cartman's eyes burning into me, but I pretended not to notice and turned back to my phone.

'Things are really weird since divorce finalized. Mom's kind of different now. I haven't seen Dad since the blowout.'

'_Dad called me. Said he's worried about you being at home without him. The fuck does that mean? Is Mom okay? Different how?'_

I bit my lip. He didn't need to know what was going on. He had enough shit to deal with right now. He didn't need more drama from anyone else. Especially my drama.

'Forget it. How is Dad?'

'_Kyle don't fucking do that shit. What is going on with mom? Dad's a wreck. He's drinking again.'_

Oh no…

'I'll go talk with him. Mom is fine she's just a lot more tired and sad now. Don't worry about it ok?'

'_I'm coming home.'_

SHIT!

'No! Don't! You're in the middle of the semester dude!'

'_Idgaf. I hate being here when you're getting a shit storm.'_

'I can handle this Ike. Please just finish the semester?'

'_You're a bad fucking liar.'_

'Please? You'll make it worse.'

…I hated sending that. But it was the truth. He took a while to respond to that.

'_Fine. But you better keep me updated bro. Don't talk to dad.'_

'Why?'

'_You don't know what he's like when he's drunk'_

'Alright. Nite.'

"Kyle?" Stan slurred. I looked up, putting my phone away. "I'm going to bed upstairsss… Cartmann I'm ssstealing your bed."

"Whatever." Cartman muttered, lost in what he was doing.

"Me too." Kenny yawned and put the remote next to me. "You two behave while we hog that king sized marshmallow in your room."

While Stan tripped up the stairs, Cartman acted as though he hadn't heard a word, completely focused on the essay draft I asked him to write. Kenny raised an eyebrow and nudged him with his foot, which got Cartman's eyebrow to twitch slightly.

"Did you hear me? Me and Stan are gunna hog your bed." He chucked, trying to get a response. I was shocked when Cartman continued to write. Kenny looked irritated at this, and glared. "Oi. Tubby."

"Fuck off McKormick!" Cartman snarled, kicking him in the shin. Kenny cursed under his breath with a slight laugh in his voice, running up the stairs as fast as he could go. I watched him disappear behind the railing and looked over at Cartman who was skimming through my SAT book.

"Cartman!" I exclaimed, but didn't make an effort to grab it. He smirked as he flipped through the pages, reviewing my work. I sat back in the couch, my arms crossed once more. "I don't know what you're looking for."

"Mistakes." He replied. I raised an eyebrow as he quickly read each page. I couldn't help but scoff.

"You automatically know what I did correctly? If you think I'm going to believe that-" I began, but trailed off as he smiled and held up the answer key. I groaned, taking the book back. "I didn't even get to the essay part yet…"

"Finish it tomorrow. You got all of the multiple choice right. I don't know why the bitch beats you over this shi-." I cut him off smashing my palm over his mouth, my eyes burning into his.

"Shut the fuck up they'll hear you!" I whispered harshly. Cartman grabbed my wrist and shoved my hand away laughing whole heartedly. I felt the tips of my ears get warm.

"Silly little Jew! They're both hammered. I doubt they'll be hearing anything for the next few hours." He replied and stood up, snatching my book back once more. I tried to grab it this time, but he held it away. I glared up at him with all my might as he taunted me. "Ah ah ah. You need to have some fun."

"Fun?" I chuckled, my eyes burning with sleepiness. "I don't remember what that means."

"Exactly." Cartman responded and threw one of the Xbox remotes at me. I was able to catch it and stared at it in my hands as if it was an ancient relic from some lost civilization. "I bet you can't beat my high score, ginger."

"You're on asshole." I retorted, gripping the controller.

An hour or so later, Cartman switched off the television. I came so close to winning, but he managed to beat me by a few seconds. Typical. He was in the middle of gloating when I noticed it was 3 in the morning. I yawned, stretching out on the couch after Cartman took his controller back.

"I almost won." I murmured and he laughed again.

"Psh, as if I would ever let _you _beat _**me**_. Anyway, aren't you glad you didn't break my Xbox 5 years ago?" he asked settling next to me on the couch. "Heh. You were so pissed."

"…Yeah. Because you gave me _fucking AIDS._" I growled, kicking him slightly. He grabbed my foot and held it there as I tried to pull it back. "Cartman let go."

"Yeah yeah leave the past in the past Jewrat. I cured you didn't I?" he smirked, dropping my foot and letting my leg rest across his. I blushed slightly, picking at my fingers again.

"Yeah. …Can you believe they thought we were lovers?" I laughed nervously. Cartman moved his leg letting mine drop, his face turning red as he looked away.

"…That was kind of awkward wasn't it?" he replied, lowering his voice. There was a long period of silence and he looked over to me, handing me the paper from the floor. "…I finished the draft."

"Oh nice!" I responded and took it from him, starting to read it silently. Halfway through I could hardly believe this was the same person who took the easy way out of all his projects. "…Wow. This is really well written."

"Don't act all surprised Kahl. I'm capable of anything." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone. I smirked and looked up at him.

"Anything huh?"

"Yeah. If I feel like it." He muttered, taking the paper back. "Now go to sleep jew. Your eyes keep fucking drooping and it's annoying the shit out of me. You look like you have a fucking disease. You know besides the whole gingeritis thing you already have going for yourself of course."

I yawned, laying back into the cushions. "Cartman…?"

"Ugh you never stop talking. What?"

"…I don't think you're fat. I mean- not as much as you were before." I muttered. There was yet another long awkward moment of silence. I heard the sound of him sitting up. The look on his face was of complete and total shock. I looked away.

"The fuck is up with you?"

"…Nothing. Forget it." I replied nervously. He started laughing again. Between gasps of laughter I could hear him say something like 'pussy whipped ginger going soft on me'. I grit my teeth. "Shut up fatass!"

"HAH! I thought I wasn't fat, Kahl! Make up your stupid Jew mind!" he howled.

"I'm not stupid!" I snapped back at him. He wiped the amusement from his eyes and sat back trying to breathe normally again.

"H…Hahaha… You're kind of funny sometimes. For a Jew." He managed to get out. I blinked a couple times and smiled slightly.

_Well it was sort of a compliment._

"Well at least I don't pretend to be an asshole all the time." I said, hugging one of his couch cushions. He raised an eyebrow after calming down from his laughing fit.

"What do you mean pretend?" he inquired. I leaned back and looked him up and down in thought.

"Well," I began. "I think I have you all figured out."

"Oh this I've got to hear." Cartman snorted. "The Jew's transformed into a psychologist has he?"

"Maybe." I pursed my lips mischievously. "I don't think you can handle it though."

"How can you play therapist when you don't even have your fucking life together?" Cartman asked, his hands against the back of his head as he sat back into the couch. "Yeah. We'll see. Let's hear it then?"

"I'll tell you in the morning asshole." I said turning over and burying my head into the pillow. "I think I can actually get some sleep tonight."

"Whatever, jewrat." Cartman muttered and turned off the light. All I could think about as I drifted into unconsciousness was the soft warmth of his leg against mine.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Author's note: I know I keep thanking you guys over and over, but this feedback is just incredible. I never imagined that my writing would attract so many people :) This chapter is really going to dive into Kyle's mind and may be slightly dark, so just a heads up! I hope you are all having a lovely week and I will try to update as soon as possible. Any kind of advice/critique is welcomed! So any suggestions you have for the direction of this story plot wise you can leave in the reviews and if I like it, I may incorporate it into the story in which case I'll give you a shout out :D I can't thank you all enough for all of the support you've given me for this story. Don't forget to favorite and follow! *heart*

….

'_I leaned against the wall, perched on the staircase and biting my lip nervously. This was the first time I had been bold enough to come downstairs during one of their arguments. Each night was getting worse and worse. Thank Moses Ike wasn't here to listen to them. I watched their shadows as they stood on either side of the dinner table going at it back and forth._

"_Sheila how can you say that about Kyle? He's doing his best in school."_

"_He's falling behind. He's the older sibling and I want both of my sons to succeed."_

"_He's going at his own pace! It's not his fault Ike was born a prodigy. They shouldn't be compared to each other like that. We don't need two advanced over-achieving sons. Kyle should be able to do whatever he wants to do! We don't even know if he wants to be a lawyer like I did growing up!"_

"_Your father and your grandfather were lawyers. They've led wonderful and successful lives! It's only natural to continue the cycle."_

"_Then why encourage Ike to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"_

"_I consider Ike to be our son in almost every sense of the word."_

"_Almost? ALMOST?! He IS our son!"_

"_Not by blood. It only makes sense that Kyle continues your legacy, Gerald!"_

"_You sound like my mother."_

"_Your mother was an intelligent and wonderful woman who took me under her wing! She was the only one in your family who didn't treat me like Jersey muff cabbage! She helped me understand how to be sophisticated and how to raise her grandchildren properly! There's hardly any trace of my past in Kyle and I'm going to keep it that way!"_

"_My mother was a selfish bitch who thought tradition and wealth were more important than her own CHILDREN! You're treating Kyle just like she treated me!"_

"_Kyle never told me he didn't want to be a lawyer! He knows what will help his future! And with the way he's going, he'll never get into Harvard like Ike! Kyle needs to be more like Ike! Ike is responsible, decisive and intuitive! Just like a Broflovski should be! And he's not even our biological child!"_

"_There's nothing wrong with Kyle!"_

"_There won't be when I shape him!"_

"_How can you say that?! He will never be on the level Ike is because he ISN'T IKE!"_

"_OH WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN GERALD?! JUST GIVE THE NEIGHBORS SOMETHING ELSE TO GOSSIP ABOUT!"_

"_IS REPUTATION ALL YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT?! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING TO KYLE!"_

"_HE IS JUST AS CAPABLE GERALD! I WILL SECURE OUR SON'S FUTURES BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR THE BOTH OF THEM! I WONT LET YOU RUIN WHAT YOUR MOTHER STARTED! KYLE WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL FUTURE!"_

"_This isn't about HIM, Sheila. This is about YOU. This has ALWAYS been about your dead dreams! About the future YOU always wanted for YOURSELF! A family you could TAKE CREDIT FOR!"_

"_GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!"'_

I gasped, jolting awake as the sound of the slamming door reverberated in my mind. I was breathing heavily, sweat gathered on my forehead, which made my hair stick to my neck. I looked around the room until my eyes found the clock on Cartman's television stand.

**8:30 am**

I rubbed my eyes and felt my head pound angrily between my ears, my nose filling with the smell of bacon. Stretching carefully, my delicate side aching in protest, I let my eyes wander towards the kitchen. Where I expected Mrs. Cartman to be, stood Cartman, in front of the stove while wearing a frilly pink apron and humming quietly. I smiled almost immediately, suppressing the nagging urge to laugh hysterically at the sight. I allowed my legs to swing over the side of the couch and stretched out my legs before my feet had a chance to touch the ground. Even if it was just a few hours, it was more sleep then I'd had in weeks. I continued to watch Cartman as he was preparing breakfast as if it was second nature.

_He must do this all the time…_

"You're up early." Cartman said, not once making any effort to look behind him.

"…You have good ears." I mumbled and stood up, a little shaky. I spotted my hat on the coat rack and wondered to myself when it had left my head.

_I could have sworn I fell asleep with it on._

"I don't need good ears to know when you're awake, Jew. Want some bacon?" he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Very funny fatass. You know I can't eat that."

"You don't know what you're missing, poodle head." Cartman snickered. My face flushed and I grabbed a pillow from the couch and held it over my ridiculous hair, trying to conceal it as I went for my hat.

"S-shut up!" I exclaimed and dropped the pillow, stuffing all of my hair into the green hat. I heard him laughing behind me as he walked over with a plate of food. "At least I'm not sporting a frilly pink apron! What a girly thing to wear!"

"I didn't realize kikes were so knowledgeable about fashion!" Cartman retorted. I was about to lunge at him, but he handed me a plate of food. I looked at it blankly, noticing the scrambled eggs, pancakes, and sliced apples. "Take it already! Jesus Christ."

Face ablaze, my eyes burned into his in an attempt to detect any sort of trickery, I took the plate from him. He chuckled and walked over to the kitchen sink.

"If I wanted to poison you I would have tainted the juice, dumbass. Oh! That reminds me! Here's your orange juice Kahhhlll." He sung, his eyes closed sheepishly as he handed me a glass. I scowled as I took it from him and sat down at the dining room table.

"Very funny Cartman." I mumbled. "…Thank you."

He seemed to get irritated as he got his own food and joined me.

"Yeah whatever. I'm kicking out Stan and Kenny at like 10:30. Bunch of fucking freeloaders." He said as he poured himself a cup of juice. As I started to eat, I couldn't help but revel in how good the food was.

"Wow Cartman. I didn't know you could cook! This is really good!" I exclaimed, eating quickly. I noticed him fidget in his seat and look away from me. I could have sworn I saw his nose turn red…

"…It's easy. My mom taught me how." He replied. "I'm okay at cooking. I don't know how to cook dirty Jewish food so don't ask me. …You talk in your sleep by the way."

I froze. He saw the panic in my eyes and started to eat his food so I could let what he said sink in. It took me a while to lower my fork, and when my hand touched the table I was able to force myself to speak.

"…w-what did I say?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly. Cartman shrugged and took a swig from his glass, draining it.

"You sounded like you were in pain. And you were moving around a lot so your hat fell off and I had to hang it up. I'm not doing that ever again. I was being nice cuz you haven't been able to sleep or whatever but next time I'll wake you up Kahl. I'm not your fucking maid." He spat. I nodded and went back to my food, my hand shaking. Cartman noticed and pointed at it. "Don't forget your insuh whatever. I'm not saving your ass again."

"I don't need another mom, Cartman!" I snapped at him, wiping my mouth. My plate was empty. I didn't realize I was so hungry.

"Psh I'd be a better mom than that fat bitch." He replied, smiling at my anger. I took my plate to the sink trying to convince myself not to give into him. "What did you finally realize that I'm right?"

_Shut up._

I growled under my breath, passing by him to get to the stairs. He stood in front of me, folding his arms.

"Just admit that she's a lunatic."

I felt the anger start to bubble in my gut as I clenched my fists. Once again he was taking things too far. I said nothing, my vision starting to distort slightly.

"Cartman…" I warned. My voice was dangerously low. "Don't."

"Just say it and I'll move. Say it. Say your mom's a big fat stupid bit-"

I slammed him into the wall, my forearm cutting off his air supply. Anger pulsed through me as I glared, my eyes burning into his.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" I snarled. He blinked in surprise, shifting under me. He grabbed my arm and shoved me off, much gentler than he should have. This wasn't our normal fighting. I was so fucking angry. I wanted to rip out his fucking throat! "DON'T CALL HER THAT!"

"How the fuck can you defend her?!" he demanded, moving out of the way when I lunged again. "Calm the fuck down!"

"NO!" I snarled. "I'm sick and tired of you telling me how much of a bitch my mom is! She loves me god damn it!"

"If she loved you she wouldn't beat the shit out of you Kyle!" Cartman snapped.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! WHAT THE FUCK DO _YOU_ KNOW ABOUT LOVE?!" I roared, seriously losing it. Cartman's eyes bore into mine, accepting my unspoken challenge.

"I know the difference between LOVE AND CONTROL! All your mom does is control you! She tells you what to say, what to do, what to believe, and what to fucking think! Look at how she's brainwashed you, you fucking JEWRAT! You're DEFENDING someone who did THIS to you!" He exclaimed, pulling my shirt up and revealing my bruise. I shoved him away instantly and tugged my shirt back down. I was seething at this point.

"YOU WERE BROUGHT UP WITHOUT ANY CONTROL! WITHOUT ANY BOUNDARIES! And ANYONE who is DIFFERENT when compared to _YOU, _you fucking EXPLOIT them and make them feel like absolute SHIT! And god forbid you don't get your fucking way! At least I was brought up to know the difference between right and fucking WRONG!" I snarled.

"At least I can hold my fucking own KIKE! You just let everyone walk all over you so excuse me for making fun of your pussy whipped attitude!"

"Why the FUCK have you taken it upon yourself to suddenly give a shit about my issues at home, ASSHOLE?!"

"I DON'T! I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!"

"AT LEAST I DON'T PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE I'M NOT CARTMAN!"

"I don't pretend!" Cartman snorted. "I don't know what the fuck you mean by that!"

"Yes you DO! You treat everyone like fucking shit all the time and then you just DO SOMETHING NICE! It's fucking STUPID! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE ME!" I threw a punch at him, but he caught my wrist and held it there. "LET GO DAMN IT!"

"Don't psycho analyze me KAHL!" He tightened his grip on my wrist. "You don't know what's in my head! No one knows what's in my head except me!"

"YEAH! BECAUSE YOU DON'T LET ANYONE IN! Not _STAN_ or _KENNY_! I know you fucking HATE me but all of us are still your friends!" I tore my wrist away from him, pushing him back against the wall. Something seemed to soften in his eyes.

"I don't have any fucking friends Jew! But at least I don't let people beat the shit out of me! At least _MY _mom isn't a bitch!"

"At least my mom's not a CRACK WHORE!" I replied in my anger, shoving him again. His face darkened. Cartman grabbed, spun, and pinned me in the exact spot where I had tried to pin him. I felt his body against mine and struggled to move, fearing that he would crush me. His grip was tight and merciless, my arms screaming at his touch. We were both out of breath and I could feel his heartbeat through his hands. When my eyes found his, my heart plunged. I snapped out of my angry rampage and almost pissed myself at his expression as he lowered his head to mine.

"Don't. Ever. Say. That. Again." He growled, his lips at my ear. "I will break your pale little neck so fast, you won't even have time to fucking blink."

I trembled against him and nodded, absolutely petrified. He let me go and I backed up to the stairs, watching him as I went. He stayed in the same spot, never looking back at me as I stumbled up the stairs to get my things.

_What the hell came over me? I've never been that mad…_

I fished my stuff out of Stan's and Kenny's, stuck myself with my insulin, and headed into the bathroom to change. Stan and Kenny were still fast asleep. Their snores were really loud. How the hell did they manage to sleep through our screaming fest? I pulled my clothes on quickly and packed my bag, heading down the stairs quickly. Cartman was at the table and didn't look up at me as I went over to the door. Even so, I paused for a moment and watched him sit there. I felt really horrible.

"…I'm sorry." I almost whispered. He didn't budge from his seat. I watched his fist tighten and his jaw clench.

"Fuck you." He spat.

I felt a stabbing pain in my chest and slowly walked outside, gently closing the door behind me. I was in such a hurry I forgot to brush my teeth. I could still taste the alcohol in my mouth and shuddered in disgust. It added to the dread I felt inside as I walked down the street, the cold wind stinging my eyes.

Wow.

I'm a total asshole.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Author's Note: Cartman's P.O.V is baaack :) Kyle and Cartman kind of do some ping pong this chapter lol *Yawn* What a long week! Sorry for the delay I know I usually shoot out chapters every night but I wanted to take some time with this one :) I hope it was worth the wait :D AND OMFG 41 REVIEWS IGDOSULKHCFILKSHNCLICHNZSIUTDFFFFFF… *dies* WARNING: Very dark themes this chapter. Self-harm included. I apologize in advance if this offends anyone.

….

…CARTMAN'S P.O.V…

The second he closed the front door, I picked up his plate and smashed it against the wall, watching as the shattered glass decorated the kitchen tile.

'_See? I told yooouuuu... I told you he would bring that up.'_

_Shut your goddamn frog mouth. He didn't mean it._

'_Yes he did. You see? This is why I told you to push them away. They'll never love you like I love you. They don't even like you.'_

"I don't care…" I mumbled.

'_Good.'_

"Cartman?" I heard Stan from the top of the staircase, but refused to look at him. I bit the inside of my cheek and tasted blood. They must have heard everything. Had they pretended to sleep while Kyle got his things?

"Why are you still in my house?" I growled under my breath. "You're awake so get the fuck out."

"Mot a fance fatass." Kenny added, joining Stan on the stairs. A massive wave of anger flooded through my veins as I felt my self-control rapidly fading away.

"Don't call me that." I rumbled, my knuckles turning white as I tightened my fists.

"Why? Is Kyle the only one allowed to call y-"

I flipped the table over with all of my strength, dishes and glasses clanging to the ground. The chairs fell over and Stan jumped back in fright. Kenny didn't even flinch as he pulled down his hood, his eyes burning into mine.

"Dude!" Stan exclaimed. I didn't even look towards him, my eyes still being held by Kenny's. I couldn't read his expression at all, but I didn't like it either. All I could hear was my own heartbeat which pounded violently in my chest.

"Run along now Stan. Eric and I have much to discuss." Kenny muttered to Stan in a semi playful tone, who stared at me wide eyed. He hesitated to move. "I'm going to handle this alright?"

Stan nodded at Kenny and rushed out the front door. I kicked a chair out of my way, but it somehow broke in half in the process.

"I don't have anything to say to you poor boy." I spat. He smirked.

"That's fine." Kenny replied, untying the blinds on each of my window's curtains. I watched him in genuine curiosity as he locked the door. "But you're going to hear me out. It's time you grew the fuck up once and for all. It's time to get some help Cartman."

"…the fuck do you think you're doing? What are you talking about?" I asked feeling myself get nervous. Kenny turned back to me and laughed in a dark manner. I felt anxiety build in my chest as he reached under his jacket and pulled out something. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. "…N-no…"

"Yes Eric." Kenny said as he clutched Klyde Frog's severed head and body in his fists. "It's time to burn some bridges."

…KYLE'S P.O.V…

I walked at a calm pace, not in any hurry to get home honestly. It wasn't that cold and the air was fresh in my lungs. It seemed to slowly clear my head which was really full at the moment. I kicked a few rocks as I turned the corner, my hands stuffed in my jacket pocket.

Why the fuck did I go off like that? I mean I know I've been holding a lot in lately and that I needed some serious therapy, but I totally snapped. Well… if I was going to scream at anyone like that… it was definitely going to be at Cartman. …And now he definitely hated me more than anyone on the planet.

_Not that I blame him._

It really didn't help that I got so horny after what he did yesterday. What the hell was that anyway?! Why did he make me take off my shirt? Just to see what I was hiding? If that was the case, then why did he touch me? And if he just wanted to touch me, then why did he touch me… like _that_? It just didn't make any sense. I closed my eyes.

'…_Why do you care?'_

'…_I don't know. I just do.'_

I groaned, feeling my face heat up and my stomach tighten. Why was he making me feel like this? It was frustrating as hell! And even that fight turned me on. When he shoved me against that wall it scared the shit out of me. …And _yet_… UGH! Not a time for such perverted thoughts. I shuddered.

'_H…Hahaha… You're kind of funny sometimes. For a Jew.'_

I smirked to myself.

_He has such a cute laugh…_

I shook my head, trying to snap myself out of the daze I was in. _Moses. _The way I was going on about him in my head… Heh… You'd think I was in love with the guy.

_Shit._

I stopped walking.

_Am I? Am I in love with him?_

My heart pounded in my chest and I placed my hand there in an attempt to steady my breathing. It couldn't be. I must be imagining things. _Me? _In love with the _**fatass?! **_The very person I've despised for years and years had suddenly become a love interest to me? How the hell could that be?

…No. I'm stressed that's all. I'm just tired and sore and stressed out. I'm so stressed out that I'm desperately seeking a distraction and my hormones have decided to take control of my body and mind. The only reason I'm developing feelings for Cartman is because I've been around him the most this week. Yeah. That makes sense to me. It was his fault for touching me like that anyway... He probably only did that to freak me out. Cartman probably wasn't even gay! …Probably. Or maybe not.

I let my hand drop and swallowed. My mouth was incredibly dry and my heart continued to pound in my ears as I frowned. Even if there was any other reason for him suddenly caring about me so much, I definitely screwed it up with my random and insensitive outburst. My phone rang loudly as it vibrated in my pocket, which startled me. I took it out and looked at the screen.

**Dad.**

I answered the call without a second thought.

"Hello?"

"Ike! God damn it stupid piece of shit chair… now I have a fucking splinter!" he slurred. I blinked a couple of times in shock.

"D-dad…?" I asked, my eyes wide. Never in all my life have I _ever _heard my father swear. Well Ike did say I didn't know what he was like when he was drinking. "Dad are you okay? …Are you drunk?"

"Wha kind of a question is tha? You know I've been drinking Ike… _Lissten. _You told _me_ to call _you_. So don't act all fucking surprised and shhitt."

"…Dad this is Kyle. You must have called me instead." I replied unsurely. There was a pause and a groan at the other end of the line.

"Ah fuckk… Uhh… Hey _Kyyle_... Um… put Ike on the phone." He said.

"Ike is in college Dad." My eyebrow scrunched up in concern. "You know that. I'm still here in South Park?"

"Goddammmit Kyle! Put Ike on the phone! I donnn't wan talk to youu!" he exclaimed. I just held the phone to my ear feeling confused and hurt. He continued. "Kyle! Kyle LISTEN! I cant deal with thhhat fuckin bitch right now alright?"

"…Don't call mom that. She's just not feeling well right no-"

"DON'T GIMME THAT BULLSHHIT!" he screamed in my ear. I winced. "…You know what? Ffffine. You wannna side wittthh her? Thatsss fine sson. You be llike that."

"No, Dad, I'm not siding with anyone! I just-"

"You jussssst what? You just what Kyle?!"

"I… Never mind. I didn't mean to say anything about her. It was a mistake." I mumbled, feeling my chest tighten up. I heard him chuckle with a slight hiccup.

"Yeah you're right. Yyyou were a missstake." He slurred. I felt the world freeze. Nothing mattered. Everything around me stopped moving, stopped mattering. I said nothing, for I had no response. But I tried to respond anyway.

"…Dad… you don't mean that. You… y-you're just drunk."

"I should have nnnever gone to fucking Jerssssey and got ssso smashed. Iffff I didn't do ttthhhhat… then you wouldn't exxxisssst. And neither wwould Ikkkke… 'Cause I nnever would have met that ffat whhore. And then all of this fucking shhhit wouldn't happen." He hiccupped again and sniffled. "God damn it… I need a fucking tissue… Ugh… Goodnight Ike."

_Click._

I held the phone to my ear minutes after he hung up.

…CARTMAN'S P.O.V…

'_Eriiiccc… Help meee…'_

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU POOR PIECE OF SHIT! I'LL SHOVE MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASSHOLE THAT YOU'LL TEAR IN FUCKING HALF!" I yelled. My eyes stung with tears as I lunged for Kenny who just jumped out of the way. "DON'T HURT HIM GOD DAMN IT!"

"Oh I won't hurt him. …But you will." He replied with a sickening smile on his face. I almost roared in frustration, not caring that I felt and probably looked like I was out of my fucking mind.

"Why the _FUCK _would I hurt him?! He's my friend!" I exclaimed.

"Your friend?" Kenny replied calmly. "It's ruining your life."

'_Don't listen to him Eric, he's lying! I love you so much. I do.'_

"You shut your god damn mouth! You don't know anything about Klyde Frog! You just think I'm so goddamn immature for keeping him after-"

"After Kyle tore it in half? After you killed it, had a funeral for it, and then dug it up? You just can't stay away from it can you?" Kenny asked. "No matter how many times you've tried to get rid of it, you just can't."

"Klyde Frog understands me better than anyone! I don't expect you to fucking get it! Go ahead and think I'm immature Kenny! I don't give a shit! This is my life, and I'll do what I want!" I snarled in response. Kenny tilted his head and looked at me, his eyes dancing in amusement.

"I don't think you're immature, Cartman. I think you're insane." He said.

"Oh yeah?! That's fine! You, my mom, and the rest of this fucking town! So WHAT?!" I snapped and shoved him against the wall. "NOW DROP HIM!"

"I'm not scared of you, Cartman." Kenny said under his breath. I felt a bead of sweat slide down my neck as I held him against the wall. I pushed against him harder and he groaned in pain.

"Well you should be." I growled. "I could kill you McKormick."

"It wouldn't be the first time I've died, asshole." He replied, tossing Klyde Frog's head and torso into the corner near the front door. He looked at me in determination. "Is this what you did to Kyle?"

My eyes widened when he said that and I felt my legs start to shake. I must have relaxed my grip on him slightly, because he shoved me away. I shot him a glare and tightened my fists.

"That fucking jew doesn't know anything about me. And neither do you!" I spat at him. Kenny shook his head in frustration.

"You're so fucking blind. We do know. All of us. _Especially _Kyle. I think Kyle knows more about you than you know about yourself." He retorted. I let out a bitter laugh, feeling my chest tighten angrily in response.

"Oh yeah I bet the three of you get together all the fucking time and have faggy ass tea parties while you talk about me!"

"Yeah. We talk about you." He said plainly.

"I KNEW IT!" I screamed at his admission. "I FUCKING KNEW IT!"

"We talk about how you always lash out at everyone at school. We talk about how you pretend not to be overjoyed when we ask you to hang out. We talk about how sad you get when one of us is absent. How happy you are when you get to kick our asses at Basketball, or how frustrated you get when you lose one of Kyle's bets. We talk about how you come to school sometimes with your eyes all bloodshot."

"Shut up." I growled, staring him down.

"We talk about how every time your mom doesn't come home in the morning we watch you waiting on your porch for hours and wonder what's going through your head-"

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed and grabbed him by the throat, my grip mercilessly tight. I could do it. I was angry enough.

'_Kill him you pussy. He brought her up.'_

_Be quiet. I can handle this._

'_No you can't! You can't handle shit! KILL HIM ALREADY!'_

I flung Kenny across the room and watched him hit the wall. He groaned, slowly standing up. I looked at Klyde Frog, wondering why he couldn't just shut the fuck up and let me think for myself.

"…why can't you just stay out of this?" I asked him. Kenny answered me instead.

"It's a stuffed animal that you use as an outlet for all of your self-hatred. It's kept you in this fucked up state of mind ever since you were a kid, fat boy."

"…And you figured that out all by yourself?" I asked, my finger's screaming in pain from underneath my unrelenting clenched fists.

"No." Kenny admitted. "…Kyle. All Kyle."

"Kyle needs to mind his own god damned business." I murmured. "…Klyde Frog has always been there for me when no one else has! He cares!"

I felt a blinding pain on my left cheek that sent me straight to the ground. It disoriented me to the point that I had to blink over five times before I could see straight again. Kenny had me pinned to the ground with his fist raised and ready to strike me again, his other hand gripping the collar of my shirt.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" he snarled. I looked up at him, confused. "IT'S NOT REAL! IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD! IT'S A FUCKING OBJECT! AND IT SURE AS HELL DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU MORE THAN US!"

I had no words as he punched me again. I stayed down.

_Us?_

_Care?_

I felt Kenny get off of me and curse under his breath. I sat up slowly, dizziness flooding my senses. He was looking into the roaring fireplace, the fire reflecting off of his eyes. I saw them water slightly and he took a deep breath.

"Don't you get it Cartman? I'm a poor immortal clutz, Stan's an overly normal hippie, Kyle's an overachieving jewish dork, and you're a fat psychopathic asshole. All of us stick together because we fucking _care about each other._ Don't give me that 'I have no friends' bullshit. You might be a fat psychopathic asshole, but you're _OUR _fat psychopathic asshole ALRIGHT?"

I just stared at him. I was at a loss for words, and apparently, so was Klyde Frog. I don't even know how much time passed before I stood up.

"…you don't need to get all mushy on me Kenny. You poor asshole." I muttered. He smiled slightly as I walked over to the corner and picked up Klyde Frog. I felt Kenny's hand on my shoulder and stared at the battered, torn object in my hands.

"You know what you have to do." He said to me, his voice warm and comforting to my ears. I let him walk me in front of the fireplace and stared into the flames.

"…I don't know if I can." I whispered. Tears stung my eyes once more, but I didn't fight them this time. I let them fall. Kenny squeezed my shoulder.

"Yes you can Eric." He said. Somehow his reassuring voice gave me enough strength to let go of the bundle in my hands. I watched helplessly as it fell in the fire. It burned and crackled and danced on the logs.

The insults.

Burning.

The loneliness.

Burning.

The past.

Ash and smoke.

…KYLE'S P.O.V…

"I'm home Mom." I said quietly, wiping my running nose. She walked over to me from the living room and instantly looked concerned.

"Bubbula, what happened? Were you crying?" She asked walking over to me and embracing me gently; mindful of the bruise she gave me. I buried my head into her neck and sighed.

"No… Just allergies. And windburn." I replied taking in her scent. She still smelled like herself, and that was kind of comforting. She pulled away slightly and held my chin, looking into my eyes. I noticed that her eyes were also bloodshot. "…Were you crying, Mom?"

She crinkled her nose as I spoke. I wondered why, but she shook her head and stood up quickly and walked into the kitchen.

"I have breakfast for you, Kyle." She said coldly. I wasn't hungry since I already ate, but I didn't want to waste something that she made for me. I suddenly felt very nervous, as if I had forgotten to do something, but I tried to not think about it. I hung up my hat with my coat, walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table watching her pour some porridge into a bowl.

"…I finished almost all of one of the practice tests last night." I tried to make conversation, bouncing my knee under the table. I had the nervous habit ever since I was a kid. Tweek kind of rubbed off on me a little bit. Mom nodded at me in approval, but had a sudden… stoic aggression about her that I couldn't figure out. She had been so tender and warm a minute ago. Maybe she needed to go to a psychiatrist. I prayed to God that she didn't have a mental disorder… Would going through a divorce really do that to someone?

"What did you do after you worked?" she asked suddenly, breaking me away from my thoughts as she set down my food in front of me. I started to eat it and looked at her. She glared down at me, expecting an answer. I swallowed my first spoonful.

"Well we played some video games." I said truthfully. She didn't seem to like that answer very much and went over to the sink, rummaging through the cabinet underneath. I never even knew that _was _a cabinet.

"What did you have to eat?"

"Pizza. The guys had cheesy poofs, but I didn't really want any. And we had some breakfast this morning too, but I didn't have any bacon so don't worry." I replied. She stopped rummaging around and I heard the clinking of glass.

"Kyle?" she muttered.

"Y-Yes?" I asked nervously.

"What did you have to drink last night?"

_**FUCK.**_

"…I had soda." I almost whispered. She got up and walked over to the table putting down five empty glass bottles, along with one full bottle. My eyes widened as she sat down in the chair across from me.

"Do you know what these are, Bubbe?" she asked me, her eyes unreadable.

"Um… Alcohol? I… I didn't know we kept alcohol in the house Mom…" I replied nervously. Every part of my mind was begging me to leave the house and I had no idea why. I let my eyes roam over to the label on the full glass bottle. It was Whiskey. I let my eyes drift back to her.

"I didn't know they were in the house either. Your father was stashing them there and hiding them from us so that he could get drunk when we weren't around." She explained and opened the bottle. I blinked a couple of times.

"Mom… What are you doing?" I asked in a very quiet voice. She gently pushed the bottle to me and I caught it before it fell off the table.

"That's your father's last bottle. He forgot it when he left. I figured you might be hung-over from last night and would want a pick me up." She growled. The air left my lungs and I let go of the bottle like it was covered in shit. "And next time don't forget to brush your teeth."

"Mom it's not like that! I didn't drink! I mean I took a sip b-but I didn't like it and they were drinking it and they offered me the last gulp a-and I didn't want to be made fun of!" I exclaimed in panic, jumping out of my seat. The look she gave me sent shivers of fear down my spine.

"Sit. Down."

I sat down immediately. Her eyes narrowed.

"Are you done lying to me, Kyle?" she hissed under her breath. I hung my head in shame and embarrassment.

"Y-yes."

"I'm getting fed up with this. I have enough stress to deal with and you are making things extremely hard for me. So you're going to learn your lesson right here right now. You want to be an alcoholic like your father? Then fine. Drink it." She growled. I looked up at her to see if she was actually serious. My heart dropped.

_She's serious._

"What? N-n-no! I don't want to! That stuff tastes horrible!" I exclaimed. "Mom I'm sorry! You don't actually expect me to drink that entire bottle?!"

Her face remained expressionless, her eyes almost glossed over. This wasn't my mother… This wasn't my mom…

"Do you want me to lose my temper again?"

I actually whimpered when she said that, my hand clutching my side. I stared at the bottle of whiskey and felt the tears return.

"Well?" She asked, leaning forward. "What's it going to be Bubbe?"

I winced my eyes shut, picking up the bottle. My entire body was trembling as I held it and brought it closer to my mouth. I felt betrayed. Completely and totally betrayed. This was abuse! My mother would never do this to me! Who was this woman and what has she done with my mother?!

I started to pour the whiskey down my throat, feeling her eyes on me. Not giving me a choice. I cried out as it burned its way into my body, slicing my insides with invisible blades. I wanted to scream. To run away. But that would solve nothing.

Eventually the bottle was empty and I clutched my stomach which was absolutely throbbing in agony and I stumbled to my feet. Tears leaked down my cheeks as I gripped at my clothing, my body burning with heat and flooded with dizziness. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted with a glass bottle to my forehead. It shattered on contact and sent me to the floor. My mom stood over me, clutching the nozzle of the bottle which broke off when she smashed it across my head. I felt warmth gather at the top of my head, blood trickling down my forehead. I reached up and clutched a large piece of glass that lodged into my head, yanking it out as the room spun and clutching it in my hand.

"Go to your room." I heard her mutter under her breath. "You disgust me."

I forced myself to my feet and struggled up the stairs with all the strength I had left. I managed to get to the bathroom and hold a towel to my head until the bleeding stopped. I turned to open the door and felt a horrible pain overcome all of my senses at once. My nose stung as I collapsed on top of the toilet and violently puked my guts up. It came out of my mouth and my nose, making me gasp for air between each retch. I cursed myself for eating so much and clutched the sides of the toilet in desperation. My chest heaved and I sobbed loudly, my body trembling violently.

_Why can everyone else cause me so much pain? Why can't I take control of my own fucking life? Why can't I just have a GOOD DAY?! _

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!" I screamed at the ceiling. No answer. There was never an answer. Nausea took control once more and I vomited again, more violently than before. I must have vomited at least ten times… I leaned my face against the bowl and closed my eyes, just wanting all of it to end.

When my eyes opened, it was darker in the house. My head was in so much pain, I thought it was going to explode. I groaned and used all my strength to sit up. Both of my legs were asleep because of the strange angle I had passed out in. I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket.

'_You listen to me jewrat. If she ever tries that again, you contact me. Text me. Call me. I don't give a fuck how you do it, just do it.'_

God damn it, should I?

I really wanted to.

…_No. I caused him enough trouble. Why give him another reason to hate me?_

I tried to tighten my fists and felt a sharp pain in my left hand. I looked down and stared at the forgotten shard of glass that had now dug into my palm and fingers as I squeezed it. Blood pooled around the glass, gathering to the very end of the sharp part. It dripped to the floor and I blinked slowly, bringing it closer to my face.

I'll admit it, I was completely intrigued.

For all the times that the people I loved had hurt me, whether by words or empty bottles of whiskey, it had never felt like that did. I curiously opened my left hand and pulled the piece of glass out with my right. I always knew what cutting was, but I had never tried it. I thought it was stupid honestly. A cry for attention. …But this wouldn't be for attention. This would be for myself. To prove to myself that they weren't the only people capable of causing me pain. Why should they hold that power over me? Why should I fear them? …Why should I fear pain at all?

_Maybe if I do it… It won't hurt the way it always does._

I didn't care how stupid that sounded, or how dumb I was acting. It made sense to me. I rolled up my sleeve and closed my eyes as I lined up the glass with my veins. I couldn't help but focus on how much I was suffering right now. I was sweating and shivering at the same time… My throat was raw from all of the retching and my head was pounding from being smashed. I pushed the glass into my skin and gasped at the sensation.

_Sweet merciful numbness… _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey everyone! Before yall get CRAZY I promise there will be fluff in the next chapter ;) so look forward to it! ALMOST 50 REVIEWS! WOOHOO! *does the Kenny dance* You guys rock! Here's chapter 10! I threw in some more Cartman P.O.V. for everyone :3

…

…KYLE'S P.O.V…

…

The sun leaked through the blinds and was hitting my face as I slowly breathed in and out. I shifted my head slightly on the pillow and opened my eyes, vision blurry and dried out. My head was throbbing in reply to the blinding lights from my window and my body silently groaned in soreness. I looked to my left at the clock and had to blink a few times before I could actually see the numbers.

**10:34am**

So I slept all day and all night yesterday… Joy.

I slowly turned over on my side and stared at my arm in surprise. I knew I sliced into myself last night but… _damn._ So many cuts. The cuts were swollen, itchy, puffy, and dried blood decorated my skin. I looked at my right arm too, not as shocked to find out it was almost identical to my left. The numbness I fell asleep with didn't last, but I never expected it to. I don't even know why I actually went through with it, but it was worth the little amount of time in which I got the opportunity to feel calm and in control of myself for once.

I groaned as I sat up and regretted doing it the second I did.

_What a fucking hangover._

My phone vibrated quietly from somewhere. My eyes lazily scanned my room, never really noticing how filthy it was until now. I noticed the bathroom door was ajar and stood up, my legs shaking violently. I needed food and my insulin as soon as possible. Ignoring the dizziness that threatened to take over, I dragged my feet across the room and opened the door to the bathroom. My jaw dropped.

_That's a lot of blood…_

I felt something snap in my head and I allowed a scowl to take over my face. Why should I give a shit if she finds the bathroom like this? She's the one who did this to me. Maybe it would shock her into caring again.

I shook my head.

_No. I need to get mom to a doctor. _

I sighed and opened the cabinet above the sink, fishing out my insulin and the bottle of pain killers I stole from her. I shoved the needle into my arm in a rougher way then I usually did it and shivered slightly. It was a good kind of shiver. I was starting to revel in this feeling I could give myself because of the power I had over myself. No one could hurt me in the same way I could. I bit my lip as I slowly pulled it out of my skin and put it back into the cabinet. I took four pills and glanced down at the floor where my phone was vibrating next to a small puddle of my own dried up blood. I decided I might as well find out who I was ignoring. I already had a good guess.

Picking it up, I rolled my eyes. I knew it.

**Stan Marsh- 6 missed calls**

I sighed and exited out of the pop up window only to be greeted by another one.

**11 new text messages**

I began to look through them, sighing in aggravation.

**Stan**

'_R u ok dude?' -9:06am_

'_Cartman said u left'-9:13am_

'_Well that u were upset'-9:15am_

'_I mean he didn't exactly say that'-9:15am_

'_I just figured it out kind of'-9:16am_

'_okay we actually pretended we were sleeping. Sry.'-9:28am_

'_Pls don't be mad at me. What was all that yelling 4? U can tell me'-9:34am_

'_Kyle it's been like 6 hrs! Answer your phone'-3:44pm_

'_R U OK?'-7:45pm_

'_Ur mom said she made you turn off ur phone so u cud study and that ud call me tomorrow. She said we could hang out if I left u alone tonight. Just don't 4get. I'm worried dude. Nite.'-11:32pm_

Why would my mom let me do that? …Probably to keep me quiet. I needed to get her some help, to find out what was happening to her. My heart stopped when I reached the last message.

**Fatass**

'_Hey.' -2:57am_

I stared at the screen for quite a while and wouldn't have been able to stop the smile that crept on my face even if I had tried.

_He texted me…_

My heart sprang to life and my face burned with hope. If Cartman texted me, then maybe he forgave me! Maybe I could see him later today and apologize again. I decided to call Stan and try to set something up with the guys. Maybe I could stop by the local psychiatrist on the way and ask her a few questions. When I called Stan, it barely rang once before he picked up.

"Kyle!" he exclaimed happily.

"Hey- *cough* Hey Stan." I cleared my hoarse throat, rubbing it with my hand. I forgot how much retching I did last night.

"Are you okay? You sound like you have a sore throat." He replied in concern. I swallowed with a wince and found my voice.

"No I uh… I just woke up that's all. I guess I needed it."

"Well yeah I'm sure you were up really late last night studying."

"…Yeah. Studying." I replied in a dry tone. "Listen, we should hang with the guys again today. Maybe we could all go to Kenny's or something."

"I thought you and Cartman had a really bad fight last night. He should be the last person you want to see, dude." Stan said. I bit my lower lip.

"Yeah… yeah I know but I feel really bad. I said something I shouldn't have; something that really made him upset." I explained.

"…So?" Stan asked. I blinked a few times.

"S-so I want to apologize."

"…You. Want to apologize to Cartman? For making him _upset_? Dude, why?" he inquired. I really had no answer to that.

"W-well… um it's… Look I just… uh…" I stuttered, blushing. Stan didn't seem to be phased.

"Look, that's nice and all but we can't hang with them today. Kenny's with Cartman at the hospital." He said. I gasped.

"What? Why? What happened?!" I replied.

"Cartman's mom was out with some dude last night and apparently she got the shit beat out of her and her arms broken or something. It happened last night around 4am or something. That's all Cartman told me over the phone. And I asked if I could come to see them, but he said Kenny was there and that I should mind my goddamn business. …But then he randomly thanked me for caring and hung up. I was really freaked out by that; you know Cartman being _nice _to me. Especially after I left his house yesterday. He was so pissed off he knocked over his table! It was pretty intimidating. I mean I could still probably kick his ass but… hey Kyle? Kyle are you there?" Stan asked. I was stunned. My own words echoed in my mind from yesterday.

'_**At least my mom's not a CRACK WHORE!'**_

…How could this possibly get any worse? He tried to reach out to me right before he found out his mom got hurt while she was trying to make them money. And the last thing Cartman remembers is me calling her a whore…

_Oh god._

"Kyle? Earth to Kyle?"

"We should go see them anyway." I said suddenly. There was a pause on the line and Stan sighed.

"…Kyle I don't think that's a good idea." He finally said. "Cartman made it really clear that he wanted to be alone. You could always text him and ask."

He might have been willing to forgive me before, but now that this happened… there was no way he'd be willing to even consider talking to me. He must be snapping necks and chopping up bodies by now. I know if someone did that to my mom… I blinked. But my mom isn't even herself anymore. I cleared my throat.

"N…No. We'll see them tomorrow. And Kenny's there right? So I don't want to make things worse for him right now." I said quietly. Stan chuckled a bit.

"Why are you being so considerate of his feelings?" he asked. I blushed again, I could feel it.

"B-because I'm a nice person Stan!" I exclaimed. "Geez!"

"Well you know how I said we were hanging out today?" Stan began. I growled under my breath. "Hey you said you're a nice person so just hear me out. I have a date with Wendy."

"Ughhhhhh…" I growled. "C'mon! I am _not_ third wheeling again!"

"I know I know you won't be! Wendy and I were talking and well… Bebe still has a crush on you… and we thought you could come with us on a double date." Stan replied with hope in his voice. I smacked my forehead.

"Really Stan?" I muttered. "Just… really?"

"Come on Kyle just come with us! It'll be fun. You need to have some fun."

"Why is everyone telling me that? I'm. FINE." I growled.

"…Please Kyle?" Stan begged me. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever." I responded.

"I'll take that as a yes! I'll be at your house in an hour. Wear something nice okay? Dude you're so awesome!" he exclaimed. I felt my face heat up and I hung up on him.

_Damn it Stan._

…

…CARTMAN'S P.O.V…

…

"Mom."

Her eyes remained closed, the paleness of her face making my heart race. I gripped the arm of the chair I was sitting in.

"Mom! Fucking wake up!"

"Yelling at her isn't going to help." Kenny mumbled behind me. I elbowed him in the ribs angrily.

"PUT A CORK IN YOUR MOUTH HOLE POOR BOY!" I snarled. He chuckled as I heard him stumble backwards.

"Relax. They said she would be okay. She'll probably wake up in an hour or something." He said. I clenched my jaw and turned to look at him.

"That's not good enough dickhole!"

"Hey back off. I'm not your jew." He replied. I felt my face flood with color, my fists relaxing. Kenny noticed and smirked. "…I bet you want him here instead of me."

"Why the fuck would I want that jewrat here?" I asked in a small voice. Kenny just stared at me, raising an eyebrow. I hung my head and let it burn with a sigh. "…Alright McKormick lets just cut the crap. How much do you know?"

"You sure you want the truth?" Kenny responded. I looked up at him, surprised by how serious his face was. I swallowed nervously, but nodded.

"Just tell me." I mumbled. The smirk returned to Kenny's face.

"I know that you've been sexually confused since the third grade and that you realized you were gay in fourth. I know you're incredibly good at acting like you don't give a shit which fooled most people. But not me. I noticed your fixation with Kyle in the third grade. It started out small, but you made an _effort _to hide behind hissy fits and bets and arguments just to get a rise from him. Just to get his attention." He explained. "Should I go on?"

I blinked a few times and pulled my jacket over my mouth. He laughed.

"You're so red."

"Shut up Kiineee…" I whined, wincing my eyes shut.

"Just admit that you've been in love with him for years." He chuckled. "At least to yourself."

"…I already have dumbass." I whispered. Kenny's eyes widened.

"Oh. Good! …Well on a different note, you need to tell me and Stan what's been going on with him. There's something else besides the divorce and the late night studying." He replied. I looked up, my eyes hardened.

"I don't know anything." I said. Kenny leaned against the wall.

"I think you do. I think you promised Kyle you wouldn't say anything."

"That's between me and Kyle." I growled. Kenny raised his eyebrows.

"You and _WHO_?" he asked. "I thought his name was Kahhhhlll."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm handling it, alright?"

"Handling what tubby? We're his friends too."

"I'm not TUBBY YOU ASSHOLE!" I snapped, jumping up from the chair.

"Of course you're not poopsikins…"

My head instantly turned to my mom who smiled at me from her hospital bed. I sat down and took her hand immediately.

"Mom… Are you in pain? Did that bastard hurt you? What was his name? What did he look like? I will fucking rip his balls off and shove them down his fucking throat for what he did to you!" I snarled, feeling anger pulse through me. She smiled at me sadly.

"Don't worry snookums, it's just a shiner." She replied. I felt tears prick my eyes and clutched her hand.

"The fuck you mean it's just a shiner?! JUST A SHINER?!" I screamed standing up. I let go of her hand and saw nothing but red. How dare he do this to her. How fucking dare he. Whoever he is, I'm going to kill him. I felt Kenny grip my shoulder.

"Calm down!" he yelled. "They already arrested the guy so let the police handle it!"

I let him push me back into the chair. I was breathing through my teeth. My mom started tearing up a little and looked away.

"Eric, I'm so sorry…" she whispered. I snapped out of my rampage and looked back at her.

"Why are you sorry?" I demanded. She looked away.

"I didn't earn enough money… I have to earn it back by Tuesday or the power will go out because of the bills."

"Earn it back my asshole! Mom I'm fucking done with this shit. You are going to stay at home and sleep and I'm getting a fucking job." I growled.

"…..A…a what?" she looked at me absolutely shocked.

"A job mom. I'm done watching you whore yourself out. You're better than this shit. When you're better, we're going to find you a real fucking job." I said. She blinked rapidly.

"B-B-But poopsikins… you don't work…" she whispered. I forced myself to smirk at her and wiped her cheek.

"I will now. Until you get a decent job. Okay?" I asked.

"But hun… I'm very good at this. I don't know what else I could do as well."

"What about cooking, Mrs. Cartman?" Kenny said. We both looked at him and I beamed.

"Yeah. Yeah Mom you're an amazing cook. And ever since chef died and turned into a nazi zombie and then died again, the school lunches taste like shit. You could go ask about that when your arm heals." I agreed, patting Kenny on the head. "That's a good poor boy."

"Fuck off Cartman." Kenny slapped my hand away. My mom looked deep in thought, as if conflicted.

"But Mommy has urges and needs poopsi." She said. "I like my job."

"Gross… ugh you can still have your toys and you can have sex with guys and boyfriends and stuff… but not like this. Stop prostituting. I can't just kill everyone who fucks you and beats you up!" I said.

"Will it make you happy sweetie?" she asked me, holding my hand. I nodded and squeezed back gently. "…Alright. Then I'll wait until my arm heals and I'll go talk to Principal Victoria."

"And I'll go get a fucking job…" I muttered. "Try to make ten million dollars somehow…"

"Again?" Kenny laughed. I glared at him.

"Yeah. Except this time I'm going to do it. I'm going to get ten million dollars if I have to jump off a fucking bridge into a sea of minorities!" I snarled, determined. Then I shuddered at the thought of doing what I just said I'd do.

"Eric?" Kenny asked. I looked at him.

"What?"

"If you won't tell me what's wrong with Kyle, at least go find out tonight after your mom gets checked out and settled in back home." He murmured.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU BLACK ASSHOLE!" I snarled and left the room. I heard Kenny laughing behind me and rolled my eyes. What else did he think I was going to do tonight? I smiled at the thought of sneaking into Kyle's window again. It's been at least six days since I've done that… I felt my cheeks burn and took out Kyle's picture from my pocket, tracing my finger over his face.

_Six days is too many days._


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Author's Note: This chapter is entirely Kyle's P.O.V. :) Hope you all enjoy it! I like experimenting with different P. , but there's nothing like good old Kyle Broflovski :) Also a side note- I love you all… but I don't like Style. ….*hides in a corner* Please don't hate me… I just don't see anything between them. I mean in my opinion Stan is as straight as straight can get lol and I honestly feel weird even reading Style fanfics because I only look at them as best friends xD lol what can I say? I'm strange. But anyhoo, hope you all still like me! :D Kyman forever! :3 On with the show!

P.S- Kyman fluff in next chapter so get excited! HYPE!

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…..

…..

I made my way down the stairs in my normal clothing. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of this stupid double date thing. Screw Stan for this. Seriously.

I took my hat off of the coat rack and looked into the mirror, examining the gash in my head from yesterday. It was right on my forehead and it looked pretty bad. I cleaned it in the shower with soap and water, which burned like hell, but it still looked really gross. I shoved my hat on my head and made sure it covered the healing gash entirely. I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my orange jacket. The only difference in my outfit was that I was wearing a long sleeved sweater to cover my handiwork from last night. I read online that you're only supposed to cut in places that were really hard to find on your body so that no one would notice it. Sounds like common sense, but I did it as a spur of the moment thing. So, unfortunately, I wasn't thinking clearly. At all.

But that didn't mean I was going to stop. It took so much of the weight off of my shoulders. It hadn't even been 24 hours and I could just feel the habit forming. Oh well.

_At least I'm not an alcoholic. _

I shuddered. I noticed that the house was very empty and sighed in relief. Mom went off to work which meant I didn't have to tell her I was going on a date with some slutty girl from my gym class. THANK. MOSES.

My mom had been nagging me for three years to get a girlfriend, or at least to try thinking about them. She even had me go to this summer camp full of only jewish girls, claimed she didn't read the pamphlet, and then _insisted_ that I try to make the best out of it. I was lucky enough to catch the eye of one of the councilors who was actually willing to listen to me and send me home. I don't know why I'm not interested in girls. I just never was.

The doorbell rang and I groaned looking at the floor. I did NOT want to do this. Ughhh. Fuckin STAN. I went over to the door and opened it while pulling on my gloves. Stan's jacket was opened and underneath he was wearing a really nice grey suit; he was even sporting a blue and red tie. Wendy and Bebe were across the street waving and giggling like idiots with their fur coats on and their obnoxious earmuffs. I looked back at Stan who raised his eyebrow.

"…Dude. I said dress _nice._" He muttered.

"Yeah I know. I just don't care. You're lucky I'm coming at all." I rasped walking past him and shutting the door. Stan chuckled.

"I can't thank you enough for agreeing to this dude." He said as we crossed the street. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah yeah. I know." I replied with a smile. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye, stopping us before we could reach the girls. His face was now a very concerned one. "…Kyle are you sure you're okay? I mean, about yesterday? Your mom was being kind of strange on the phone."

"Yeah I know. She hasn't been herself lately. I was going to talk to a psychiatrist about her… she's really out of it Stan." I said averting my eyes.

"How out of it?" he asked. I met his eyes once more.

"Let's just say… it's getting harder and harder to ignore." I muttered. He was about to question me, but the girls walked over. Wendy smiled at us.

"What's the holdup boys? We'll miss out reservation!" she chirped. I looked at them and didn't match their smiles.

"Reservation?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh! Oh yeah! Bebe's mom gave her lots of money for her birthday and she's spending it all on this double date so we can all have really good food and it's her treat!" Stan said, tossing her a grateful smile.

Bebe looked over and shot me a wink, digging her foot around in the snow. I looked over at her and noted that, while her hair and makeup were pretty, her dress was way too revealing and skanky for a night out at some fancy shmansy restaurant. And that wink was really creepy.

"That's uh… that's really nice of you, Bebe." I thanked her as Stan and Wendy walked ahead of us.

"Oh trust me, Kyle. You're totally worth it." She chuckled and started walking. I slowly followed her, looking down awkwardly.

"What… what do you mean 'I'm worth it'?" I asked, raising one eyebrow and genuinely curious. She laughed.

"Oh Kyle! Don't you know that you're like one of the hottest guys in school? All the girls wanna date you now. They think you've really matured now that you're in highschool, but I always thought you were hot." She blushed, watching me for my reaction. I didn't really know how to react.

"…Um… thanks?" I replied, not knowing whether I should feel embarrassed, annoyed or flattered. She let me walk ahead slightly and I felt her eyes on me.

"…Yup. You still got it." I heard her say.

"Got what exactl-…" I looked over my shoulder and saw her staring right at my ass. My face flushed and I covered it with my hands. She just giggled as I ran over to Stan and Wendy, who were getting all of the make out sessions out of their systems before we got to the restaurant. I gripped Stan's jacket pathetically as Bebe continued her laughter. Stan irritably looked over at me.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't think I can do this…" I breathed, feeling sick to my stomach. "Stan she's horrible…"

"Oh she's not that bad, Kyle!" Wendy whispered. "Just give her a chance. She's really excited about spending time with you."

"Yeah dude. Relax." Stan agreed. I whimpered a bit and looked behind me. She was still staring right at my ass.

"How do I keep her from… from trying to check me out?" I asked pathetically.

"Why the hell wouldn't you want her to?" Stan laughed. "Dude just talk to her about something she likes so she'll talk a bunch about herself. That's what girls do."

"Hey!" Wendy snapped. Stan rubbed the back of his head and grinned sheepishly at her. She seemed to forgive him as soon as he looked at her and they continued sucking face. I groaned and walked over to Bebe.

"Hey hot stuff." She said, chuckling at me when I winced.

"Uh… h-hey. So um… what do you uh like to do around… around the house… on… weekends?" I attempted. She looked at me strangely as if in deep thought, and then smiled in absolute mischief. I gulped.

"Welllll that depends…" she purred, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "Do you want to know what I do with friends… or by myself in my bedroom?"

"W-With friends!" I replied way too quickly and loudly, which got backwards glances from Wendy and Stan. I was sweating at this point and ducked out of her grasp. Bebe seemed disappointed in both my answer and her sudden lack of physical contact with me, so she started talking about something called one direction. I completely tuned her out and let my thoughts wander as we approached the psychiatrists building and then the hospital.

My mom needed serious help if she was going to get back to being herself. Maybe she was having a hard time coping with the divorce and they had some medicine she could take. I decided I would talk to Ike about it after the semester was over. I'd just have to swallow my pride countless more times, push my friends to the curb, and completely isolate myself in order to complete any task she would have for me without any complaints. …I could put up with my mom for two more weeks no problem.

…_I hope._

And then there's Cartman. Who would probably kick me in the nuts for not texting him back. …Then again why didn't he hurt me after I said all of those things to him? I said so many awful horrible things… Why was I such an asshole? Hey! But more importantly, why didn't he beat the crap out of me for _being _a total asshole? Maybe he was trying to make up for all of the times _I _put up with him for being a total asshole? …No that couldn't be it. He would never be that considerate. It had to be something else.

_But what?_

"Kyle are you even listening to me?" Bebe snapped me out of my thoughts and I shook my head to bring my attention back to what was going on.

"Y-Yeah! Sorry Bebe. I've just been really distracted lately." I replied honestly. She shot me a sultry smirk.

"Oh don't worry about that Kyle. Stan told me you needed to have some fun and wind down a bit. Bebe will take good care of you…" she replied, wrapping her arms around my waist. I felt my face flush and I untangled myself from her.

"R-right… you don't have to do that." I muttered.

"We're here guys!" Wendy exclaimed. "Aren't you excited?"

We walked inside a really fancy place and a waitress showed us our table. Bebe picked it out. It was a booth with room for four; candle lit. How romantic. Not. I rolled my eyes as I got in the booth first. BIG. MISTAKE.

Bebe squeezed in next to me, completely sealing me in. If I wanted to get out, she'd have to get up first. I contemplated shoving her down if necessary, but all in all that would be a pretty dick move; especially since she was paying for everything and all. I sighed as we settled in and waited for our menus to appear. Stan and Wendy were talking about the upcoming game on Wednesday night and how excited they were. Bebe even expressed her confidence in the South Park Cows, and exclaimed how, her words, _stoked_ she was about learning a new cheer.

I… really wanted to disappear.

"Kyle we're almost finished with that project! Just thought you should know." Stan said. My head perked up at that.

"What? I didn't even do my part!" I exclaimed.

"Kenny did half of your half for you and I did the other half of your half. In the hospital, Cartman even finished the final draft of the essay that you told him to do. And get this- not one racist joke." He explained. My jaw had never dropped so low.

"Get…Out."

"I'm dead serious!" Stan exclaimed. "I know I was shocked too, but Kenny read it to me over the phone. It's true. Something is seriously changing with him. Honestly it's kind of… creeping me out a little. It's weird."

"Yeah I… I know what you mean." I murmured. The waitress came back and we all ordered our food. I tried to order the cheapest thing but Bebe insisted I get something nice, so I let her order something for me. It ended up being eggplant, which I wasn't too crazy about, but I didn't complain. I just thanked her.

The conversations were going pretty well between the four of us and honestly, I was having a pretty good time. Wendy was so much funnier than I remembered her to be, and Stan was Stan so that was always nice to be around.

…And then there was Bebe.

I had never thought about killing a person in 67 different ways all in one night before. So that was interesting.

Her hand wouldn't stop resting on my knee. No matter how many times I scooted away or shoved her hand off, it just kept coming back. I didn't want to be rude or embarrass her, but it was seriously starting to get fucking ridiculous. I was so happy when our food came and she was finally distracted with something other than groping me.

The food was really amazing and I was almost finished, when Wendy asked Stan if they could go pick out some desert to take home. Wendy had her credit card out so Bebe wouldn't have to pay for it. As they got up to leave I shot Stan a desperate look, but he didn't seem to notice at all. The second they were gone, I felt the hand return and groaned.

"Bebe please stop." I begged her trying to push her hand away. But this time it wouldn't budge. Her eyes burned into mine and I started to get a little nervous.

"What's your problem Kyle? Do you think I'm ugly or something?" she asked. I felt my stomach churn with guilt.

"N-No! Of course not! You're really pretty Bebe." I tried to reassure her. She smiled slightly.

"Then don't be so nervous. I really like you." She replied, and her hand trailed up my thigh. I felt my breath hitch in my throat and instead of the obvious arousal I should have felt, I felt a sudden pulse of disgust shoot right into my stomach. I tried to stop her hand again.

"Bebe I really don't think you should-"

She cut me off by forcing her lips on mine and trying to stroke me through my pants from under the table. I gasped in absolute shock and she took the opportunity to plunge her tongue down my throat. I whimpered in protest and gripped her arms pushing her off angrily, but the second I gave way, she slammed back into me with an even stronger passion. I felt myself retreat into my mind, silently screaming for an escape. DAMN HER PERSISTENCE! I finally couldn't take it anymore and shoved her off with such strength that she fell on her ass in the middle of the floor. A waiter then tripped over her and spilled food everywhere. Plates and glasses shattered as I dug myself out of the booth. Bebe looked up at me, pissed off beyond belief.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" she screamed. All eyes were on me. I turned my head to Stan who was the only person who wasn't judging me with their eyes. Wendy however raced over to help Bebe up. She was crying now, her mascara running down her face.

"W-What happened?" Wendy asked in a panic.

"He-He fucking PUSHED ME!" Bebe snarled pointing at me. I felt my legs move by themselves and ran out of the restaurant, the eyes piercing into me from all directions.

Once I was out of the door, I felt my chest rise and fall as I ran down the street. The night air was cold and sharp against my cheeks, but it was nice. I needed it. I leaned against a lamp post and almost puked up my dinner, but I forced myself to hold it in and breathe through it. I vomited enough times this week. I gripped the lamp post.

_In._

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't even look at Stan right now. I just couldn't do it. But the hand never left my shoulder. It pulled me into his arms and he just embraced me. I buried my nose into his jacket and trembled. His words echoed in my head from days ago.

'_Dude, you can tell me anything. You know that right?'_

I swallowed and lifted my head, my eyes meeting his which were full of extreme concern. I needed to get this off my chest right now.

"Stan, I'm gay."

I expected him to shove me off of him like he'd been electrocuted, but he didn't. He didn't even let me go. He just looked at me with genuine surprise. Then his face contorted in anger. I winced my eyes shut, expecting the worst. His grip tightened on my arms.

"Why. The FUCK. Wouldn't you tell me something that important, Kyle?!" he snarled. I opened my eyes slowly and saw his eyes burning into mine, demanding an answer.

"I…" I whispered, unsure of what to say. "…I don't know. I really don't fucking know."

"I'm your super best friend you asshole!" he exclaimed, shaking me slightly. "Did you forget that?!"

"No! I know you are!" I insisted. He grit his teeth together.

"Do you know how fucking frustrated I've been for the past few _weeks_? I've been trying to figure out what was going on with you and it's been driving me crazy! Damn it Kyle!" he snapped, finally letting me go. I hugged myself, shivering slightly. He looked up at me, the anger fading from his eyes when he saw me wipe my nose which was starting to run as I fought back tears. "…Kyle?"

"I'm s-sorry… Stan I just… dammit…" I choked back a sob, utterly disgusted with myself for getting emotional in public. "C…can you walk home with me?"

"Yeah." He answered and led me away, hand on my back in a comforting gesture. I kept reminding myself to breathe. Having a panic attack right now would solve nothing. I just had to hold out until I got home… and then I could just go to the bathroom and take my glass shard and everything would go away for a little while.

_Just distract yourself. Talk. TALK!_

"Stan." I managed to get out. "D-Don't tell anyone."

"Of course I'm not going to fucking tell anyone. Who am I going to tell, Kyle?" he growled, annoyed at my apparent lack of trust. I sighed. "Seriously. Kenny? Cartman?"

"OH GOD NO PLEASE DON'T!" I cried out, my heart skipping a beat in my chest. Stan shushed me immediately.

"I wont I wont I was being sarcastic shh!" he whispered loudly, rubbing my back. I calmed myself slightly and after a long moment of silence I found my words.

"K-Kenny sort of knows." I replied. Stan looked at me like I slapped him in the face. "He just guessed, Stan! I didn't _tell him _anything. I denied it. But I think he still knows."

"…Well that can't be helped. At least Kenny's not a dick so you don't have to worry about this getting out, alright? I just wish you would have told me earlier, Kyle. I never would have set you up with Bebe. What did she do anyway?" he asked. I snapped my eyes shut.

"She stuck her tongue down my throat Stan. And then she fucking molested me." I growled. Stan's entire body tightened up.

"If she wasn't a girl, I would beat the shit out of her right now. Wait until I tell Wendy that. God. What a slut!" Stan vented, pulling out his phone.

"No!" I yelled grabbing his arm. "Please don't make a big deal out of this! I just want to forget it happened."

"But-"

"No Stan. I-I can deal with this alright?" I asked as we came up to my block. "I just need to get home and sleep."

"Kyle I'm… I'm so sorry. Are you sure you're going to be okay until tomorrow? Maybe I can convince your mom into letting you sleep over at my house." Stan suggested as we got to my house.

"No. No I need to be alone. Night Stan. I'll see you at the bus stop, alright?" I replied, almost running up my porch steps.

"A-alright dude… night." Stan muttered, guilt plastered all over his face.

I shut the door quickly and headed up the stairs as fast as I could. Mom saw me, but said nothing as I dove into my room and locked the door behind me. My hands were shaking as I threw my jacket on the floor and headed into the bathroom.

_I need it. I need it right now._

I tore open the cabinet, carefully took my glass shard out, and washed it under the sink. My legs were starting to tremble with need as my heartbeat was racing in panic.

_C'MON C'MON C'MON!_

I sat on my stool and almost lifted my sleeves, but remembered that I had no more space left on my arms to cut. I groaned audibly and thought quickly.

_HURRY THE FUCK UP!_

My hip! Who the hell would think to look at my hip? Genius! I bet Ike wouldn't be able to think of THAT.

I pulled my pants down slightly and rolled up the bottom of my sweater until my hips were fully exposed. I randomly decided that my left hip would receive the honor and lined the glass up with my skin. The second I sliced into my flesh, the tingles shot up and down my spine. I gasped loudly at the sensation. As pain spread throughout my skin, I felt my mind go blank and my heart begin to slow down.

_Fuck yes…_

Blood started to leak from my carefully placed incision as I brought the glass a few inches higher. I sliced into my skin a second time, dragging the glass further than I did with the first cut. I made sure to push harder when I did it again, making the cut even deeper than before. Pleasure mixed with pain and danced together in the emptiness of my blissfully calmed mind. I actually let a slight moan escape from my throat. I almost couldn't recognize my own voice when I did it. It didn't sound like a noise I could make.

I started to get a little dizzy and knew I should stop… but it was just starting to feel so amazing. Why stop now?

I raised the glass just under my bruise and lined up the point with my skin. Just as I was about to pierce myself for the third time, I was snapped back into reality.

"THE _**FUCK**_ KAHL?!"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Author's Note: Enjoy :3 Don't forget to follow favorite and review! I cherish all of your opinions a great deal! WARNING! LIMES AHEAD! I REPEAT LIMES AHEAD!

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU DO NOT LIKE KYMANY LIMEY GOODNESS!

…

…

…

I was still coming down from my high when I looked over my shoulder at Cartman. He was standing in the bathroom doorway and staring directly at the glass shard in my hand. Before I could react, he slammed the bathroom door shut behind him and locked it. I dropped my glass shard and yanked my shirt down in a pathetic attempt to cover the profusely bleeding wounds on my hip. The blood quickly seeped through the fabric as Cartman turned around and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, his eyes burning with a combination of confusion and anger. He pulled me close enough for our noses to touch, his fist audibly tightening around my shirt. I was finally able to snap out of the shock.

"W-What are you doing in my house, fatass?!" I demanded, still slightly out of it. My blood covered hands feebly pushed against his body in an effort to get away from him. He was like a concrete wall against my palms. There was no way he was going to budge. His eyes narrowed and I gulped.

"This… Is this what you've become, Kahl?" he growled in a low rumble. I shivered at his tone. "A FUCKING EMO?!"

"I'm NOT an emo!" I snarled right in his face. He scoffed and shoved me away letting me fall back on the stool, his eyes fixated on the spreading blood stain.

"Yeah right you pussy! Why the FUCK wouldn't you call me?!" he demanded. "You know what? I don't give a shit! For the next hour you are going to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and do everything I fucking tell you to GOD DAMMIT!"

I blinked, absolutely horrified.

"What?!" I snapped. "Why the fuck would I do that?!"

"Because you're my fucking Jew and I said so! Now sit on the edge of the tub!" he commanded. I just stared at him, unmoving. His eyes narrowed and I remained frozen in place, just shocked.

…_**his**__…jew?_

"Kahl sit on the edge of the GOD DAMNED TUB!" he exclaimed. I didn't hesitate this time. I sat down on the edge of the tub. The stool had a blood puddle where I had been sitting, so I stared at it. Cartman kicked it out of the way and picked up a towel, kneeling in front of me. "Take off your pants and your shirt."

"W-W-WHA-" I choked, but he slapped his gloved hand right over my mouth, face hardened. I was numb at what he was asking me to do. Well… I was still numb in general. I couldn't even feel the blush on my cheeks, but I knew it was there nonetheless.

"I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD FUCKING TALK YOU DUMB KIKE! Do you have underwear on underneath?!" he asked, completely serious. I nodded pathetically. "Then don't make it fucking weird, alright?! Just do it!"

I squeezed my eyes shut in embarrassment and reached down to undo my pants, my hands trembling. I couldn't even grip the zipper properly; I was so dizzy and nervous. Cartman sucked his teeth loudly in impatience and replaced my hands with his now ungloved ones. I whimpered in protest, but he shot me a look that shut me up almost instantly.

"Don't. Make it. Weird." He demanded. I stared back at him in fear and my entire body shivered. He seemed to be frustrated at my expression. "Jesus Christ Kahl, you act like I'm going to hurt you or something."

"…C-can you blame me? After everything I said to you? A-and then your mom…" I trailed off as he pulled down my blood stained pants and tossed them to the floor with my shoes. He looked me right in the eyes, his expression making my heart skip a beat.

_Did he have a black eye?_

"It's not your fault that happened. And I told you to shut the fuck up. You're not a good listener, Jewrat. Keep your mouth shut and let me fucking help you. I'm seriously." He growled. I nodded obediently and started to sloppily pull off my shirt. Cartman slapped my hands away and began doing it himself. "Daywalkers are so fucking slow! You wanna bleed out? Why are you wearing this stupid long sleeved faggy sweater anyway?"

I didn't answer. I didn't have to. The moment it was off, his attention was on my arms. They looked much worse than they did this morning. He grabbed my wrists and turned them over so he could get a clear view. His expression was something I couldn't read. I felt my eyes droop a bit, my hip still bleeding. I blinked a couple of times as Cartman seemed to break out of his daze, his eyes never leaving the mess on my arms. He turned his attention to my hip, pressing down on the wound with the towel and applying pressure so the bleeding would stop. But I know that his mind never left my arms.

"_Christ…"_ he whispered, and turned his eyes on mine once more. They were filled with horror and surprise. As if he didn't know I was capable of such things. Something clicked in my brain and I felt guilt rise inside of me as his look became a glare of disappointment. "When did you do this?"

I looked away, closing my eyes. Maybe if I ignored him he would just turn out to be a figment of my imagination and he would disappear. …But then I would be lonely. He suddenly grabbed my hat, gripping the hair concealed inside of it and tugged roughly. The action made me cry out and forced me to look him right in the eyes. The image before me was shocking.

He was… _tearing up_.

"C-Cartman…" I whispered. His jaw clenched and he blinked away the forming tears.

"When. Did. You. Do. This." He demanded through clenched teeth.

"…After our fight when I left…" I began, my voice shaky and uneven. "I didn't mean t-to… to make you so mad. Things just kept getting worse. My dad called and h-he was drunk out of his mind. He said that I was a… he said some pretty horrible things. When I got home my mom was being nice but then… I forgot to brush my teeth this morning and she could smell the alcohol."

Cartman let go of my head, my hat lopsided and my hair poking out from underneath.

"Because of our fight." He muttered.

"What?" I asked. "No I still probably wouldn't have remembered to brus-"

"What did she do?" he cut me off. I blinked and tried to think up a lie as quickly as I could, but Cartman was staring at my forehead. I instantly struggled to pull my hat down but he beat me to it, and instead, he tore it off. He stared at the gash in complete silence. I could almost feel the anger radiating from him, the pressure on my hip slacking a bit.

"Cartman…" I breathed. "Cartman just calm down."

"What did she do?" he asked again. "Don't play your sneaky Jew games with me. I'm fucking seriously- you better tell me the truth."

"…She said that if I wanted to become an alcoholic like my dad… then I should get started. And she made me drink an entire bottle of whiskey in front of her. …She smashed me in the head with it and I went upstairs to puke my guts out and I took the glass out of my head and I just decided to cut myself. It… It makes me feel better. Look, it was my fault for drinking at the sleepover anyway, alright? I… I was practically asking for it when I lied on top of being caught. But it doesn't matter now. I'm fine." I tried to assure him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He stared at my hand and shrugged it off angrily.

"Why the fuck does everyone I love have to be a GOD DAMN MARTYR?!" he snarled. I blinked at him.

…_what?_

"You sound just like my fucking MOM! You both get the shit beat out of you and instead of standing up for yourself and having some GOD DAMN FUCKING SELF RESPECT you take it like a PUSSY ASS BITCH and say you're FINE and not to fucking worry. Well earth to the fucking JEWRAT! You're NOT FINE! Just LOOK AT YOURSELF!" he spun me around in front of the mirror. I swallowed and stared at me mostly naked reflection. I tried to do as he told me and examined all of the wounds that decorated my body; from my healing rib to my infected arms to the gash on my forehead. I stared at them, but I still didn't care what I looked like. It didn't matter. None of it mattered to me. Because I couldn't stop hearing his words in my head.

_Everyone he loves? Everyone he loves? Cartman? Love?_

"…You don't hate me?" I whispered, turning to look at him. He seemed to be surprised at that and his face reddened. Cartman was **blushing**.

"Of… O-Of course I fucking hate you!" he snapped, pushing me back and sitting me on the tub once more. He removed the towel from my hip, satisfied that the bleeding had stopped. He grabbed some antibiotics and peroxide from my cabinet. "Why the hell wouldn't I?"

I looked down at him as he brought the stuff over and kneeled once more. I couldn't help but smirk at the sight of him kneeling before me. His face flushed at my smirk and he blinked a few times.

"Don't get used to this, kike. Wipe that fucking smile off your ginger face before I tear it off!"

"What happened to your eye?" I changed the subject. He shrugged and poured some peroxide on the towel.

"Kenny punched me because I was being an asshole. Why the fuck do you care?" he asked lining up the towel with the cuts on my left arm.

"I don't know. I just do."

He shot his head up, meeting my gaze. He smiled a bit at hearing his own words being used against him. My blush darkened and I felt it this time. It was really hard to ignore. Then a searing pain ripped through my body. I started to scream, but Cartman shoved his hand over my mouth. I was almost blinded by the pain in my arm. So much for the numbness lasting as long as before. I couldn't help the pained whimpers and groans that came from my mouth.

"Ay! This is your own goddamn fault! So shut the fuck up and take it!" he yelled. I fought back the tears and shook my head stubbornly. Cartman rolled his eyes. "It's just peroxide asshole. Stop being such a goddamn pussy!"

I shoved his hand away from my mouth.

"Shut up Cartman!" I exclaimed. "I am not a pussy!"

"Oh yes you are. You're the biggest fucking pussy I know, Kahl. Don't deny who you are deep inside in that sandy ass vagina." He snickered and moved on to the next arm. I cried out pathetically, but tried holding my breath. I got through it, but when he poured the peroxide over my hip… I almost blacked out. Cartman held me steady until the agonizing sizzling came to an end. He started to rub the antibiotics into my hip. My breath hitched at his gentle touch and he smirked as I closed my eyes.

"I… I'll prove that I'm not a pussy… stupid fatass…" I managed to get out as his warm hand moved in circular motions around the incision I made closest to my chest.

"Oh yeah? Wanna make a bet, Jew?" he asked, lowering his slimy hand to the second cut. I bit my lip, face flooding with color. _Moses_ that felt good.

_Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner._

"W-What kind of… of bet…?" I whispered opening my eyes and not looking down at his magical hand. He had that stupid smirk on his face, but for some reason I didn't mind it this time. I couldn't tear my eyes.

"Whoever cries in front of the other person first loses the bet. The victor gets…" Cartman lowered his voice dramatically. "…Ten dollars."

"You're on fatass. There's no way I'm going to lose that kind of b-…" I trailed off as he glazed his fingers across the third cut. It was right next to my crotch and he made sure to pause when he got there. I held my breath. His eyes filled with mischief and… something else I couldn't quite figure out. But it was fucking hot.

"…What's the matter Kaahhhl?" he purred with a slight chuckle. "You're all flustered…"

"I… just…" I tried to fight against the heat that flooded into my groin. Cartman raised his eyebrow as if intrigued, and continued to rub in the antibiotic slowly and dangerously close to my crotch. He brushed past my inner thigh and I hissed under my breath, gripping the tub. He let his index finger trail up and down my hip, teasing me. A quiet moan escaped my throat before I could stop it. Both of my hands covered my mouth and I felt my face get beet red.

"Well well well… Is that a flagpole in your boxers or are you just happy to see me?" he asked, pursing his lips. I squeaked in embarrassment and tried to cross my legs, but he pushed it back down. I didn't mind _his _hand on my knee at all…

Fuck…

"I need to do your arms." Cartman said quietly. I hesitantly allowed my hands to leave my face and presented my arms to him. He rubbed the antibiotic into the many cuts that decorated my arms. I recognized how focused his face was from that time we were in math class. I heard Cartman chuckle, never looking up. "You're staring at me again."

"W-…Well where the fuck am I _supposed_ to look?" I demanded quietly. He didn't answer that. Instead he shot me an amused smile. I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

_Damn his cute smiles…_

He grabbed some gauze and began to wrap my arms carefully. Then he took the peroxide soaked towel and reached over to clean the gash in my head. The pain stung through my scalp and my eyes watered, but I squeezed my eyes shut. I would NOT lose this bet.

"Won't be long before I get that ten dollars, Kahl." He said in his gloating voice. I groaned from under him as he rubbed the antibiotic into my scalp. I let my head lean into his chest and he froze for a moment, but then resumed what he was doing. I took that as permission. It felt nice to lean into him. It was really warm and comforting. I listened to his heartbeat in an attempt to tune out the world.

_Bu-bump_

_Bu-bump_

_Bu-bump_

I smirked to myself. It was beating so fast. I took in his scent and exhaled content for the first time in what seemed like forever. I silently wished that time would stop.

"You've been through a lot." He said quietly, dabbing at the wound on my head. I said nothing. I just let myself breathe. He took that as permission to continue. "…If you don't get your mom some help, she's not going to stop. She's just going to get worse. Take my mom for example. I wanted to tell her to stop prostituting for years, but I didn't. Now look at what happened. …Part of me is glad it did because it was a wake-up call for me. Now I'm going to get a job until she's better and then I'm going to help her get a job."

"…I'm glad." I murmured into his jacket. He moved away and helped me up, grabbing my pajamas that were hanging on the back of the door behind him. He handed them to me and I took them, pulling the pants on carefully.

"That's not the point, Kyle." He said. I froze.

"…Did you just call me Kyle?" I asked. "…Kyle? Not Kahhl?"

"Ugh yeah because I'm being totally seriously and I need you to actually listen. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, Kahl." He replied. I pulled on the shirt and started to button it up, my eyes never leaving his.

"O-okay then… I'm listening _Eric_." I smirked. He glared at me, unlocking the bathroom door and rolling his eyes.

"Don't call me that. You're not allowed to." He said. I laughed, following him out of the bathroom and into my room. He watched as I sat on my bed and sat next to me.

"My point is that I thought my opinion didn't matter when it came to her and that I was stupid for even caring. So I stayed out of her way and she almost died. In your case, you're going to let her walk all over you until the people you want to get help from aren't that busy. And that is total bullshit, alright? Ike would want to know what the fuck was happening to you here. And your dad was drunk off of his fucking yamakah and would probably explain himself if you gave him the chance to. …You know when he's not fucking smashed." Cartman went on. "I'm not going to sit back and watch you break in half. You need to stand up for yourself and stop being a pussy whipped ginger Jew from jersey!"

I was blown away.

"…Cartman… thanks for saying that. I didn't realize you cared so much." I murmured. He scoffed.

"Psh I don't you stupid asshole. If you become a masochistic emo piece of shit, how the fuck could I keep ripping on you all the time? You just be all like, 'aww yeah Cartman you're right… I am a stupid ginger asshole.' And where's the fun in that?"

"Shut up fatass!" I snapped. He grinned happily at that, but covered my mouth with his hand which I slapped away.

"Shut up she'll hear us daywalker."

"Then stop pissing me off asshole!" I whispered.

"OH. And the next time you cut yourself or don't fucking contact me, I will kick you square in the _nuts_. You got that kike?"

"Don't call me a kike!" I hissed under my breath.

"Kike. Kike kike kike kike KIKE!" he exclaimed quietly so we wouldn't be heard. I felt my face heat up with anger.

"SHUT YOU-" I started to scream, but he cut me off with his lips. I forgot how to breathe. Both of his hands held my face to his and tangled in my hair. At first I just remained frozen in shock, but then I gave into my feelings and melted into his kiss. This kiss was so much better than the one I was forced into earlier.

I felt a bead of sweat travel down my neck as I let my hands touch his chest in curiosity. I could feel his heartbeat pounding against my hands as his tongue brushed across my lips. I hesitated and felt him yank my head back by my hair. He pulled back a bit as I flinched.

"Open up Kahl…" he murmured against my mouth. I moaned with a wince as he tugged at my hair, opening my mouth. He took full advantage, pressing his mouth to mine once more. Instead of shoving his tongue down my throat like Bebe had, he gently slid it across my own. I sighed at the heavenly sensation, my body trembling as our tongues battled for dominance. Cartman's hands trailed down my neck and sides as he pushed me into the bed, his hard-on pressing into my thigh.

_**Fuck…**_

And then my mom knocked on the door.

We both stopped immediately and sat up, staring at the door. My heart was racing so fast, I thought it would explode. I looked at Cartman wide eyed.

"Bubbula?" She asked, her voice soft. "Can Mommy talk to you for a second?"

Cartman nodded at me.

"Y-yeah Mom just uh… just gimme a second." I replied, my eyes still burning into his. Cartman smiled at me and stroked my cheek with his knuckle.

"I'll see you at the bus stop." He whispered and climbed out of the window. I watched him leave and closed it, sighing sadly. My mom knocked on the door again as I closed the blinds and got up.

I answered the door and she smiled at me. An actual genuine smile. I blinked in confusion.

"Bubbe? You know how much I love you right?" she asked, gently tracing her fingers over the gash on my head.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I've been stressing you out so much Mom." I replied. She led me to my bed and sat me down. I could have sworn I saw her tear up.

"I know you are. And… a lot is going through my mind bubbula. I can't really make sense of it all. I'm just so sorry for lashing out at you like I have. I'm going to fix this. I'm going to fix everything. I just need you to trust that I know what's best for you as your mother." She said.

"Sure mom…" I muttered and she kissed my forehead.

"Your group presentation is tomorrow right? I know you'll do amazingly." She gushed tucking me in. "My son is the smartest boy in that school."

"Thanks mom." I replied, trying not to look at her strangely. She kissed my forehead once more and turned off my light.

"Sweet dreams. Mommy loves you, Ike."

She closed the door and I stared at the ceiling.

_She thinks I'm Ike now?_

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt tears leak down my cheeks. Thank moses Cartman wasn't here to see. I froze the second his face popped into my head. All other thoughts faded away as I smiled, remembering.

_Cartman… Kissed me…_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Author's Note: I'm glad you guys are so pumped about the kiss :) I loved writing that part! Here's the next chapter, so if you like this and want me to continue (or if you have any suggestions) please leave a review, follow the story and most importantly leave a favorite ;) I love you all soooo much!

…

…

…

I slept late and had to rush out the door again, but managed to get to the bus stop a little early somehow. I found it quite strange that no one was there until I checked my clock. I hadn't woken up late at all! My alarm went off an hour early.

I needed to do something about my mom and fast. It surprised me to find her home when I went downstairs this morning. She was just sitting at the table and staring into an empty glass when she should have been at work. I knew he wouldn't be awake, but I had to reach out to him before something really bad happened. Even if he was mad at her. I dialed my dad's number with a sigh. It rang for a long time, but eventually went to voicemail.

"H-hey Dad… it's Kyle. I know Mom's the last person you care about right now but… well she didn't go to work today and some things have been really …strange around the house without you around. Please go check on her for me. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but I don't think she'll listen to me at all. …I gotta go. I love y-… um… bye I guess." I winced at how awkward I sounded and hung up. What the hell was wrong with me? I was just calling Dad… who said I was a mistake… but he was drunk… so he didn't mean it…?

I groaned and leaned against the bus stop pole, fishing my insulin out of my bag. I learned my lesson last week and was not going to go through that again, or trust my mom to pick up the _phone_ never mind bring it to school for a second time. I pulled up my sleeve and eased the needle into my skin, feeling the familiar tingles float down my spine. Pain still gave me a surge of pleasure, but it wasn't a very healthy habit to be forming so I'd have to be a bit more careful.

_I just have to remind myself over and over that I don't need it._

I heard Stan and Kenny approaching and looked over my shoulder as the insulin pushed its way from the needle into my body.

"Hey Dude." Stan greeted me as he got closer. "…What happened to your arm? Why is it all wrapped up?"

"…I'll tell you later." I replied, focused on what I was doing.

Kenny pulled down his hood and pointed at the needle.

"What the hell is that?" he asked. I pulled the empty syringe away from my arm and looked over at Kenny with a smirk.

"My insulin. I was rushing so I just grabbed it on my way out." I replied. I heard a scoff from behind me.

"Insulin? Yeah right. It's probably the soul of an innocent child that he's trying to force into his empty ginger body."

I swallowed, feeling the blood drain out of my face as I pulled down the sleeve of my shirt. Looking over at the source of the familiar voice, my heart started to beat a bit faster.

"…H-hey Cartman." I murmured. Stan and Kenny both craned their necks to look at my face, eyebrows raised.

"He just insulted you, and you say "hey"?" Kenny asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Dude what's that about?" Stan agreed. I felt my mouth get really dry as I looked over at Cartman. He was looking at me with a curious expression, as if trying to read my thoughts. That stupid smirk was plastered on his face as he crossed his arms.

"Well, Jew?"

I glared at him.

"What? I can't be nice every once in a while?" I asked. He shrugged.

"If by nice you mean a total pussy."

"Shut up asshole!"

"Make me daywalker."

"You guys fucked, didn't you?" Kenny chuckled.

"What?! NO!" Both Cartman and I yelled at him. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose as the bus pulled in.

"Guys can we just go to school?" he asked as the doors opened. Cartman shoved a laughing Kenny into the pole as he got on first. Everyone seemed to be sitting in different places today. There weren't any double seats available, so I couldn't sit next to Stan. I headed for the back and sat next to Tweek, who seemed to tense up. Well… more than usual. I looked over at him and smiled as the bus started off down the road.

"Hey Tweek, how's it going?" I asked. He fidgeted a few times and looked out the window. I raised my eyebrow. "…Uh…Tweek?"

"G-Gah! …I'm n-not supposed to t-talk to you!" he said quietly, his body trembling.

"…Why?" I asked. He shivered, whining under his breath and moving as far away from me as possible. I turned my body to him and placed my hand on his shoulder in concern.

"Why dude? Calm down." I said. He pushed my hand off and sprung out of his seat in extreme panic.

"GAH! Don't TOUCH me!" he exclaimed and fell in the aisle. A lot of people pointed and laughed at him, but I just stared in confusion. Cartman was howling in laughter.

"HAH! Tweek's having a fucking seizure!" he laughed, pointing with everyone else. Kenny was covering his mouth, trying not to laugh.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" The bus driver lady screamed. Tweek ran over to the front of the bus and I scooted over to the window where he left. Stan sat next to me.

"That was weird." He said. I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. I mean I know Tweek is… well Tweek. But that _was_ weird, even for him. Why is he not supposed to talk to me?" I replied. Stan shrugged.

"I don't know dude. But I wouldn't think about it too much. It's probably nothing. Are you ready to present today?" he asked. I nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, totally. We're going to get an A for sure!" I said. Kenny leaned over to us and tapped my shoulder.

"After school today do you guys want to come over to Cartman's with me?" he asked.

"AY! I didn't invite anyone over poor boy!" Cartman snarled.

"I invited myself over, lardo. And Stan and Kyle. Deal with it and make sure we have some good food." Kenny chuckled.

"Sounds good to me." Stan smirked.

"No way hippie!" Cartman began. "My house isn't there for you freeloaders to waltz into whenever you-"

"Actually I can't." I interjected. He looked at me with a strange expression, eyebrow raised.

"…What? My house isn't kosher enough for you?"

My eyes narrowed. Kiss or no kiss, he was pissing me off.

"No I just have football practice." I growled.

"Football isn't as important." He replied.

"Why is that?" I asked, an amused smirk on my face.

"My mom's letting me pick up KFC!" he exclaimed.

"Fatass."

"Fuck you Kahl you stupid fucking Jew!"

"Don't belittle my people, asshole!"

"Shut up you guys." Stan rolled his eyes. "You're giving me a headache!"

The bus ride was short like usual and I was actually excited for class. It was going to be a great presentation, I could just feel it. As we got off the bus, I couldn't help but feel a bit paranoid. People seemed to be avoiding me like I was the plague, _especially_ the other guys. The girls just giggled a lot which was annoying in itself, but I tried not to let it affect me as I opened my locker. Kenny leaned against it and smiled at me.

"So how was it?" he asked as I stuffed my books inside.

"How was what?" I replied stiffly.

"Your date last night with Cartman."

I froze what I was doing and glared up at him. He waved his hand at me while chuckling to himself.

"Hey I kid I kid. Don't get worked up dude."

"How did you know he came over last night?" I muttered. He smirked in a way that pissed me off more than Cartman's smirks.

"You just told me." He said playfully and poked my nose with his finger, walking away. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Why did you assume he came over?" I demanded.

"Are you that stupid Kyle?" he snickered. "I told him to. Well the way he was going on about how worried he was about you, I'd be surprised if he didn't go to see you."

I was at a loss for words as I felt my face heat up.

_He told Kenny he was worried about me?_

"Just do me a favor and keep everything you 'figure out' a secret, will you Ken?" I muttered. He laughed at that.

"Of course, Kyle. You guys are my friends. …But if you ever want to experiment, feel free to come to me." He teased, tickling under my chin. I slapped his hand away as the bell rang.

We all started to file into the classroom when I bumped into Craig and dropped my books to the floor. I muttered an apology and started picking them up, when they were knocked to the ground once more. I looked up in confusion.

"Don't touch me, homo." Craig growled in a low voice and kicked my book away as he made his way to his seat. I didn't move or even blink for a good minute. No one else seemed to have heard what he said except for me. Homo? **Homo?**

"Kyle Broflovski would you please get up off of my floor?" I heard Mr. Prickclit ask from behind me. I got up and retrieved my book, shock still coursing through my veins as I sat down between Stan and Cartman.

_They know. _

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Maybe I was wrong… Maybe it was just a couple of people. I looked around the room to see judgmental eyes. Some kids were snickering in the back and hushed when I looked at them. It was official. The whole school knew.

"Dude? Are you okay?" Stan asked me. A bead of sweat fell down my face and I clutched my desk. Kenny and even Cartman were looking at me in concern at this point. Anger coursed through my body and I started to tremble.

"No…" I growled. "I'm not…"

"Well what the fuck is the problem then, Jew?" Cartman asked, genuine worry underneath his usual venom. I opened my mouth to answer, but the teacher walked over to us.

"Since the four of you are so eager to talk, I'm going to assume that you're ready to present first." He said.

"Hell yeah." Kenny replied taking out the poster board from behind his desk and setting it up on the board. Cartman got up, holding the essay in his hand with Stan and I close behind. Kenny and I held the poster board up as Stan pointed at it while Cartman began to read.

"John Dalton was a relatively bald, dorky, glasses wearing chemist in the early 19th century and his work was focused on the behavior and properties of gases. He used his work on gases to come up with his law of proportions which was true to the smallest particle or atom. He then found out that he could use that to…" Cartman went on when a crumpled up piece of paper hit me in the head. I looked over to find the source, finding myself eye to eye with Clyde. He was smiling at me in a taunting manner. I glared and looked away, trying to focus on Cartman's voice. "When John Dalton created his atomic theory, it was based on simple deductive reasoning and was later; testing by his successors proved that the majority of his theory was totally kewl. Dalton was able to…"

"If I could hook up with Bebe again, I'd be..." Clyde began quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

"Soooo happy?" Craig finished his sentence, matching his volume.

"Yeah. What a total dick. Who pushes down a willing girl?" Clyde responded.

"A fruity turd burglar." Craig muttered. Most of the class on the left side started laughing and I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my ears burn.

"AY!" Cartman yelled, getting everyone to shut up. The teacher looked up from his newspaper and Cartman pouted at him. "M-Mr. Prickcliiiiiiiit? I'm trying to read and this class is being disruptiiiveeeee…"

"Silence in my class. No one should be talking except Eric." Mr. Prickclit said. The class quieted with a few stray snickers here and there. I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life.

Lunch couldn't come fast enough. I ducked through the halls in an attempt to avoid unnecessary confrontation with well… anyone. Except for one person I'd been looking for all day. Bebe. Classes had been a nightmare! I was being teased and laughed at everywhere I went. I don't know which was worse- the whispering or the blatant insults. I spotted Wendy just as she was about to duck into the lunch room and I pulled her to the side. She yelped in surprise, but her eyes softened when she saw that it was me.

"Oh h-hi Kyle…" she said, her face full of pity.

"Don't hi me. Where the hell is Bebe and why did she tell everyone I was gay?!" I snapped angrily. She backed up a bit.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of Kyle… I mean you are, aren't you?"

"Wendy that's not the fucking point!" I retorted.

"Well what do you expect? You shoved her to the ground. I mean, Stan told me what she did and I totally agree that she's really slutty for doing that, but still. Are you honestly surprised that she would want revenge after that?" she replied. "This could be a great thing, Kyle. This is a modern society. You'd think people would grow up and not give into bigotry initiated by peer pressure. I mean, I'm still proud to call you my friend."

"Yeah? Well you're like the only one now! Did she tell you that she was going to do this?"

"Y-yes but-"

"And you JUST LET HER?!" I yelled, seriously starting to lose my temper. Her eyes filled with tears and Stan noticed from across the hall, rushing over.

"I tried to talk her out of it!" she wailed, burying her head into Stan's chest. Stan looked from Wendy to me, completely confused. Token paused as he was walking by and shook his head in disbelief.

"Geez Kyle. I know you don't like girls, but you don't have to make them cry." he muttered and continued to walk down the hall. I watched him leave as my fists tightened, starting to follow him. Stan pulled me back.

"Dude dude dude… calm down." He murmured.

"Calm down? You think I need to CALM DOWN?!" I exclaimed, throwing his arm off. He blinked in surprise, Wendy hiding behind him.

"Yes!" he replied. "I do!"

"None of this would have fucking happened if you didn't set me up with that slut! This is ALL your fault Stan!" I kicked the locker next to me, affectively denting it, and stormed into the lunch room. I hugged the wall and avoided all of the snickers around me, heading straight to an empty table near the broken water fountain. My foot was throbbing in pain, but I was way too angry to care. I felt the tears burn in my eyes and hid my face in my arms so no one would see. I felt someone sit next to me and judging by the way the table creaked as they sat down, I had a good hunch as to who it was.

"You're so dramatic Kahl."

"What are you doing here, Cartman?" I murmured, my head still down and buried in my arms.

"I'm here for my ten bucks of course." He chuckled. I lifted my head and glared at him.

"I'm not crying, fatass."

"Aww… then I came over here for nothing." He pouted at me slightly. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"…Why are you really here?" I asked sadly. He rolled me an apple and I caught it right before it fell off of the table. I looked back at him and he was picking at his lunch as if making an effort to avoid my gaze. His nose was red too.

"You didn't eat today." He replied quietly. I smirked a little.

"What? What was that? I didn't quite hear you." I teased.

"Just eat the apple you stupid jew." He growled, the red spreading into his cheeks. I shrugged and took a bite which seemed to satisfy him. I felt another paper ball smash me in the forehead and sighed.

"Who's that your boyfriend?!" Clyde jeered.

"Want to find out, dickhole?!" Cartman snarled, fist raised. He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm. I looked him in the eyes, silently begging him to let it go. He sat down with a huff andonce again turned his attention back to his food.

"…Sitting with me is ruining your reputation you know." I muttered.

"Huh. Like I give a fuck what they think." He spat.

"I thought you'd enjoy seeing me get made fun of like this." I replied with a hint of curiosity in my voice. He turned to look at me, eyes burning with that same expression from before. I couldn't decipher it, and yet it sent a shiver of desire down my spine.

"Listen to me, Kahl. The only one who gets to rip on you is me. You're _my_ Jew." He growled in a low rumbly voice. I blushed and looked away; taking another bite out of the apple he gave me. Something inside of me stirred and I felt myself smile.

_His Jew, huh?_

I looked over to our usual table and saw Kenny talking to Stan. Stan tore away from their conversation and glanced at me with an apologetic expression. I tore my face away angrily and violently bit the apple.

"What did that apple ever do to you, daywalker?" Cartman chuckled.

"It's not the apple I'm angry at. It's the whole school. And Stan." I said in a low voice.

"What did the hippie do now? I thought you were super best friends." He replied. I shrugged.

"It's a long story Fatass. And the bells about to ring."

"Kenny and Stan are going to pick you up after football practice and bring you over to my place, so you better get over your period soon." Cartman said. I looked at him unsurely and tossed the apple core on his empty tray.

"But-"

"You're coming over, Kahl. Get that sand out of your vagina." He smirked as the bell rang.

"Goddamn it Cartman I don't have sand in my va-"

"Yeah yeah." He interrupted, tossing the tray in the trash. "I'm going to kick your ass in gym today, Kahl. We're playing capture the flag."

"No you won't." I waved him off.

"Want to bet, Jew?"

"You're on Fatass."

I waited until all the guys cleared out of the locker room so I could sneak in and change by myself. I was a little late for class because of it, but it was worth it I think. I was at my insult limit for the day, I really was. I avoided Stan like the plague even though Kenny kept trying to encourage me to talk to him. I sort of ignored everyone. I was too busy avoiding the snickers and the whispers to realize it was happening all around me. At least by staying focused on the game at hand, I was able to win my bet with Cartman. Too bad I didn't have anything riding on it, as he quickly reminded me. Even still, it was the highlight of my day. That's for sure.

I thought the worst was over and decided to follow everyone else into the locker room to change. I was tired and sweaty and just wanted to be out of my sweats, so I didn't really think about waiting for everyone else to be finished. Huge mistake. The entire time I was changing, Craig and Clyde were snickering behind me.

"He's so scrawny, I bet he'd break in half if someone pounded into him from the back." Clyde laughed.

"Well if that's what he likes, than who are we to judge?" Craig replied. I growled under my breath and looked up at them. They instantly tried to cover themselves with their clothes. Even Tweek tried to cover his mostly naked body and hid behind Craig.

"Oh knock it off you guys!" Stan exclaimed. "He's not any different than he was before so stop treating Kyle like he's going to rape you!"

"Cartman tell your boyfriend to stop molesting me with his eyes." Craig said, making most of the boys laugh. Cartman glared at him.

"Shut up Craig you fucking asshole. You're one to talk. You've been fucking Tweek for months!" Cartman retorted. Craig flipped him off.

"N-No he hasn't- GAH!" Tweek exclaimed.

"Will you all just SHUT UP?!" I exclaimed, slamming my locker closed. The sound reverberated throughout the room and everyone stared at me. My body shook in anger. "There's nothing wrong with me! I'm gay! So fucking what?!"

"SO we don't feel comfortable changing in front of you." Clyde said, moving over to me. "There's a guy's locker room and a girl's locker room so no one feels like a piece of meat. Why should you get to fuck us with your eyes?"

"I'm not fucking anyone with my eyes." I growled.

"Yeah right." Craig added.

"That does make me feel kind of uncomfortable." Token agreed.

"Why should you be able to gawk at our nearly naked bodies and create sick fantasies in your head? How is that fair to us?" Clyde asked, getting closer to my face. I clenched my jaw.

"I wouldn't do that." I growled, my face burning with anger. I was starting to see nothing but red.

"And we're just supposed to trust that you're not thinking about all the disgusting things you could do with us? It's not like you can help it you fucking queer." Clyde spat. My vision blurred and I lost it. My arm just extended like a reflex to his words and my fist connected with his nose.

_Crack._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Author's Note: Hey all :) I'm giving a personal shout-out to 1esor2! Thank you so much for sharing your life experience. The fact that you connected to my story really touches my heart! Good for you in being proud of who you are! I'm so glad you, as well as everyone else who reviewed, are enjoying my story so far.

Quick shout out to all of my amazing reviewers: symphknot, silver-wolf-demon-girl, RealmThirteen, serendipityrain711, DaringDecay, Ari, CelticQueen09, Madeline Myth, LOVESYOURFANFIC, Stuckinapornstar69, Jp, Cster, aloasa, samusaran101, Kyle'sJew, Southparkfangirl, Falassion, thekillerrox123, Lino-chan, Actiongal07, Mistress of Craziness, Occasus98, Jay, Carlayyy, and all the anonymous reviewers or guests :D Know that I read each and every review and that I consider all suggestions and ideas. If you have a suggestion or an idea and I like it and I use it, know that I dedicate the chapter to the person that gave me the idea :) Just food for thought *hint hint* ;)

Now I know you all want to get right to Kyle and that locker room drama, BUT you know how much I love to torture you guys so I have a little surprise for you instead.

I have big plans for this story, so I'm excited to get to it :)

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…

…

**IKE'S P.O.V.**

I glanced down at my watch as I leaned against the large golden gates. Dad was already fifteen minutes late and wasn't picking up his phone at all. Looking behind me, I took in the amazing view of my old college campus. As of 5 o clock noon, I was officially a drop out. I breathed a sigh of relief and enjoyed the fresh air that poured into my lungs. Freedom.

I couldn't take it anymore. Med school was painfully easy and my classmates were so slow. I felt like I was learning at the pace of a dead turtle. The classes were so boring and I aced all of my tests without even studying. It was all so boring to me. I was so happy to finally break out of that prison. Now I could actually start my life the way I wanted to. Mom could just suck it.

I saw Dad's car coming down the street and held onto the strap of my bag tightly as I headed towards the curb.

"Ike!" I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Ike wait!"

_Dalilah…_

I turned and watched sadly as my beautiful professor rushed towards me. I was hoping not to run into her. Goodbyes weren't my strong suit. I saw the tears running down her cheeks and felt my chest tighten.

_Shit._

"Ike…" she sniffled, breathing heavily when she reached me. Her gorgeous eyes glistened in the sunset as her chest rose and fell, her perky breasts moving with each heavy breath. "Ike tell me it isn't true! It can't be true! You can't leave!"

"…I'm sorry Ms. Stevens." I sighed. "I have to go home now."

"You shouldn't care what the other students say about you, Ike. You're so much smarter and more talented than they are! It doesn't matter if you're ten years old. Not to me!" she cried as she bent down and hugged me tightly. I smiled into her cleavage, remembering how interesting she made classes for me. Even though we had to sneak around so she wouldn't get arrested, our relationship was something I would never forget.

_Especially not the sex. _

"I'm leaving because I want to do something with my life that I can enjoy. I don't want to be a doctor. It isn't any fun. I'm going to pursue art, Ms. Stevens. Remember the drawings I did in your class? I've decided I'm going to be a comic book writer." I smiled at her, my hands resting on her hips. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"But Ike… you're so advanced. These classes were so easy for you. You could really make a difference in the world! You could cure cancer!" she exclaimed.

"Maybe I will do that one day when I'm really really bored and I just want to pass time. But right now, I want to enjoy my youth." I replied. She smiled a bit at that.

"You will succeed with whatever you want to do in life, Ike."

"I know."

"Maybe you don't need to leave yet…"

"I do. My big brother needs me."

"I… I won't forget you." She muttered, her voice quivering. I smirked as I opened the car door and threw a wink at her.

"Right back at ya babe." I said and closed the door behind me, waving at her as she disappeared along with the rest of that stupid school. I turned my attention to Dad, who was obviously still hung-over. I smirked.

"Hey." I said. He looked in the mirror at me and smiled even though he was exhausted.

"Hey son. Sorry I'm late. This morning was rough." He yawned, keeping his eyes on the road.

"It's your own fault pops. I told you to stop drinking." I replied.

"I know…" he sighed. "I just needed a break from it all. I promise you now that the divorce is finalized and you're going back home, I'll stop."

"Yeah you will. Because I won't let you now." I chuckled and he smiled at me again. "…I missed you and mom so much."

Dad's eyes softened and he squeezed the wheel a bit tighter.

"I missed you too son. It's been so difficult. Hey… Now that you're home, maybe you can convince your mom to let me see Kyle." He suggested. I felt my stomach churn.

"…What?"

"Since the divorce, your mother has been very protective over him. I haven't really been allowed to come over since she got a restraining order against me and I figured Kyle needed his space to deal with the change." He replied. My jaw tightened.

"No Dad. Kyle texted me a couple of days ago saying he wanted to talk to you, but I told him not to since you've been drunk off your ass!" I snapped.

"C-Calm down, Ike. I haven't talked to him." he said quickly.

"Yeah well I'm surprised you even picked me up today since you never called me before like your promised you would." I rolled my eyes. He fidgeted nervously.

"Before when exactly?" he asked.

"Saturday fucking morning Dad!" I growled in irritation.

"Watch your language young man! I most definitely called you on Saturday morning! I just don't really remember a lot of the conversation that's all!" he exclaimed. "Ike put your seatbelt on."

I didn't budge.

"Dad." I felt myself start to sweat. "You never called me."

"I… I didn't?" he asked, trying to remember.

"No."

"…Then who the heck did I call?"

My heart sank.

"…Where's your phone?" I muttered.

"In my jacket back there with you. It's been off since last night." He replied as I violently rummaged around to find it. "The alarm went off at like 2am and I shut it off. I was rushing this morning so I didn't get a chance to turn it back on. Why?"

I stared at his phone's screen as it slowly turned on. The screen came to life and I saw two missed calls. The first one was mine and the second one was Kyle. Before I could look into that, I looked through the call history. On Saturday morning at around eight o clock… Crap.

**Kyle Broflovski.**

"Ike can you please tell me what's wrong? You're scaring me." Dad muttered his eyes full of worry.

"Just drive Dad!" I snapped and noticed he had a new voicemail. I opened it up and pressed the phone to my ear.

"_**H-hey Dad… it's Kyle. I know Mom's the last person you care about right now but… well she didn't go to work today and some things have been really …strange around the house without you around. Please go check on her for me. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but I don't think she'll listen to me at all. …I gotta go. I love y-… um… bye I guess."**_

I winced at how incredibly awkward my brother's voice sounded. Something was wrong. Something was incredibly wrong.

"Dang it Ike, what is it?" Dad demanded. I glared at him angrily.

"You called Kyle you idiot!" I snapped at him. He looked at me like I was a ghost.

"I… I what? No! No that's impossible! I don't rememb-"

"Because you were totally smashed Dad! Of course you don't!"

"Y-You don't think I said anything that may have hurt his feelings do you?" he panicked.

"You were fucking smashed!" I repeated. "Of course you did! You must have because he left you a message this morning and I just listened to it and he couldn't even say 'I love you'!"

"Oh moses!" he exclaimed. "W-What the heck did I say?!"

"It must have been bad. This really isn't good. Kyle's been hinting about Mom a lot lately. Was she acting different at all when you left?"

"I was too angry at her to really notice, Ike! A lot was going on! The main reason we even split up was because of her attitude towards you boys and your futures! O-Of course she was acting different!" he stammered. "The last few fights I can't really remember…"

"You fought with her when you were drunk?!" I yelled. He winced.

"Not so loud Ike!"

"Dad you have no idea how horrible you are when you're drunk! Who knows what you could have said to her! Kyle said mom's been taking things really hard and that she was acting different! What if she starts taking it out on Kyle, Dad?! What if she hits him or-"

"Sheila would never do that!" he yelled back at me. "She loves you both too much! She would never lay a finger on either of you!"

"You don't know that, Dad! You fucking change when you drink! Your words really hurt! What if she snaps under the stress of it all, huh?! People go through mental breaks! It happens all the time to a lot of people!" I snarled. He turned to me at a red light.

"How the heck would you know?!"

"I almost graduated from med school Dad! I know this shit!"

"…Kyle would tell us. Kyle would reach out and tell us." Dad panicked, a car honking behind us. He turned back and drove forward. I stared into the seat.

"We both know that's not true." I murmured.

"Damn it…" Dad swore under his breath. "We won't get home until tomorrow morning, Ike. What are we going to do?"

I held my head in my hands.

_Hang in there bro…_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Author's Note: Hah GUYS GUYS I just realized that the teacher Ike had sex with in pre-k's name was Ms. Stevenson! I didn't even realize that :O it must have been in my subconscious when I wrote that lmao oh well. It's still a totally different person I promise. You know cuz the old one jumped off a building and all? Ahh… that was funny. *Wipes tear of laughter from eye* Whew… ANYWAY, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to serendipityrain711! She suggested an idea having to do with Butters and Cartman. (and a little hint of Bunny ;)) Hope I did it justice :3 ENJOY ALL! Read, Review, Favorite, Follow, blablablablablaaah lol Love you all so very much! HOLY COW ALMOST 100 REVIEWS WHAT?! :D

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**KYLE'S P.O.V**

"W-…Waaaaaaaaaahhahahahahahahhahhhhhhh…" Clyde held his hand over his nose as he cried, backing away from me until he hit the lockers behind him. Craig, Token and Tweek seemed to form a protective circle around him as Kenny, Butters, Stan and Cartman pushed me behind them. I watched helplessly as Token placed his hand on Clyde's shoulder.

_I… punched him._

"Clyde stop crying like a little bitch." Craig said in his usual monotone. Clyde dropped his hand and glared at me angrily, his teeth bared. Blood was dripping from his nose down his chin.

"You b-broke my n-n-nose!" he whimpered and tried to lunge at me, but Token held him back. A huge wave of guilt swept over me.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" I almost whispered.

"You're sorry?! YOU BROKE MY NOSE!" Clyde spat. I winced at the volume of his voice.

"YEAH WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU GET CLYDE! YOU FUCKING BUTTHOLE!" Cartman yelled. Stan's hand clutched my shoulder.

"N-Now fellas… let's just all calm down." Butters stammered, pulling Cartman back a little bit.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" The P.E. teacher's assistant walked inside, tightly clenching his clipboard. He gasped after taking one look at Clyde. "Jesus boy! What happened to you?"

"Kyle punched him in the face because he called him a qu-" Craig began but Kenny shoved his hand over his mouth before he could finish. I didn't even feel like I was there anymore as the assistant looked over at me in disappointment, only to turn back to Clyde who was crying again.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, reaching out to touch Clyde's nose.

"Yeah it fucking hurts! It's broken! I want to go h-h-home waahhaaahhaahahahhhh…" Clyde slapped the assistant's hand away. The assistant started to lead Clyde out of the locker room, but turned to me at the last second.

"Go to the councilor Broflovski. Right now." He growled and left. I stared at the doorway for a while after they disappeared with the rest of the class. Cartman, Stan, Kenny, and Butters stayed behind with me.

"HAHAHAHAH! Did you see Clyde's face when Kahl punched him?! He was all like BAM and Clyde was all like Wahaahahhhh no please Hahahahahah!" Cartman laughed.

"I have to admit Kyle, I didn't think you had that in you." Kenny punched my shoulder playfully, as if proud of me. I felt my jacket being placed over my shoulders by Cartman.

"Let's get this trip to the councilor over with, Jew. I have a job interview in twenty minutes over at KFC." He muttered.

"Cartman! Kyle's in trouble!" Stan exclaimed. "This is serious!"

"Pff no its not. Clyde was being an asshole so Kahl socked him. Clyde started it. You'll just turn on the water works, give me my ten dollars, and then blubber on about how you're a victim of bullying. Easy peasy lemon squeezey, right Kahl?" Cartman looked at me with that manipulative grin. I looked at him, but didn't really see him. I had no response or thoughts in my head at that moment. I could only think about one thing. Stan turned me to him in concern.

"Kyle? …Kyle? Hello?" Stan asked shaking me slightly. I blinked once and tried to think of some response. Nothing came to mind.

"W-What's wrong with him?" Butters asked as he poked my face. Kenny grabbed Butter's wrist gently and stopped him.

"I think he's in shock." Kenny murmured.

"Shock? Crap we gotta snap him out of i-"

"I punched him." I stated, interrupting Stan. They all kind of craned their heads at me. I gulped, looking down at the ground and zipped my coat all the way up. My eyes didn't leave the floor.

"C'mon. I haven't got all day-" Cartman started but Stan growled in annoyance, turning to him.

"No one gives a shit about your stupid interview Cartman!" he barked. Cartman rolled his eyes and I looked up at him.

"It's okay Cartman. I'll come over after football practice. Stan and Kenny will still pick me up like we all planned, right?" I asked, my voice weak. They both nodded as I started to leave, but Cartman stopped me.

"Yeah. _You _have company but now _I_ have to walk to KFC by _myself_!" he complained. I blinked, not really having a response in me.

"Well I'll take you Eric!" Butters chirped. There was a short pause.

"…Fiiiiine." Cartman groaned, but moved out of my way so Stan, Kenny and I could pass. As we did I shared an apologetic glance with Cartman that did bring some heat to my pale face. Kenny and Stan quickly walked me to the councilor's office and paused at the door. I turned to them and sighed.

"We're here for you." Kenny put his hand on my shoulder. I smiled sadly and looked over at Stan, who had his hands shoved into his pockets.

"…You don't have to wait for me guys. Especially not you, Stan. I was really unfair to you before. I'm sorry for what I said in front of Wendy. I was just so angry…" I grumbled and locked eyes with him briefly. He smiled in support.

"I'm not going anywhere dude."

I felt an incredible urge to hug him, but I held it down and just nodded with a smile of my own plastered on my face. I put my hand on the door and took a deep breath before opening it, heading inside, and closing it behind me.

"Hey there Kyle. Take a seat, Mkay?"

…

…

…

**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

_Damn that Jew! Always doing something stupid! He always manages to take the good out of my day and fuck it up!_

As I walked down the street, I almost forgot Butters was walking along next to me. …_Almost._

"Loo loo loo I've got some apples."

I mean, who does that kike think he is? Ruining my perfectly good day. No. No! Ruining my perfectly good _week_. All week the only thing that I've been able to concentrate on is… well him! And my mom. OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES MYSELF. God damn. I might as well be the one on that damn cross.

"Loo loo loo you got some too."

I felt a sharp pain in my head and winced, rubbing my temples. Its alright Eric. It alright. Clyde Frog is dead, so now the only person you have to deal with is yourself. …and the jew. NO! Damn it what the hell is happening to me?

"Loo loo loo lets make some applesauce take off our clothes and loo loo l-"

"GOD BUTTERS WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?!" I screamed, pointing my finger in his face. He stopped immediately and blinked a couple of times in fear at my finger.

"Oh hamburgers! S-…sorry Eric. I was just keeping myself preoccupied while you were spacing out and stuff." He muttered to me innocently.

"…Whatever Butters. God you're so lame." I groaned and let my hand drop as I continued to walk down the street. He tilted his head to the side and followed close behind, keeping quiet until we reached the end of the block.

"Hey Eric?" he asked. I pinched the bridge of my nose in the way Stan usually does.

"What?"

"Do you think Kyle's going to be okay?"

I stopped and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. He seemed to be unfazed, which worried me.

"What makes you think I give a shit about that stupid _jewrat_?!" I snapped, feeling a slight blush take over my nose.

"Well because he's our friend. He's one of the fellas and fellas need to stick together. …Um could you put me down please, Eric? This is starting to hurt a little and people are staring." He stammered, hands over mine in an attempt to loosen my grip. I wasn't taking that shit. Butters is such a horrible liar.

"Alright Stotch." I pushed him back. "How much do you know?"

"I uh… I don't know what you're talking about." He fidgeted and tried to continue walking, but I grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Butters." I warned. His eyes filled with fear at the sound of my low tone. He sighed and his gaze changed to a sympathetic one.

"Having a crush on someone is nothing to be ashamed of, Eric."

I stared back at him, the burning spreading into my cheeks and neck. I swallowed as he judged my reaction silently.

"GOD DAMN IT KENNY!" I snarled, turned and started to go back the way we came. Butters attempted to pull me back, but just sort of let himself get dragged behind me.

"Oh Jesus! W-w-wait your job interview! Please don't go that way!" Butters begged and I bit the inside of my cheek starting to slow down. "N-Now Eric please don't be too sore at him…"

"That was personal!" I snapped, looking back at Butters. "And it was a secret that he wasn't supposed to tell anyone! And-"

"Now you listen to me mister!" Butters raised his voice which caught me off guard. I watched him in surprise. "Kenny told me because he knows that we're friends! And Kenny said that you need to talk to me! That you needed my advice! A different uh… what did he say… point of view."

"We're not friends, Butters." I spat. His eyes narrowed a bit.

"Hey that's not very nice, Eric. I know we've had our …u-ups and downs and all… but that doesn't mean we aren't friends." He replied. I looked away, tightening my fists.

_He's right._

"…I don't have a fucking crush on Kahl. Kenny was lying." I growled.

"Really?" Butters walked over to where my face was, and I looked away again before he got a good look. Or so I thought.

"Really!" I snapped.

"Well then why are you blushing silly?" He laughed. I groaned audibly and started walking to KFC again.

"I have an interview."

"We still have fifteen minutes, buddy. …So why are you pretending like you don't have a crush on Kyle?" he asked.

"Because I don't!" I snapped.

"…oh." He muttered quietly. We continued walking for a couple of minutes in silence. "…But you do."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes. "I don't know what Kenny thought you could give me advice about. You're Butters. What do you know?"

"Oh! …W-Well I know a lot of things!" he exclaimed, smiling like an idiot. "Like you're not supposed to ignore your feelings… and follow your heart… and-"

"Shut up with your clichés already! They don't apply to me!"

"W-Well sure they do!"

"Butters, are you even gay?" I asked with a scowl. He blushed a bit.

"Well no I'm bi-curious…" he muttered. "At least… at least that's what Dad told me. But if it's okay for me to be bi-curious, then it's okay for anyone to be gay or straight or a tranny or uh… what else is there?"

"Butters." I warned. "This better have a point."

"R-Right. The point is that the kids at our school are just being stupid. I think that if it's wrong to be yourself, then nothing else in the world could be right." He replied with that goofy smile. I stopped in front of the KFC building and looked over at Butters, considering what he was saying. He took that as permission to continue. "Honestly Eric… I think this was a long time coming. Y-you and Kyle have always hollered at each other and called each other some pretty bad names, but… now that you both grew up with the rest of us, I think you're really close. From the way you protect him and the way he looks at you in classes and when we all hang out… it's not that h-hard to see how much you're attracted to each other. And well… I think that's p-pretty special."

If I didn't know better, I would have reached out and hugged the little twerp. His words seemed to answer every question I had in my head, but at the same time did not cure the undeniable anxiety I felt.

"…Yeah. Okay? Yeah. I _am_ worried about him." I mumbled.

"Well so am I. And so are Stan and Kenny…" he counted on his fingers. "…but wait. Do you think it's going to distract you from the interview?"

"Pffff." I scoffed. "Butters do you know me at all? No one knows KFC better than me. By the end of this interview they are going to be begging to be around my very presence. …It is distracting though."

"I-I don't think you can help him at this point, Eric. He'll come over tonight. Right now you need to focus on this job. I believe in you!" he smiled, patting my shoulder.

I walked inside the KFC, my thoughts never leaving that ginger.

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

"Hi Mr. Mackey…" I muttered and sat down in the familiar chair.

_How many times have I sat in this chair?_

Too many times to remember. I looked over at Mr. Mackey who was adjusting his glasses and looking through the pile of papers in front of him. How the years had aged him. I sat back in the chair as he cleared his throat.

"Haven't seen you here in a while Kyle. …I think you should tell me what happened, mkay?" he said in a quiet, comforting voice as he folded his hands on top of his lap and watched me intently.

"Don't you already know what happened? I mean, if you have to call my mom and tell her I punched a kid, then just do it." I sighed. Mr. Mackey tilted his head to the side.

"Now Kyle… I want you to think of me as your friend… mkay? Yes, I have to call your mother before you leave as per school regumalations… mkay... but I'd like to find out _why_ you felt angry enough to lash out and hit Clyde, mkay?"

"I… I really don't want to talk about it." I looked down, fidgeting in my chair uncomfortably.

"Was he saying mean things to you?"

"…Yes."

"What did he call you?" he asked.

I sighed. He tilted his head slightly. Might as well spit it out.

"A queer."

"M…Mkay…" he replied. "And how did that make you feel?"

"…Um… angry? I sort of punched him in the face so… yeah."

"But Kyle you need to understand that you boys are in high school, mkay, so sometimes your fellow classmates will "insinuate" things about your sexuality in an attempt to be "funny". …Mkay?" he began. "But that doesn't mean they're serious. If you want them to stop saying those things to you, you just have to ignore them."

"But I _was_ ignoring them. ALL day! They were calling me all kinds of names all day and throwing papers at my head. I just couldn't keep ignoring them anymore! Ignoring them doesn't work!" I exclaimed in absolute frustration. Mr. Mackey sat up.

"That's not an excuse, Kyle! Under no circumstance is violence the answer. Punching is BAD, Mkay?" he said in a matter of fact way.

"I don't normally lose my temper like that, Mr. Mackey. It won't happen again. I still don't know what came over me! I've been under a lot of stress lately, alright? No one understands." I folded my arms across my chest angrily.

"I know your family has been going through a divorce, mkay, but that's no reason to allow your temper to thrive and take it out on other students. Mkay." He replied. I sucked my teeth.

"This isn't about the divorce! This is about everyone in the school ganging up on me!" I snapped.

"Now calm down Kyle, Mkay? Why would everyone be doing that?"

"It's all because of a stupid rumor that Bebe has been spreading about me."

"And what would that be?" he asked curiously.

"That… That I'm gay." I muttered.

"But Kyle, it's just a rumor… Mkay?"

"No. It's not Mkay." I growled.

"M…kay. If it's just a rumor, then why does it bother you so much?"

I didn't respond to that. I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears.

"Kyle I'm your councilor, mkay? You can talk to me about anything. …Why don't you tell me why you're so upset about this… Mkay." He placed a hand on my shoulder. I sighed and looked at him sadly.

"…Because it's not a rumor." I explained. "I really am gay. And everyone is treating me differently now. …I hate it."

Mr. Mackey gave me a kindhearted smile. It was the kind of smile that made you want to smile too. But I didn't.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Kyle. Have you come out to your family yet?" he asked. My eyes grew wide.

"What?! No!" I exclaimed. "And I'm not going to!"

"Kyle… Being in the closet is bad. …Mkay? You need to accept yourself for who you are. If you do that, then the other kids will leave you alone." He replied. I raised my eyebrow.

"What? How?" I asked.

"Right now the other kids are calling you names and laughing at you because you're unsure about your sexuality, mkay. Instead of you telling them proudly that you're gay, they had to hear from one of the girls in your class. Now, when they call you names, mkay, you feel insecure and you lash out at them. You give them attention and that's what they want. Mkay. So they're going to keep doing that until you stop giving them attention. Just ignore them until they lose interest and move onto the next kid to make fun of. Mkay?" he asked. I tried to take in what he was telling me, but it was a lot. He left me to my thoughts and turned to his desk. I was snapped back into reality when I heard him speak into the phone.

"Hello, Mrs… I mean Ms. Broflovski? Yes this is the school counselor, Mr. Mackey, Mkay? Um… theres been a little incident at the school and your son was involved. …What? …Oh no he didn't get beat up, mkay. He seems to have punched another child in the face after gym class and broke his nose. …Yes… well there seems to have been some sort of bullying directed at Kyle all day today, Mkay, and seeing as this is his first major offense in many years he won't be suspended or anything like that. ….Right. Just detention starting next week until the end of the month mkay…uh-huh…" Mr. Mackey looked over at me as he listened to my mom on the other line. I felt a bead of sweat travel from my neck down my back.

"Right… Mkay… M…Mkay. …What was that? Oh the bullying? It seemed to be about your son's preference in-"

I shook my head violently and waved my arms to get his attention. Mr. Mackey paused to look at me and I mouthed, "NO NO STOP".

"…well I think he wants to talk to you about it when he gets home, Ms. Broflovski. I don't believe it's my place to say, mkay."

I slouched in my seat, exhaling loudly in relief.

"…Uh-huh… Mm-hmm…. Alright yes. I'll tell him, mkay. …Mkay, no problem. Bye bye now." He muttered and hung up. "Alright Kyle, your mother said to come home right away, mkay?"

_Fuck that shit. I have football practice._

"…um… thanks for not saying anything." I replied quietly, getting up. "It would have been really bad if you did."

"Well what do you mean by that?" he asked, lifting his head. I froze at the door.

"N-nothing!" I said quickly.

"…If you ever need to talk, I'm always here Kyle." He replied honestly. I looked behind my shoulder and gave him a small smile.

"I know. You're always here, Mr. Mackey." I said and closed the door behind me.

"Mkay."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Author's Note: Hey all :) Sorry I haven't been updating on a daily basis! I was hanging out with my friend and taking a bit of a break. I also want to linger a bit more on the quality of the future chapters since we're past the halfway point of the story :) So expect a new chapter every 2-3 days. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it! On an unrelated note, I just re-watched 'It's a Jersey Thing', and once again the Kyman feels attacked me. I might reference it soon ;) This chapter is dedicated to Ari for the small reference I added in about Stan's "really gay" hybrid car song.

SLIGHT LEMON WARNING. DON'T GET EXCITED FOR IT. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Sorry in advance…

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**Kyle's P.O.V.**

The sun was high in the sky as I left the school building and headed over to the football field. I glanced down at my phone and noticed that it was a little after 3:00. I told Stan and Kenny that I needed to get to practice as fast as I possibly could since I was already late.

"We'll pick you up by like… 5:30." Kenny muttered as we all turned the corner. I gave him a sad smile and felt Stan pat me behind the back. I was starting to feel shaky and nervous. A desire burned in my chest to find something sharp…

_I wonder if my shard is still on the ground in the bathroom…_

The way it entered my flesh when I felt this way… _Moses_, my body was craving for it again. I just had to remind myself to breathe through this and concentrate on reality.

"Go blow off some steam. Tackle some freshmen or something." Stan said, snapping me out of my daydream. I chuckled a bit as they walked me to the gate.

"Thanks guys. I don't know what I would do without you." I replied and made my way across the field where everyone was running drills. The coach locked eyes with me and walked over.

"Kyle! I thought you'd never show up. Why the hell are you late?" he asked in concern. I rubbed my arm nervously.

"I got into trouble." I admitted. He cocked his head to the side.

"…Is Clyde also in trouble then? Because he's the only other person absent _and _you both go to the same school."

"S-Something like that, sir."

"Well whatever. I don't want you to be late ever again, you got that? Get changed and get on these drills!" he ordered.

The next two hours were pure bliss. All of the anger I felt deep inside was able to come out in a really productive way. Coach said he never saw me so into the game before. I couldn't help but feel a bit proud of myself as I ran across the field. Sweat leaked from my face and my muscles ached in just the right way. Practicing three times a week might just get me through the next month or so.

**SLAM!**

I fell to the ground with a huge weight on top of me, the football falling out of my hands. I cried out, the hit literally knocking the breath out of me. My shoulder was throbbing slightly.

"Nice try, Broflovski…" Marcus's breath was at my ear as he held me down. "But no one can escape _my_ tackles."

Marcus was a twelfth grader with an enormous build and an ego to match. He easily had to be the buffest kid in school, not to mention all the girls who constantly pined after him. He knew about it and although he seemed to ignore them, it definitely didn't go unnoticed. He was a seriously full of himself, stubborn, wall of muscle.

Not to mention he had the strongest throwing arm I'd ever seen.

"Sh-Shut up and get off of me!" I muttered as I struggled to push him off of me. I couldn't help but blush as I felt his pelvis bone press into my thigh as someone else laughed.

"You need to build up some strength, Broflovski." Tyler snickered. "Marcus isn't _that_ heavy."

"Bullshit!" I growled and used all my energy to slide out from under Marcus. I managed to get to my feet and walk right into Tyler who was much closer than I thought he was. I stumbled back at the contact and muttered "Sorry…"

Tyler was the fastest guy on the team by far. He was another twelfth grader and extremely skinny, but made up for that with his undeniable speed. But everyone knew how incredibly slimy he could be and he wasn't very popular because of that. But that never seemed to stop Marcus from hanging out with him.

Tyler shot a devilish grin my way and walked closer which caused me to back up right into Marcus. I felt my face burn and shoved both of them away in irritation.

"Stop it! You guys always mess with me and it's getting annoying!" I snapped, keeping my distance. Tyler leaned his elbow on Marcus's shoulder as the two snickered at me.

"But you're so much fun to annoy." Marcus replied.

"Yeah you're so puny." Tyler added. I rolled my eyes.

The coach blew his whistle, which meant it was the end of practice. I removed my helmet only to be greeted with my ridiculous matted and sweaty head of hair. I groaned trying to push it off my face as the two jocks walked towards the locker room, all the while making fun of my hair loud enough for me to hear them. I always hated my hair and for good reason. It was so difficult to tame. I tried to run my fingers through it which only covered my hands in my own sweat. I wrinkled up my nose in disgust.

_Gross._

I headed into the locker room and stripped out of my drenched gym clothes. I was in serious need of a shower. Peeking around the corner, I had to make sure that the showers weren't being used. I could hear the loud voiced in the other room. The team was always loud after a practice.

_At least they're not in here._

I was never very comfortable with showering around others. Scrubbing your dirty body next to another person? That is just plain creepy. I headed over to the showers and turned one of them on, ducking my head under the hot water. I let out a content sigh as the hot water eased the tension in my aching muscles and the room filled with steam. After scrubbing my hair clean and washing my body, I closed my eyes and visualized myself surrounded by a warm red aura. Its heat enveloping me, I couldn't help but feel like I was being hugged. So comforting…

I was so distracted that I hadn't noticed how quiet the locker room had become. I almost forgot where I was until I heard two other showers being turned on next to me.

_What the…?_

I opened my eyes, only to find myself practically sandwiched between a very naked Marcus and Tyler. I yelped in embarrassment, covering my junk and ducking out from under the comforting water.

"Guys, what the fuck?!" I squeaked. They laughed loudly, watching me with amusement in their eyes.

"Relax Broflovski." Marcus chuckled, running his hands through his hair as the shower poured on him.

"You're not the only guy who likes to shower in here you know." Tyler added with a sly smirk on his face. I looked down only to realize that two naked guys were in front of me, which caused me to snap my head up again in an attempt to avoid seeing their dicks. I gulped as suds dripped from my hair down my face.

"There are showers everywhere! Why did you have to pick the ones that were right next to me?!" I demanded.

"Really? There are? I don't see any…" Tyler murmured. I rolled my eyes again and pointed across the room.

"Right there you idi-… Gah!" I realized I had exposed myself and covered my junk again. They laughed as I scowled. "Very funny!"

"Don't be embarrassed Broflovski." Marcus said with a friendly smile as he scrubbed his chest. "We're all guys. We all have cocks."

"Besides," Tyler added. "We saw you showering when we walked over here anyway."

My face should have fallen off, it was burning so badly.

"You still have soap in your fucking hair." Marcus snickered at me, turning away to rinse off.

"Yeah you look really stupid, Kyle." Tyler chimed in and turned to the side to scrub his neck.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Not wanting to come off as weird, I went back to where I was between them and put my head under the water. I tried to rinse out my hair as quickly as I could, keeping my eyes shut. I felt something start to scrub my back and nearly jumped out of my skin. Marcus frowned as I shoved his hand away.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I exclaimed.

"I was getting your back for you. It's hard to reach. Tyler scrubs mine all the time." He replied calmly.

"I can scrub my own back Marcus!" I snapped trying to walk away, but Tyler grabbed my shoulder and pushed me against the tile wall.

"Don't act like you don't like it." He chuckled, his hand not leaving my shoulder. His eyes burned into mine with interest.

"W…What…?" I asked, barely able to breathe. I was more afraid than I'd been that entire week. Marcus smirked and leaned forward, his lips touching my neck. I shuddered, too afraid to speak.

"We heard you swing for the same team." Tyler smiled, letting his hand trail up and down my chest as the water poured down my back.

"I… N-no…" I whispered. I felt Marcus's lips at my ear and trembled.

"That's right, Broflovski…" he purred, his tongue brushing against my earlobe. I whimpered and struggled to move away. "Have some fun with us. It gets lonely in here when it's just me and Tyler."

"J-Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm interested in e-either of you!" I managed to say. Tyler pouted.

"Aw… you're not interested in us?" he asked, his hand getting dangerously low. I shook my head violently, but he pushed me back against the wall. I gasped in shock as he shamelessly grasped my boner and stroked slightly. "Then why are you so hard?"

_They're going to rape me._

"G-Get OFF!" I yelled and shoved them off of me. Tyler slipped in the water and fell on his side, cursing under his breath. Just as I was about to grab my clothes and run, Marcus grabbed my arm. I looked back at him and stopped breathing. The look he was giving me was terrifying, and his grip was getting painful.

"Are you sure you don't want to have some fun with us?" he asked in a low tone. "You might not like what happens if you don't."

"Anything is better than getting raped in a locker room Marcus!" I snapped back at him.

"It's only rape if you don't like it!" Tyler exclaimed walking over while holding his side. "And you were clearly enjoying yourself."

"No I wasn't! This is not fun, it's _**sick**_!" I spat at them. "If I don't want to hook up with _one_ of you, then why the hell would I want to have a threesome?!"

Marcus let go of me.

"Fine." He said. "But don't say I didn't warn you, emo."

I looked at my arm for a moment, realizing that he noticed my cuts. I was just shocked that he actually let me go. They both watched me as I grabbed my clothes and changed in the corner. I felt their eyes burning into me as I wrapped my arms with fresh gauze. I'd rather be watched while I got dressed than raped. The second I was decent, I shoved my hat over my wet hair and fled the room. Once the fresh air hit me, my heart was able to slow down a bit. I could see Stan and Kenny waving to me from the other side of the gate. I bit my lip and took a deep breath.

_They don't need to know._

I quickly walked across the field and slung my bag over my shoulder. Marcus's threat lingered in my mind.

'_Are you sure you don't want to have some fun with us? You might not like what happens if you don't…'_

"What's wrong, Kyle?" Kenny asked, pulling down his hood.

_Damn it…_

"Nothing. Practice just really tired me out." I replied, my voice extremely shaky. Kenny's eyebrow was raised.

"You're really pale." Stan added pointing at my bag. "Is that heavy dude? I can carry it for you."

"No no I got it… I just have to put on my jacket and-"

"Accept our help, Kyle." Kenny said and grabbed my bag handing it to Stan. "Tell us what happened. Something happened."

"I…" I began, racking my brain for an answer. Then it hit me as I started to pull on my jacket, my eyes fixating on my arms. "Uh I was just really nervous because I figured you guys would still want to know about my arms."

"…oh. Okay." Kenny replied as we all began to walk. He seemed satisfied with my answer. But now I had to tell them about cutting.

_Shit…_

"Did you burn yourself or something?" Stan guessed.

"…Or something." I sighed, staring at the ground.

"Well? Spit it out dude." Kenny added. "And tell the truth."

"You're not going to like the truth." I replied. They both looked at each other, concern dancing in their eyes.

"Well it can't be that bad… right?" Stan asked.

"You tell me dude." I said and looked over at them. "…I've been cutting myself. A lot."

There was a long pause. Stan stopped walking and looked at me like I just died in front of him. I can't say I was surprised. He always thought of me as extremely pure. I figured it would be a shock.

"…Dude." He said sadly. Kenny stopped walking after Stan did and looked over at me with slight surprise, but nothing more.

"Ohhhhhhhhh, that's what he meant." He muttered. I raised an eyebrow and he saw me looking at him. "Oh sorry I mean… What?! NO WAY!"

I scowled.

"You knew?" I asked. Only one person could have told him. My fist clenched tightly. "God damn it…"

"No no no. No one told me Kyle. I just kind of guessed. It's not hard to figure out when you really think about everything you've been going through with the divorce and all." Kenny replied.

"Bullshit. What did Cartman tell you?!" I snarled, my temper rising. Stan looked confused. "Did _he_ tell you about the cutting?!"

"Wait wait wait what the hell does Cartman have to do with any of this? You told _Cartman_ that you've been cutting yourself but you didn't tell _me_?" Stan exclaimed dropping my bag.

"No! He walked in on me doing it Stan!" I exclaimed, too angry to look at anyone but Kenny who had his hands up in surrender. "But I bet KENNY knows all about that! Because that fatass probably TOLD HIM!"

"Kyle calm down! Cartman didn't tell me anything!" Kenny replied.

"Oh yeah right!" I rolled my eyes feeling my face heat up. "That means you know about my Mom too!"

"Kyle-"

"How about my drunk Dad?! I bet Cartman told you all about that!"

"Kyle listen to me I _**REALLY**_ don't know anyth-"

"And that he fucking kissed me! My life is fucking over!" I hid my face and leaned against a gate. Absolute silence stood behind me as I leaned my head into the metal bars. I wanted to decapitate myself. Then I heard Kenny start to laugh.

"Now _that_ I _**DEFINITELY **_ didn't know. Aha… AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he fell to the floor, hysterical. I turned around and scowled at him, ignoring the completely frozen Stan.

"What part of this is _FUNNY _to you?! Cartman betrayed my trust! Not that I'm fucking surprised." I spat. Kenny wiped his eyes and looked up still having a laughing fit.

"D-Dude… haha… AHAHAHA! Ha… h-haha… I haven't seen Cartman since he took his mother hahah-home from the ha-HA-HOSPITAL! He didn't tell me shit! PffffFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he rolled around on the floor. I forgot how to breathe again.

…_crap…_

I looked over at Stan who was a complete statue. He just stared at me both wide eyed and horrified. I swallowed, but my mouth was dry as hell.

_I can't believe I just told them that…_

"S-Stan? …Don't freak out." I muttered taking a step towards him. He backed up, blinking rapidly. His lip quivered slightly as he tried to find words. I looked down at Kenny who was still laughing, but seemed to be calming down a bit.

"Ohhhh this is too funny…" he smiled and looked up at me, wiping his eyes once more. He stood up and beamed at me. "So the fatass finally made his move. I'm impressed. I didn't think he would have the balls. Is… kkmmphh… is he a good kisser? HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut the fuck up Kenny…" I mumbled. A sound to my left snapped Kenny out of his laughter and almost made me pee my pants.

"_**DUDE?!**__"_ Stan exclaimed, his jaw dropping.

"OW!" I winced rubbing my ear. "Stan that was right in my ea-"

"How the _FUCK_ could you **KISS** _**CARTMAN**__**?!" **_he screamed. Kenny covered his mouth and I looked around, relieved when I saw no one around. Stan shoved Kenny's hand away, his eyes never leaving me.

"Stan shut the hell up! Do you want the hahawhole world to know?" Kenny asked, still trying not to laugh. Stan was not amused. At all.

"I didn't kiss him Stan…" I murmured, tomato red. "He kissed me."

"…I'll kill him." Stan growled and began rapidly walking down the block. I felt my heart sink and ran after him, Kenny close behind after he snatched my bag up off of the floor.

"Stan no!" I begged trying to pull him back. "I kissed him back!"

"He took advantage of you." Stan replied in the same tone. "He took advantage of you and he's going to pay for it."

"No he didn't Stan! I-… I _liked_ it, okay?!"

Stan stopped dead in his tracks, making me smash into him.

"What?" he asked. I swallowed nervously, extremely embarrassed and flustered. I looked down and picked at my fingers trying to think of how to phrase this.

"Stan he… he cares." I finally said. There was a long pause.

"…I care." He said quietly. I looked up at the back of his head.

"I know you care. I know. It's just that… it's different with him. He understands how I feel and… he makes it easier for me. Wh… when he kissed me, I forgot about my shit for a while. It's not something I can really explain, Stan." I stammered.

"But you hate him." Stan replied, still not turning around.

"…Yeah. I know." I agreed, looking at the ground. "…I still do. But not… not in the same way. I… like I said it's really hard to explain, Stan. But… he's changed. A lot from when we were kids."

"I don't believe that." Stan growled turning to look at me. His eyes were hardened and his words were direct. "Are you forgetting everything he's done to you?"

"I…" I trailed off looking away.

"You can't judge a man by his past, Stan." Kenny said. We both looked at him. "Kyle's right. Cartman is changing. He's _been _changing. I'm surprised you haven't noticed. Besides, I know something that you did that's wayyy gayer than Cartman kissing Kyle."

"Yeah right. What?" Stan scoffed.

"That faggy hybrid car song." Kenny snickered and Stan rolled his eyes in annoyance. Kenny threw my gym clothes at me and we all continued walking down the street towards Cartman's house.

"I don't trust him. And neither should either of you. He's manipulating both of you. I've let him get away with a lot of shit, but I'm not going to let him hurt you Kyle." Stan replied. I shook my head and looked up again.

"Stan… you're wrong. He really does care." I said hopefully.

"Not in the way you think he is. God, he has you so fucking brainwashed. We all know he's been obsessed with you since the second grade! First he wanted to piss you off and then he wanted to kill you! How many times has he tried to kill you?!" Stan snapped, shaking me by the shoulders.

"But he didn't." Kenny muttered, as if in deep thought.

"Stan he also saved my life!" I snapped, pushing him off.

"Yeah because he wanted you to suck his balls!" Stan exclaimed.

"But-"

"KYLE. He imagined you SUCKING HIS BALLS IN THE FOURTH GRADE! His obsession is getting really fucking dangerous! Don't fall for all of his manipulative shit! He's taking advantage of you! He gets _off_ on controlling you. On embarrassing you. He's fucking insane!" Stan snarled. I glared at him.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I muttered. "Kenny you think Cartman's changing for the better right?"

Kenny scratched his chin as we were crossing the street and opened his mouth to speak, but a truck came out of nowhere and smashed into him taking him with it. Stan and I watched, our mouths gaping in shock as the truck took off.

"Oh my god! He killed Kenny!" I exclaimed angrily.

"You bastard!" Stan shouted, raising his fist to the air.

"THERE YOU ARE!" I heard behind me. I turned and to my horror, I saw my mom stomping down the block. "KYLE BROFLOVSKI!"

"…oh shit." I whispered, trying to hide behind Stan.

"Oh shit your mom!" Stan exclaimed.

"I KNEW you went to football practice! What did I tell you?!" She screamed, grabbed my arm, and yanked me away from Stan.

"T-to come straight home…"

"That's right! I did! And here you are with your friend! Say goodbye to Stan because you won't be hanging out with him after school ANYMORE!" she snapped, took my phone from my pocket, and flung it into a tree. It snapped in half.

"M-Mom!" I exclaimed in shock. She gripped my arm and yanked me forward violently. I yelped in pain.

"We are going home right NOW young man and you are going to explain to me why you punched someone in the face! LET'S GO!" she screamed and pulled me down the block. I looked back at Stan with tears in my eyes. The last thing I heard him say before we turned the corner was…

"Dude…"


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Author's Note: 123 reviews and almost 42 follows. …I'm so happy :D Thank you all so friggin much! I agree that Kyle's Mom is out of character. Don't worry. Her true self will come out more once she gets the mental help she needs. But no more hints to the future chapters, time for this chapter :D

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**STAN'S P.O.V**

After everything I just saw, I knew I had to do whatever I could to protect my best friend. There was no way in hell I was going to let anyone else make things worse for him. If that meant busting open a lip or two, so fucking be it. As I turned the corner, I felt the blood pumping through my body and knew I had to confront him.

I stomped up the stairs to his house and pounded on the door to the point where my fist was throbbing in protest.

_Answer the door._

_Right now._

_Answer the door you tub of fucking lard._

The door opened gently and I was greeted by Ms. Cartman's kind face. My rage went from a boil to a simmer.

"Oh hello Stan dear. Come right inside! Eric is setting the table. He and I cooked a lovely dinner for you and Kyle. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Kenny…" She stepped aside and I walked in.

"I need to talk to Cartman for a second." I said through my teeth.

"Of course dear." She smiled and closed the door behind us, heading to the kitchen. Cartman didn't look away from the table, focused on folding the napkins.

"Hey hippie. Kenny died again. Asshole gave me a fucking migraine when it happened." he muttered. I tightened my fist.

"Cut the shit." I spat. That got him to look up.

"…Where's the Jew?"

"He's not coming. And I'm not staying for dinner, so I'm sorry Ms. Cartman." I said with a tinge of guilt towards the kitchen.

"Not a problem, dearie! Maybe some other time!" she called. Cartman's eyes narrowed and he headed over to me.

"Where. Is. The Jew?" he repeated with a slight attitude. I just glared at him until he clenched his jaw and turned towards his mom, who was poking her head around the corner. "I'm going out for a while."

"Be safe hun." She replied and headed back into the kitchen. Cartman grabbed my arm and pulled me outside, slamming the door behind him.

"Alright hippie start fucking talking." He growled. I shrugged his arm off angrily and stared him down.

"I'm not telling you shit!" I snarled. He laughed and reached into his pocket, pulling out his cellphone.

"I'll find out myself, asshole. Kahl will just tell me."

"No he won't." I rumbled as Cartman dialed on his phone. He looked over at me, raising an eyebrow as I took the remains of Kyle's phone out of my pocket and threw it at his feet. I watched his face as it quickly went from irritation to anxiety. "His Mom broke it and dragged him home."

"Christ…" he muttered and started to walk past me. I grabbed him by the back of his jacket, yanked him forward which made him choke loudly and pushed him against his house. "What the fuck?!"

"You stay the hell away from Kyle! He has enough to deal with without you playing your fucking mind games on him!" I spat, inches from his face. He tried to push me back but I was the strongest one out of the guys in our grade, and he knew it too. He cursed under his breath as I shoved him into the brick, scraping the back of his neck. "…Give me one good reason not to beat the shit out of you right NOW!"

"What the hell are you talking about hippie?!" he asked, eyes wide.

"Don't play dumb! You fucking kissed Kyle!"

He stared at me for a moment, but then his eyes lit up in understanding. He seemed to be fighting back a smile.

"Ohhh told you about that, did he? Well, what me and the Jew do together on our own time has little relevance to you." He replied.

"How dare you take advantage of him like that!" I responded, totally taken aback. "After everything he's been through!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about, so mind your own fucking business asshole!" he yelled, looking me up and down. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous…"

"Shut the fuck up! This isn't about me!" I exclaimed, my knuckles digging into his throat as he struggled against me. "The second you heard about him being gay, you just _had_ to exploit him DIDN'T you?! Gain his trust! Get on his good side! Stalk him until you caught him doing something so that he HAD to confide in you!"

Cartman choked, but I didn't let up on him.

"But you wouldn't stop there. Oh noooo, that's just too easy for a psychopathic tub of lard like you. Even with all of that blackmail material, you just _had_ to have more fun with him. Did you have a video camera set up when you kissed him?!"

"The fuck?! N-…" Cartman coughed. "You're choking me!"

"Going to show the whole school on Wednesday at the Election Assembly when it's your turn to speak?!" I demanded, pushing against him even more than before. "Didn't think I knew you were running for school president?!"

"God dammit Stan I'm seriously!" he wheezed, his face changing colors. I tossed him on his lawn and watched as he rubbed his neck, gasping for air. I grit my teeth together and continued.

"Too bad for you I caught on, huh?! This ends NOW!" I snapped, watching him on his hands and knees. His body started to tremble and I thought he was crying, but then I heard his laughter.

"Huh… huhahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed, trying to get to his feet. I started to lose my temper and pushed him down in the mud puddle near us. He didn't stop laughing.

"You're a fucking LUNATIC!" I screamed. He continued to laugh. I wanted nothing more than to break his thick neck in half. "GOD DAMMIT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"

"Haha… ha… Kenny thinks this is really funny that's all." He chuckled and got up wobbly, his pants smeared in mud. I was shaking at this point, the anger was so strong.

"Why the HELL would Kenny think this is funny?!" I snarled, ready to start beating the shit out of him. He looked up at me, his brown eyes very cold. I bit the inside of my cheek and watched him, untrusting. He walked over to me, almost unafraid, and spoke slowly.

"Because he knows what I know. You're a fucking idiot, Marsh." He said calmly. I blinked at him, but didn't move. "You said this wasn't about you. But isn't it?"

"What?" I asked impatiently. "Of course it's not!"

"Let's backtrack a bit. This fucking year you've been spending all of your time with Wendy. At lunch, during gym, after school; all but this _week_ you've done nothing but hang out with her or think about her. Yeah, you'd text the Jew now and again, but did you really pay attention to him like you used to? No. When Ike went off to college and he was alone in that house with his bitch of a mom and idiot dad, he needed you to be around more. Were you? Of course not. You were with that hippie bitch. When you finally had the chance to hang out with Kahl, did you? No. You blew him off and hooked him up with that slut so you could still hang out with that hippie bitch AGAIN. _Now_ he tells you that he's been cutting himself, his dad's a drunk, and you actually SAW his Mom drag him down the fucking block after shattering his phone. So what the fuck did you do?" he asked.

I stared at him, speechless. I had no words.

"Oh that's right. You came here to confront _me_ because he let it slip that we kissed, and you didn't like that very much. Well boo fuckin hoo. You want to blame me for something, Stan? Go ahead. Blame _me_ for finding the bruises he was trying to hide! Blame _ME_ for trying to stop him from slicing himself up again!" he grabbed me by the collar and pulled me close, eyes burning right into mine. "You're right. I've done a lot of fucked up shit. But you know what? This week, today, right NOW… It seems like _I'm_ the only one who cares enough about Kyle to actually help him. So if you want to hurt him some more, go ahead. Stop me from going to see him."

He let me go abruptly and I watched him hurry down the street. As he turned the corner, I sat down on the curb and held my head in my hands. I gripped my hair and cursed under my breath, letting the tears come.

_I'm so sorry…_

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

Once she shoved me into the house, I hugged the wall and backed into the living room. She slammed the door behind her and dropped her coat on the floor. I held my breath when she walked into the room. Her eyes burned into me with anger. She was a volcano just waiting to erupt. She might have terrified me, but I was too embarrassed to actually care at the moment. I broke the silence.

"Was that really necessary Mom?! Everyone in town was watching!" I exclaimed. She threw her heavy bag onto the couch and pointed a finger at me.

"This is all _your_ fault! Don't try to push this on me young man! You have a lot of explaining to before I lose my temper any more than I already have!" she spat and stomped over to me, inches from my face. I glared at her, really feeling hatred for this person who had taken over my mother. "Don't you give me that look!"

"I went to football practice so you wouldn't yell at me for wasting your money! Don't you pay for each practice, or am I just making that up?" I growled. She dropped her hand, her eyebrows slanting even more if that was possible.

"I don't appreciate that tone Kyle! Drop that sarcasm right now." She ordered. I bit my tongue and looked away. She grabbed my chin and jerked my head forward. "What more can I do about your behavior? You're getting unmanageable. You stopped doing your SAT prep, stopped going to temple with me, and you even started drinking! Now you've become violent!"

"_Oh _like you haven't." I spat looking her right in the eye. Her eyes narrowed and she slapped me across the face. It jerked my head to the side and really stung. I winced, feeling the burning sensation in the shape of a handprint on my cheek. She pulled my chin back, staring into my eyes once more. They were blank.

"Do you think I _like_ hitting you? _This_ seems to be the only way you learn ANYTHING!" she exclaimed, her spittle landing on my nose. "I will do anything I have to in order to get through to you! Because I love you! Now you better tell me why you hit that boy today!"

I paused and just stared into her face. She seemed to have aged ten years in one month. I could easily see multiple grey hairs throughout her red hair, and wrinkles seemed to be forming on her forehead. Dark circles were prominent under her bloodshot eyes and for a split second I felt bad for her.

"Mom…" I started in a quiet voice. "You seriously need some help."

She was taken aback.

"E-excuse me?" she stammered. "What? What did you say to me?!"

"I said you need some help. You're not yourself, Mom. It's like I don't know you anymore after Dad left!" I replied, raising my voice slightly. "My Mom would never hit me or force me to down a whole bottle of whisky and then smash me over the head with the empty bottle!"

"I never hit you with an empty bottle!" She exclaimed, her eyes full of genuine surprise. "I did that to your father! And don't you dare mention him again! I'm not the one who needs help Kyle! You tell me what that boy said to you that made you angry enough to hit him! You tell me right now!"

"Why the fuck should I, Mom?!" I snarled, seriously losing my temper. Her face started to redden. "You don't care!"

"Don't you EVER talk to me like that!" she roared and pushed me against the cabinet roughly which knocked a vase off of the shelf above my head. It shattered into tiny pieces on the floor, missing me by a few inches. "I have done nothing but care! I CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! DO YOU?!"

"WHAT FUTURE?!" I yelled, struggling against her. "I DON'T WANT THE FUTURE YOU THINK I DO!"

"WHAT WHAT WHAATT?!" She gripped my shoulders, digging her nails into my skin. I started to tear up at the pain, but forced myself to talk.

"I don't want to be a lawyer!" I admitted. She stared back at me, frozen. Wow. That…

_That felt good._

"…Yeah, Mom. That's right! I don't want to be a lawyer! I don't want to go to Harvard! I don't want to meet a nice Jewish girl and have a six kids! ALRIGHT?!" I tried to shove her away, but she held on.

"That's not funny, Kyle." She said quietly, unmoving. She started to tear up herself, but I needed to finish what I started.

"Mom," I said, determined. "This isn't a joke! You really want to know why I was getting so much crap at school? Because they all found out that I'm gay."

Her jaw dropped and she stared at me like I just shot her in the face. I bit the inside of my cheek and took a deep breath. It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"You…" she muttered in shock.

"You heard me right. I'm gay." I repeated, liking the way the truth sounded coming from my mouth.

"N-…No you…" she began. The tears in her eyes started leaking over. Almost immediately, the relief I felt was replaced with guilt. I looked her right in the eyes, my heart heavy at the sight of her slowly breaking down in front of me.

_I shouldn't have told her yet…_

She shoved me away and held her hand to her chest, almost collapsing into a large chair. She looked extremely pale and was breathing heavily. I swallowed in panic and worry, kneeling right in front of her.

"Mom? …Mom are you okay?" I whispered, gripping her hand. She looked at me, but it didn't seem like she was really seeing me. The hurt in her eyes ignited a pain deep inside of me.

"Y-you… gay…" she began, tears continuing to stream down her face. "You're sure? Are you s-sure? Y-Y-you could just be confused Bubbe…"

She looked like she was about to have a heart attack. I didn't want that to happen! Not because of me! I didn't want to do that to her…

_Maybe she's right._

I blinked a few times as I heard my own thought in my head. I never really considered the possibility that I might just be confused. What if I just assumed that because of certain thoughts…

**No.**

The thoughts I've been having and the way I had been feeling about Cartman… That _kiss_… That was genuine. That was real. That couldn't be confusion!

_Unless Stan is right about Cartman__. _

What if he was? What if this was all a plot to humiliate me? What if he only kissed me because he thought it would be funny? What if he really has been brainwashing me into trusting him?

_All of the things he's done before… Would he really ever change? Was he just manipulating me? Did he really care at all?_

And the way Marcus and Tyler made me feel…

Scared…

Vulnerable…

_Dirty…_

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to forget the way they touched me, suddenly having the urge to burn off all of my skin. If being gay made me feel this hated, manipulated, and disgusting…

If everyone was going to treat me this differently…

If it was going to destroy my Mom like this…

Maybe it wasn't worth it.

"Bubbe… My baby…" she stroked my cheek gently where she slapped me, sniffling and looking down at me with pity. "Who did this to you? Was it that boy at school? Is that why you fought back? My brave Bubbula… How dare they spread those rumors about you… Confusing you like this. Don't worry. You're staying home tomorrow. We'll go see the Rabbi and he can talk to you."

I stared at her as she pulled me into her arms. It was the most genuine hug she'd given me for a month and honestly… I needed it. I let her hug me and listened to her dangerously fast heartbeat.

"…Okay Mom. Whatever you want." I whispered into her shoulder. She kissed my neck, rocking me back and forth. I almost broke down in her arms as she rocked me. "I just want things to go back to normal…"

"I know Bubbe… I know. Mommy will make everything better. I love you, Kyle." She rubbed my back. My breath hitched in my throat.

_She still loves me… ME… Not just Ike._

"M-Mom…" I stuttered. "I… I'm r-really tired."

"Go on upstairs to bed Kyle. Mommy will wake you up at 8. Call me over if you need anything okay? Anything." She smiled at me. In that split second, I saw my Mom. Not that cruel stranger. But it was her. It was really her. I smiled back at her sadly and slowly headed up the stairs. I looked back, watching her clean up the broken glass.

I sighed and continued to my room, opening the door and shutting it behind me. I leaned my forehead on the door and heard someone clear their throat behind me. I looked over to see Cartman in the chair at my desk. My window was wide open I noticed and I raised my eyebrow at him. He smiled at me in that way I hate.

"What are you doing here, Fatass?" I asked in a very flat tone.

"C'mon, Jew." He replied and climbed up to the window. "We're going on a little field trip."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Author's Note: SURPRISE! TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL! Please don't hate me after this chapter :3 It will all come full circle I promise! I hope you guys trust me lol

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**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

I looked over at Kyle, who just kind of stood in front of the door. His eyes were very tired. I did my best to hide my concern, and leaned away from the window a bit. His hesitation was something I expected, but not to this extent.

"I don't want to go anywhere, Cartman." He finally said. "Now… if you don't mind, I'd like you to get out of my room. I'm tired."

I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but allowed myself to scowl.

"I don't remember asking if you wanted to or not, Jew." I replied. He stared back at me in irritation and I sighed a bit to myself feeling slightly relieved at the sight of his usual annoyance. Good. I hadn't lost him completely.

"…What if my mom tries to check on me?" he asked in that same dead tone I hated. I rolled my eyes and pointed at the lock on his door. He raised his eyebrows and locked it as if in a trance.

"There you go. Was that so hard?" I teased, tilting my head to the side. "You'll be back before she even notices you're gone, ginger."

Kyle stared at the door for a few moments more and looked back unsurely. Against my better judgment, I reached out to him with an open hand while still leaning on the window sill. He stared at my hand as if it were about to bite him. I reached a little closer to him and he glanced at me with fear in his eyes. I held my breath and hoped that whatever little bit of faith he had in me hadn't faded away completely. He finally took my hand and let me pull him up on his bed right in front of the window. If I didn't know any better, I'd share the Jew and I actually shared a moment. I finally broke our staring contest and led him up to the window sill with me.

"A-Are you sure you know what you're doing, fatass?" Kyle asked nervously. I laughed a bit and shot him a side glance.

"Do you trust me?" I replied. He looked away at that, not answering. He noticed that our hands were still intertwined and let go, blushing furiously as he did.

"…Just bring me wherever." He muttered under his breath. I expertly jumped from his window sill to the tree branch right near us and climbed over a bit, jumping from the tree to the ground and landing silently. I looked up at him and couldn't help the goofy grin that was plastered on my face. He looked so impressed.

"What's the matter, Kahhhl?" I asked.

"Since when did you get so… agile?" he smirked a little. I shrugged.

"Years and years of practice, Jew. Come on. We haven't got all night." I responded. He looked from the window he was sitting on to the tree and gulped.

"I don't know if I… How did you do that?" he asked while standing up on the sill and keeping his balance. "It's so far away."

"It's not as far away as it looks." I said pointing at the branch I grabbed. "Just reach out and leap over."

He blinked a few times and looked at the tree from all different angles, as if trying to figure out an equation. I rolled my eyes again and sucked my teeth.

"This isn't fucking Calculus you stupid Jewrat. It's just a tree."

"Shut up Cartman!" he hissed, face reddening once more. I smirked.

_So cute…_

He finally managed to back up a bit and leap from the window to the branch. He laughed a bit to himself as he gripped the bark.

"H-Hey! I did it! That was easy!" he said confidently.

"I told you so asshole. Now jump down." I replied. He looked down and hugged the tree tightly, swallowing nervously. "Oh don't tell me you're afraid of heights. God what aren't you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of heights fatass!" he retorted. "I just don't want to break my leg or something. That's really far down."

"Yeah but you're forgetting that I'm here." I chuckled and held out my arms. "I'm like a big safety net stupid."

"What?" he asked quietly.

"I'll catch you."

"No way."

"Just jump, Kahl." I growled impatiently.

"Yeah right! You'll just move at the last second and let me fall and laugh at me!" he spat. "I… I'm going back to my room."

"No you're not." I growled. "God damn it just fucking jump!"

"No!"

"Don't be a pussy, Kahl."

"I'm not a pussy you fat piece of shit!"

"Yeah-huh you are! If you don't jump that makes you a sand-filled vagina, Kahl."

"I don't have sand in my fucking vagina Cartman!"

"Then **prove** it you stupid fucking j-"

He growled under his breath loudly and jumped from the branch. I caught him of course. His weight felt like absolutely nothing as I secured him by hugging his waist the second he fell into my arms. He let out a high pitch yelp when he landed on me, wrapping his arms around my neck with his eyes squeezed shut. I smirked and let him down gently, steadying him. He let go of me and looked around a bit confused. I shot him a smug smile and he rubbed the back of his neck, turning a very light shade of pink.

"…Thanks… for not dropping me…" he muttered.

"WhatEVER." I chuckled and started walking up the block towards the town square, Kyle close behind me. "Remind me again how you got on that _football_ team when you're that light and skinny."

He fidgeted uncomfortably and looked away.

"I uh… Well honestly I don't know. Coach says it's because I have a good throwing arm or whatever. And… I'm a decent runner I guess."

"When did you realize you wanted to play football, Jew?" I asked out of sheer curiosity. Kyle glanced over to the side and looked at me strangely. I returned the look, waiting for an answer.

"Well," he began. "I only begged my mom to let me try out because Stan was trying out. I was just as surprised as he was when I got in and he didn't. I was going to forget about it, but Stan convinced me to try it out while he tried to get on the baseball team. By the time he got in there, I realized how much I liked football."

"…Don't you get tired of getting tackled and beat up by the other bigger guys? Or is that what you're into?" I teased him with a wink, but it seemed to depress him. He stayed quiet as we climbed up a hill near the railroad tracks. "…I was just kidding, Kahl. Geez."

"…I know." He muttered, avoiding my gaze. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize asshole. You're such a girl sometimes." I replied. Kyle looked up as we walked into the trees and passed a sign.

"Starks Pond?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I usually come here when I want to think. Or be alone. It depends."

"…Then why bring me here?" Kyle asked. I bit my lip slightly, not ready to answer that quite yet.

"So why football?" I asked again, avoiding the question as we walked by the frozen pond and sat down on a dead patch of grass. Kyle shrugged, picking at a few stray blades of yellowing green.

"I guess I just… I like being recognized for something other than my grades. I kind of like the rush I get when I narrowly escape five huge players right before they can grab the ball from my hands. As for getting tackled, it's not pleasant at all, but I deal with it." He hugged his knees to his chest. "I'm not as frail as you think."

"Hmph. That I've got to see one day." I chuckled looking over to him. He looked back at me in surprise.

"…What?" he asked. I blushed a bit and looked away.

"Just let me know when your next game is when you know." I muttered under my breath. Kyle laughed to himself a bit.

"You're serious? …Why?"

"Just do it." I growled glaring at him. "You ask way too many stupid questions, kike."

"DON'T CALL ME A KIKE!" he yelled, squinting his eyes shut and balling his hands into fists. I smiled from ear to ear when he shoved me over, glad I could still get a rise out of him. When he moved, I noticed a tear in his pants on the knee and a pretty nasty scrape under it. I held my hands up in surrender.

"Alright alright Jesus tap dancing Christ Kahl." I replied. He locked eyes with me and I matched his glare, but pointed at his knee. "Was that your mom, or did you get tackled a bunch today?"

He looked down at his knee and cursed under his breath, covering it with his hand. I raised my eyebrow and he seemed to get nervous.

"I…" he began. "Yeah I got tackled a couple of times."

"Twelfth graders right? I hear you're the only tenth grader on the team. Am I right, Jew?" I asked. He sighed and shrugged again.

"There's some eleventh graders but… yeah for the most part there's twelfth graders." He replied. "It doesn't matter really."

"It matters if they've been bothering you." I said. He looked over.

"Don't be silly, fatass. I get tackled all the time. It's how you play the game… you know for the most part." He muttered and poked at the ground. He noticed me staring and looked up at me. "…What?"

'_He's not telling you everything. I know he's not.'_

I blinked a couple of times.

_Thanks poor boy._

"You should tell me what happened at practice." I said. Kyle looked at me wide eyed and extremely flustered.

"N-Nothing happened at practice, Cartman."

"What happened after practice then? Did they make fun of you like the kids in school did or something?"

"Just drop it will you? Whatever happened doesn't matter." He growled stubbornly and looked away, shaking slightly. I felt a surge of determination swell in me and touched his arm gently. He flinched away from the gesture like my hand was burning his flesh through his jacket.

"…Kahl, it matters to me."

He shifted uncomfortably and looked over his shoulder a bit, glaring at me. I knew my gaze had warmth in it, and I didn't have the strength to make that warmth into a fake glare. Kyle noticed.

"…Cartman, don't." he almost whispered and looked into the distance. "I'm fine. I mean it."

"…Please tell me?" the words found their way through my lips without me really controlling them. Kyle stiffened for a moment and then relaxed, keeping his gaze forward.

"…I was in the showers and these two seniors, Marcus and Tyler, they heard the rumors going around in the school. They waited until everyone else was gone and tried to force me into a threesome." He said quietly. "…They let me go when I refused, but told me I'd pay for not doing what they wanted me to. I don't know what that means. …Listen fatass… I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but if you being nice to me is all a sick joke and you want to go tell everyone I almost had a threesome, then go right ahead."

I was speechless.

"…_I'll fucking kill them."_

_Kenny you're dead. You can't kill anyone._

"_Not for long!"_

…But I could. …I'd have to make big plans for those two.

"I'm not going to tell anyone." I said quietly. He chuckled at that and leaned into my arm a bit, sitting back. I was startled at the sudden contact, but was happy about it nevertheless. I looked down at him, his face still fixated on the scenery in front of us.

"Whatever you say fatass." Kyle muttered and leaned his head against my shoulder. I felt myself blush and leaned back into him.

"…Yeah." I replied quietly. We sat there for a while, him looking out past the pond and me staring at him. I couldn't help but enjoy the smell of him which was just a few inches from my nose. I almost closed my eyes when Kyle broke the silence.

"…That's a tall cliff." He said absentmindedly, looking out at the cliff in the distance. I raised my eyebrow.

"Uh… Yeah I guess." I said. He blinked a few times as he stared out, his face blank. Almost dull. That look worried me. "…Kyle?"

He seemed to snap back into reality when I called his name and looked up at me. His green eyes were shining curiously.

_Why can't I read his mind?_

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

He said my name again. Not in his usual degrading manor… but the right way. Like, how it's supposed to be pronounced and everything.

_Curse him for making me feel so…_

"I brought you here so we could talk about that kiss." He said.

_Shit._

"…What's there to talk about?" I replied, sitting up and instantly missing the warmth of his arm. "It's okay Cartman."

"…What do you mean it's "okay", Jew?" he asked, raising an eyebrow once more. I felt a deep sadness in my gut and looked at the pond.

"I don't care about it anymore." I lied. "…and if you're serious about being nicer to me, then be happy that I'm not upset about it. I know it was a joke, but… I'm willing to think of it like a stupid mistake instead."

He was silent behind me, taking in my words. I picked at my fingers.

"…the fuck are you talking about?" Cartman asked. "It wasn't a mistake."

I turned to face him and gave him a sad smile.

"This whole week has been a mistake, dude. I need to take a step back now and fix everything. Everything is changing now that we're growing up." I replied.

"You're damn right it is." He agreed. "But that doesn't mean I made a mistake that night."

"Well maybe you didn't, but I did Cartman." I said and stood up. "…I don't know what's been going on between us. Whether it started out as you messing with me and changed into something genuine or it still _is _you messing with me, I have to set things right."

Cartman stood up as well and blinked a few times.

"I don't know what Stan told you Jew, but he's fucking wrong. I care. I'm not fucking messing with you. I really care." He growled, very close to me. His breath was very inviting, but I stood my ground. I could fight this. This was controllable.

"…If you care, that's great. Friends are supposed to care about each other, Cartman. I'm glad you finally see that." I said, my throat growing dry. "I really am."

"Friends my fucking ass, Jewboy." He grabbed the front of my jacket and pulled me close. My heart skipped a beat, but I fought to keep my face emotionless. This was for acceptance, for my family's sake, and for my own dignity. I could see a flash of hurt in his eyes. "We were never friends, and we never will be friends. I fucking hate you and you fucking hate me!"

"That's fine too." I said quietly. I knew that pissed him off big time. The fist that was clutching the front of my jacket started to shake a bit. I watched him think of a response.

"…Stop acting like you don't care about this, Kahl. It's fucking bullshit!" he exclaimed, shaking me slightly. "You kissed me back!"

"It was a mistake."

"How can you say that?!"

"I was confused."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!

"It was a reaction from stress and-"

"That's a bunch of excuses! You're gay you stupid asshole!"

"No I'm not." I said, eyes burning into Cartman's. He seemed taken aback at that and let go of me.

"…the fuck?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"I said I'm not gay. I'm just confused. You're the main reason why I'm so confused fatass, so just leave me alone for a while. It's for the best. If you really care, then prove it and just be my friend." I explained walking away. "Or just hate me and stay away from me. It's up to you. I don't care either way."

"You shut your god damn Jew mouth!" he snarled and grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving. He pulled me close and I held my breath. "You look me in the eyes right now and tell me you're not attracted to me. Do it. I fucking dare you."

His eyes burned into mine as I felt his face get closer and closer to me. At first I thought it was him, but I realized I was actually the one moving closer. _Moses_, I wanted this… I wanted _**him**_…

_How can a feeling this strong and this amazing be bad?_

I noticed how his eyes softened in response and just before our lips touched, I stopped. My hand pressed into his warm chest, gently pushing him back. We stayed like this for a while, my eyes closed as he breathed in and out unsteadily. He knew I couldn't say what he dared me to. He fought against my hand, but I was firm.

"You can't cure who you are." He said quietly. "Don't fight this Kahl…"

"Eric…" I whispered, opening my eyes. "I've made my decision. I'm sorry."

He let go of me and his eyes grew extremely dark.

"So am I." he muttered. I tore my eyes away from him and headed down the path, my thoughts never leaving his face. I bit my lip, tears stinging my eyes. That was way harder than I thought it was going to be. I had no idea how deeply I felt for him…

_Feel for him…_

God damn it NO! I'm not gay! I'm not.

I hurried back to my house and with a lot of effort snuck into my room once more. Closing the window, I lay on my bed for a while and stared at the ceiling. I had to stop thinking about him. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths in and out.

I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay.

'_You can't cure who you are'_

Notgaynotgaynotgaynotgaynotgay…

'_Don't fight this Kahl…'_

GOD DAMN IT SHUT THE FUCK UP THOUGHTS!

I jumped up from my bed and went into the bathroom. Maybe if I just cut myself once or twice… everything would stop being so horrible. Looking around, I realized everything sharp had been stripped from the room. That included: My glass shard, all the razors, every single pointed curtain hook, **EVERYTHING** ALL GONE.

…ERIC FUCKING CARTMAN.

I went back into my bedroom and paced back and forth. I needed to punch something! Kick something! Anything!

_Just hold out until football practice. Then you can burn off the stress and it will all go away… _

Maybe if I talk to the Rabbi tomorrow and Mom is satisfied with how the meeting goes… She'll let me go to football practice. And then everything will be okay. …Unless she has a heart attack by morning because she thinks I'm gay and she can't take any more of my bullshit… and all of it would be my fault.

Just like the divorce.

And Dad's drinking.

And Clyde's broken nose.

And My Mother was absolutely losing her mind

Because of me.

_Sometimes I think everyone I love would be better off if I were dead…_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Author's Note: HOW ARE YOU GUYS LIKING THE NEW COVER FOR THE STORY?! My best friend drew it for me! He's the Kyle to my Cartman ;) Here's his link if you want to check out his other art: Please invade his page for me *heart* LOVE U ALL! Here's chap 19 for you :)

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**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

Kyle Fucking Broflovski.

I'd been up all night stuck in a constant shit storm of questions. I had been sitting on my couch and holding my head in my hands when I finally looked over at the clock that rested under the television.

**5:34am**

_So that's it, huh?_

He didn't want to let me in. After everything I'd done for him out of sheer compassion… And that was it.

Kyle just expected me to back off and allow him to fuck everything up that I'd done to protect him. In an attempt to run away from who he was? Like I was going to let that happen. I shuddered.

'_You're the main reason why I'm so confused fatass, so just leave me alone for a while. It's for the best. If you really care, then prove it and just be my friend.'_

Your friend, huh? …I never was good at being a friend. To anyone. I guess I never learned the 'proper' way to be a friend, if such a thing existed. Kenny was my friend. And Butters.

…But Kyle? Was Kyle my friend?

I closed my eyes and bit my lip in frustration. What I felt for him surpassed any amount of friendship I'd ever experienced with anyone. But at the same time, he fucking infuriated me. Every part of me with every little fucking thing he did. I hated that about him. I _hate _him. …But most of all, I loved to hate him. So… was hate _really_ the opposite of love? How could I feel two feelings that were complete opposites of one another at the same time? If hate _wasn't_ the opposite of love, than what was?!

'_It's up to you. I don't care either way'_

Kyle's words stung in my head like a knife through my chest.

_Indifference. _

The pain I felt was something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Not even Scott Tenorman. It started in the pit of my stomach and fooled me into thinking I had some bad gas. The churning and aching I felt deep in my gut would not sooth no matter what I did. I clutched at my stomach and closed my eyes trying to wait out the agony that writhed throughout my body.

_He doesn't care anymore._

I thought it was bad enough until the pain from my stomach shifted suddenly and without warning. Heaviness attacked my lungs, my ribs, and throat. It was a horrid tightness that engulfed my mind and forced me to concentrate on what I couldn't distract myself from. His stoic green eyes staring back at me. As if I wasn't there at all. Like I was invisible to him, nothing but a gust of wind.

I felt my heart throb in my ears, as if in pain. I clutched my chest and whimpered like a baby. Holy shit this fucking hurt. I screamed in my head, wanting it all to stop. Why wouldn't it stop?!

_My heart… was breaking._

'_I don't care either way.'_

'_I don't care.'_

Tears leaked down my cheeks and I cursed under my breath in anger. Is this what I had become? Because of a stupid ungrateful ginger Jew? _Me_… reduced to… **this.**

I buried my face into a pillow on the couch and screamed into it. I don't know for how long I screamed into the pillow, but it felt like forever. I let out my frustration, my agony, my rejection, EVERYTHING. Yet… it wasn't enough.

And then I felt her hand.

I stiffened when my mom touched my shoulder, embarrassed by how pathetic I must have looked. She said nothing as she rubbed gently and I closed my eyes, lowering the soaked pillow. Her hand was so warm… so comforting. I couldn't help myself as I leaned into her body and trembled helplessly. She wrapped her arm around me, mindful of her cast, and leaned her cheek against my forehead.

"Shhhh Eric… shhh…" she whispered, rocking me. "You are so loved, poopsikins. So very loved."

She didn't even ask what was wrong. She didn't have to. In that moment I was able to regain my composure. I looked into her eyes, never as grateful to have her than I was in this very moment. She would be there for me no matter what. I was her number one priority and she would always be there. As a protector, as an outlet, as a person I could always count on and love. In that moment, I realized something about Kyle.

Right now, at least in his stupid Jew mind, he was alone. Alone and hurting with no one to go to. …That's what he thought.

_I'm going to prove to him that I'm never going away. And whether he likes it or not, he's going to let me in._

There was a loud knock on our door and Mom jumped a bit, startled at the sudden noise. I stood up and walked towards it.

"Who would be here at this time?" she asked.

I opened the door and smirked at the sight before me. Kenny was leaning against the wall, arms folded and mischief plastered on his face. He pulled down his hood, shaking out his dirty blonde hair.

"Well," he glared at me. "Are we going to get these bastards or not?"

I felt a sudden surge of anger flow through me when I thought of those two twelfth graders and what they did to Kyle. A maniacal grin formed on my face as I began to scheme.

"You bet your ass we are, Kinee."

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V.**

I sat at the dining room patiently while Mom applied her make up in the mirror. It was very early in the morning, a little after 9 o clock. I drummed my fingers on the table nervously and tried to tune out the world. My head was pounding angrily while I attempted to ignore the horrible migraine that I was experiencing.

_Football practice._

"Bubbula are you ready to go?" Mom asked. I didn't respond.

_Football practice._

She grabbed her purse and looked over to me in genuine concern. She walked over to the dining room table and sat across from me, her hand reaching out until it found mine. I looked into her face but didn't know what I was supposed to say. I wasn't ready for anything anymore. I just wanted to go to football practice and see coach and be told I was actually good at something that I enjoyed. Her eyes were watering a bit as she squeezed my hand.

"Bubbe?" she said. "Don't worry. Rabbi Mortison has known you since you were four years old… You'll be able to talk to him. There's no reason to be nervous."

"I'm not." I said honestly. I didn't actually care about that.

"That's wonderful, Bubbe. You shouldn't be. He knows you very well and I'm sure he'll help you sort everything out in your head." She rubbed my hand gently, in reassurance. "You know why we're going right?"

"Because I'm confused about my sexuality." I replied in a monotone.

"That's right, Bubbe." She let go of my hand and stood up, cocking her head to the side. "Mommy and Rabbi Mortison will make everything better today and then you can come home and study for your SAT on Friday."

"…Yes, Mom." I said quietly. My SAT? That was the last thing on my mind right now. "…May I go to football practice first?"

"…If all goes well with the Rabbi, then yes. You may." She responded and headed for the door. I stood up and kept behind her.

_In other words, once he de-gayifies me._

As she opened the door and headed outside, I glanced back at the family photo on the wall. We stood in front of the town square; My mom, my dad, me, and Ike. We all looked so happy.

_Nothing good ever lasts._

"Bubbula come on we're going to be late." Mom called behind her. I sighed in a moment of extreme depression and turned off the light as we stepped outside. We walked towards the garage when a car pulled up next to our house.

"Kyle!"

I turned around and my jaw literally dropped. Ike and Dad were stepping out of their car and rushing over to me. I think I forgot how to breathe until Ike smashed into me with a crazy strong hug. My arms found their way around him as I hugged him back, trembling slightly.

"I-Ike…! What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed, refusing to let go of him. He clung to me just as desperately and chuckled.

"You think I was going to actually listen to you bro? Not likely." He replied and pulled away smiling at me, until his eyes fixated on the side of my face. Any sort of happiness left his expression.

_Shit._

"Sheila, listen I… I know I'm not supposed to be here but I missed Kyle and Ike wanted to come see him-" Dad began, but Mom put her hand in his face.

"Dave it Gerald." She spat and turned her attention to Ike. "Ike! Give Mommy a hug!"

Ike didn't move towards her, in fact, he sort of tucked me behind him and stared back at her like she was pointing a gun at us.

"Hey Mom." He said unsurely. "Why'd you hit Kyle?"

And there it was. Everything started to go fucking nuts.

"I… what? Ike! I would never do that!" she exclaimed, genuinely shocked. "How could you think that? It was one of Kyle's classmates at school!"

Dad and Ike looked back at me, no doubt their eyes fixating on the light bruise that sat across my cheek. I felt nauseous.

"Kyle, is that true? Did you get into a fight at school?" Dad asked.

"I… yeah. I did." I replied honestly. Technically I _did_ get into a fight.

"Why?" Ike asked. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"…It doesn't matter, Ike." I replied.

"Well where are you going?" Dad asked in concern. "You're all dressed up."

It was true, I was dressed up. I had a really dorky sweater vest on that Mom had picked out for me, as well as my brown dress pants.

And it was fucking freezing outside.

"Must you be so nosy, Gerald?" Mom snapped. "Kyle and I were on our way to the Synagogue. We were paying a visit to Rabbi Mortison. Nothing to get worked up about!"

"Sheila, I just asked." Gerald responded in a calm tone. "Calm down."

"I'll have you know I am perfectly calm!" she exclaimed, raising her voice. Ike turned to me and pulled me close.

"Did you really get into a fight at school?" he whispered.

"Yes." I replied quietly. "I broke Clyde Donovon's nose. …I didn't really mean to, but I got mad."

"I wish I could have seen that, bro. …You broke his nose because he hit you or he hit you because he broke your nose?" he asked. I sighed, feeling guilty. I couldn't lie to him.

"…Neither. He didn't hit me."

"I knew it." He growled, glaring towards mom. "…wait then why did you break Clyde's nose?"

"Kids were making fun of me because I thought I was gay."

"…thought? As in not anymore?"

"Yeah."

"Is that why Mom's taking you to the… oh dude that's bullshit." He chuckled. I glared at him.

"What?" I hissed under my breath.

"Look. Bro. I love you." He said, a hand reaching up to my shoulder. "But you're gay as fuck. Nobody is gonna change that, especially not you."

I opened my mouth to reply, but my Mom cleared her throat which made us both look up at her.

"Ike, Bubbe, I didn't know you could take off extra time from school other than holidays." She smiled. Ike shoved his hands in his pockets and shot her a fake smile right back.

"I can't." he said plainly. I looked at him with the same look my Mom must have given him. Except… there was a dark expression on her face. I couldn't help but feel that fear begin to bubble inside of me once more. I knew that face…

"…what?" she asked in a low rumble. "What is that supposed to mean Ike? What's going on?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Ma. I'm back home." He replied.

"E-Excuse me? Then you should be in school! Why aren't you?" she demanded, her voice abnormally high. Ike shrugged.

"I dropped out."

I looked at Ike, completely and totally astonished.

_He dropped out?!_

"WHAT WHAT WHAAAT?!" Mom screeched, making us both jump at the volume of her voice. "YOUNG MAN YOU BETTER BE KIDDING ME!"

"…no. I'm not. Mom I'm sick of medical school. It's boring and I dropped out. I'm gunna try out comic book writing and see how that works for me. It's way more fun anyway." He explained, waving her off. I felt my stomach drop into my feet when I saw my mother's expression at that very moment. Dad was looking at my face.

"Kyle…? What's wrong?" he asked me and followed my eyes back to Mom. Dad didn't even know what was about to come… But I did.

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF FUCKING MUFF CABAGE!" she screamed and lunged at Ike, but I pushed him out of the way just before the back of her hand connected with his jaw. Instead, it connected with mine and smashed right into my ear. The noise disoriented me as I fell to the concrete and scraped the side of my cheek, the air rushing out of my lungs. My vision blurred slightly from the blow to my head and I looked up, trying to make out what was going on.

Dad was holding Mom away from Ike who looked like he was about to shit his pants. The initial fear and shock that he must have felt seemed to subside and instead became hurt and anger. Ike wasn't able to stuff his emotions like I was, and I watched helplessly from the ground as they screamed at each other.

"MOM WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU FUCKING SLAPPED THE SHIT OUT OF KYLE!" He screamed and looked down towards me, his eyes full of pity. Mom was fighting against Dad's restraining arms with all her might trying to get at Ike.

"I WASN'T AIMING FOR KYLE YOU PIECE OF GAHBAGE HOW DARE YOU DROP OUT OF MEDICAL SCHOOL DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALLS I HAD TO MAKE TO GET YOU IN?!"

"Sheila STOP!" Dad exclaimed.

"DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAD TO PAY TO SEND YOUR ASS TO THAT EXPENSIVE FUCKING SCHOOL YOU UNGRATEFUL DEGENERATE DISRESPECTFUL SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SON! LET GO OF ME GERALD YOU ALCOHOLIC BASTARD!" She screamed. I noticed people started to stare from the streets, the curious neighbors poking their heads out of doors and windows. I closed my eyes shut just waiting for it all to be over. I kept them shut even as I felt Ike lift me up from the ground.

Even as the ambulance and police cars came and three men took her away in a strait-jacket and Ike held onto me like I was his only life line and as Dad held us both in his arms on the way to the hospital.

When I finally found the courage to open my eyes once more, I found myself alone in a white waiting room. I glanced over at the seat next to me and saw my brother and father's coats. I knew they'd be back soon and tell me Mom was in good hands.

_Even though she'd never even be in this hospital if it weren't for me._

Still.

I knew they'd be back soon.

I knew I wasn't going to see Rabbi Mortison today.

I knew that I would go to football practice no matter what.

…Because even after everything that had just happened, the only thing I cared about was getting to football practice at 5:30.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay you guys! This week has been really busy for me. The next chapter will be here sooner I promise :) I hope you all still love me! ^^ Enjoyy.

...

...

...

**STAN'S P.O.V**

Where the hell was Kyle?

It was already ﬁfth period and there was no sign of him. Although Wendy had tried to distract me all morning, nothing had worked. I was nervous. So fucking nervous. And rightfully so. I had no idea where my extremely depressed, abused, battered, self-harming friend was and had no way of contacting him.

What if he was getting the crap beat out if him right now? Or cutting the shit out if himself in the middle of an alley somewhere in South Park?!

Oh god!

When the door started to open in the middle of Mr. Prickclit's lecture I felt my breath hitch in my throat and my hopes raise up, only to be dashed by the entrance of Kenny McKormic and Eric Cartman.

Ugh I thought that would have been Kyle for sure! Why the fuck were they so late anyway?

"Excuse me boys, I'm sorry, I seem to be interrupting your leisurely stroll into school with my lesson." Mr. Prickclit snarled. Kenny shrugged and Cartman waved the teacher oﬀ.

"It's okay I forgive you." Cartman replied and took his seat. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his usual rude banter with people he should be respecting.

"Excuse me?!" The teacher barked. Cartman looked up and smiled wide.

"You're excused, sir. Shouldn't we get back to the lesson?" He asked innocently.

The class broke out in scattered laughter as the teacher quickly wrote out a detention slip and handed it to Cartman who just stuﬀed it in his pocket. The teacher returned to the lesson at hand and Kenny leaned forward, his head right next to Cartman's ear.

"Good job." He chuckled. "Must have been easy for you."

"Too easy." Cartman nodded. I looked over curiously and leaned a bit towards Cartman. We hadn't exactly spoken since our... altercation. But I needed to know if he talked to Kyle or not.

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked curiously. Kenny looked at Cartman with a mischievous smile.

"You should mind your own business, hippie. Maybe pay attention in class once in a while." He growled in annoyance. I felt myself get irritated.

"You're one to talk!" I hissed under my breath. "Did you talk to Kyle last night?"

He stiﬀened at that and glared at the ground, his face reddening slightly. I didn't like that look. I nudged him to try and get an answer out of him.

"Yeah. I did." He admitted, shoving me back. "Where is he anyway? In the bathroom?"

"Yeah is he okay?" Kenny added, deeply concerned. I felt sick to my stomach.

"Guys, he hasn't shown up to school yet." I replied. Cartman's head shot in my direction.

"What?!" He exclaimed, hands tightening into ﬁsts. The teacher slammed his book down to the ﬂoor making the whole class jump.

"ERIC THEODORE CARTMAN I AM ABOUT DONE WITH YOU TODAY!" Mr. Prickclit boomed. Cartman didn't even turn to acknowledge the teacher, his eyes still burning into mine. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SEE THE SCHOOL COUNCILOR?!"

Again, no acknowledgement from the Fatass. Figured. I couldn't break away from Cartman's eyes. They were perplexing me.

I could see the concern. And the panic. So he felt exactly how I did...

Did he? Was he really worried for Kyle? What happened last night?

"Eric Cartman! I'm talking to you!" The teacher snarled. Cartman ﬁnally broke our staring contest and glared at the teacher. I shuddered and the glare wasn't even directed at me.

"Yeah I can hear you." He growled. "You're not exactly subtle, sir."

"You want double detention?!"

"With all due respect sir, you can suck my balls." Cartman replied, getting up and gathering his things. The teacher sputtered, thoroughly ﬂabbergasted. I couldn't help but join the rest of the class in laughter.

Some things never change.

"Y-you...! I can't... Ugh you insolent-" the teacher began, but

Cartman cut him oﬀ.

"Yeah yeah I'm going to the fucking counselor. Son of a bitch." He growled and slammed the door behind him. Kenny leaned forward, this time at my ear.

"I know Cartman doesn't want you to know but... I think you deserve to get ﬁlled in. Let me tell you what's been going on." He said. I sighed in relief.

Thank you Kenny.

...

...

...

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

"Kyle."

I stared at the tile floor as people came and went. I must have been staring at the same spot for a couple of hours, because I felt like I was in some sort of blank trance.

"Kyle? Look at me. …Please?"

I felt Ike's hand on my arm and it took me a few seconds to gather up enough energy to lift my head. I felt so heavy. The way he looked back at me took me by surprise. There was a certain analytical glint in his eye, as if he was examining me. He touched my face and I didn't even blink, not even when he shined the flashlight app from his phone right in my eye. After a few seconds passed, the blinding light finally became too much for my vision and I blinked rapidly tearing up. Ike seemed to visibly relax at this, his hand still on my face as he cupped my cheek.

"Do you know where you are Bro?" he asked, concerned. I opened my mouth for a moment, and then closed it while I racked my brain for words to use.

"…I'm in the hospital with you and Dad." I finally spoke, my voice foreign in my head. Ike nodded with a faint smile on his face in response to the sound of my voice. He lifted what seemed to be a melted ice pack to my face and I didn't feel anything, my face already numb. Had the ice already been on my face? I didn't even notice.

"Kyle this isn't your fault."

_Bullshit._

"…Do you know what time it is?" I asked. Ike sighed in frustration.

"Is that the only thing you care about right now? This is like then ninth time you've asked me in the last hour." Ike replied somewhat exasperated. "It's 5:19. …Kyle talk to me."

"I don't know what to say." I said quietly.

"Do you want to know about Mom? I mean they didn't tell us much but they said she's going to be under surveillance until the morning. They think her violent outbursts have something to do with post-traumatic stress disorder. …I heard the doctor talking with Dad and apparently she's been bipolar since she was my age." Ike explained. I felt my eyebrow rise by itself in thought. "She's been off her medication for a month now, and apparently it's not the first time she's done this."

_Mom was bipolar? Has __**been**__ bipolar?_

…Honestly it made perfect sense. The last time I could remember her acting so out of the ordinary was the Canada incident. It began with her fighting to protect my innocence, and ended with her pulling the trigger of a gun twice. She even forgot that her own son was Canadian. Even if all had resolved itself at the end of the day, I would be crazy to say that it was just a caught in the moment thing. For fucks sake she caused a temporary War! She must have been off her medication. It made sense. But it didn't solve anything.

"Is that it?" I asked in a dead tone. "I should head out."

"Head out where?" Ike asked, gripping my arm. "Don't leave Kyle. You should really stay here with me."

I felt a surge of resentment pulse through my body. I loved my brother, I really did, but he was the last person I wanted to be around right now. He was just a reminder of who I was supposed to be, but couldn't. I didn't need his protection.

"Football practice." I mutter, shaking off his arm. "I'm going now."

"Bro stop plea-"

"GOD DAMN IT IKE! PLEASE STOP!" I boomed, enraged. "I don't need a big brother!"

I grabbed my coat and forced myself up; doing everything I could to ignore the words he spoke to my empty chair as I pushed through the double doors. No matter how hard I tried I could still hear his words sliver down my spine as guilt consumed me.

"…but I do…"

…

…

…

**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

"Eric I really hope you've learned your lesson, M'kay." Mr. Mackey droned on. "Of course I'm sure you didn't because you always end up back here, m'kay, but for my sake just pretend like you have. I'd like to go home M'kay."

"Of course Mr. Mackey." I replied with a fake smile. "Whatever was I thinking? It seems as though I had a temporary lapse in judgment but rest assured, I think I learned my lesson this time! Honest and true!"

"Spare me the bullshit Eric… M'kay?" Mr. Mackey sighed and sat back in his chair as there was a knock on the door. "Come in. Eric, we're done here."

Just as I expected, Tyler and Marcus walked through the door. Tyler seemed to be really anxious, while Marcus just seemed bored.

"Hey Mackey." Tyler muttered.

"A kid in an orange parka said you wanted to see us?" Marcus asked nonchalantly. Mr. Mackey raised his eyebrow.

"Uh… I don't need you for anything boys, M'kay. I don't know what you're talking about." He replied.

They looked at each other strangely, shrugged, and headed out of the room. Bingo. Time to work my magic.

"Oh my gosh no way no way!" I exclaimed running out of the room and shutting Mr. Mackey's door. They both looked at me in question. "Are you guys…? Oh my god you totally are! You're Marcus Littler and Tyler Vaughn! Holy shit!"

"Hey now calm down kid." Marcus chuckled. "Yeah that's us."

"What of it?" Tyler asked. "We have to go back to practice. Do you know us or something?"

"You are like THE COOLEST guys in South Park! You guys are sooooooo talented!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. "C-Can I please get your autographs?"

They looked at each other and seemed flattered, accepting the paper and pen I handed them immediately. I smirked as they scribbled their names onto the paper totally buying it.

_Heh. Idiots._

"What's your name kid?" Marcus asked curiously, budging Tyler. "He must have caught the game last month."

"Of course I did! I catch every game!" I explained with a gleam in my eye. "I'm Eric… but that doesn't really matter. You guys are like my role models! You'll both be super famous one day! I know it! Tyler, you're like, the fastest guy on the field! And Marcus you have the strongest throwing arm in the whole world!"

"I don't know about the whole world now." Marcus blushed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Don't give him too much of a big head, kid. He'll never shut up." Tyler replied and handed me the paper, which I took. "Anything else you need from us?"

"Just… ugh you guys are just so awesome and… oh I don't know if I can ask you guys… I don't want to be a bother…" I looked away in a shy kind of way, touching my finger to my cheek. Tyler and Marcus looked at each other and then back at me.

"What is it, Eric?" Marcus asked. Tyler raised an eyebrow.

"Well…" I began. "You see… it's my birthday today and I-"

"Happy birthday kid." Tyler interrupted me, stuffing his hands in his pockets. I felt a twitch of annoyance pulse through me, but I shrugged it off. Ugh. They were such tools.

"Oh my god thank you!" I replied excitedly and continued. "Anyway it's my birthday and I'm having a dinner with some friends at Bennigans tonight at 6: 30. I friggin DIE if you guys came. It would be the best gift ever! …of course… I'm just a silly sophomore so I understand if you don't want t-"

"No we'd love to!" Marcus smiled. Tyler looked at Marcus like he had six heads.

"Marcus! We can't! We have practice until 7 and it's like 6 o clock now. Coach will kill us." Tyler said, obviously irritated. Marcus rolled his eyes.

"Oh don't be such a stick in the mud, Tyler. You know that if I put in a good word for you, coach won't do shit. He's my dad after all." Marcus laughed. "Besides. This kid is our first real fan and it's his fucking birthday! We should totally go."

"Ugh. Fine, whatever." Tyler replied. I felt the grin spread across my face quickly. YES. Everything was going to work out. "We'll see you later tonight Evan."

"It's Eric." I growled slightly out of character, but Marcus ruffled my hair playfully as they walked away. When they were out of sight I pulled my phone out of my pocket and held it to my ear.

"…Jacartha?" I smiled a most evil smile. "Yeah. I have a job for you."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Author's Note: Sorry for the long awaited update :) I hope this was worth the wait. This story is coming to a conclusion and the excitement literally has my heart pounding as I write. I hope you all feel the same way as you read it! Enjoy my lovely readers…

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**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I stomped my way down the block, heart pounding in my ears as I tried to block out all thoughts. This was proving to be really fucking difficult as I found myself constantly slipping between counting each step I took and repeating Ike's words in my head.

'…_But I do…'_

God damn it he didn't want to me to leave him there alone!

_Football practice._

Now he's probably crying in the waiting room because of me…

_Football practice._

GOD DAMN IT! WHO CARES ABOUT FOOTBALL PRACTICE?!

_I do._

I closed my eyes tightly as I turned the corner to the school which was just getting out. I put my sleeve over my face in an attempt to hide it, as if that was going to make a difference. One glance at my big green hat and everyone would automatically know it was me.

I bit my lip and walked faster than I had in my entire life, making somewhat of a dash for the football field next to the school. Somehow I managed to avoid everyone and made it to the field. With a relieved sigh I headed straight for the locker rooms, only to be stopped by a warm hand on my shoulder. I turned, surprised to see Clyde right behind me. All of the color drained from my lips and I opened my mouth to speak; only nothing came out.

He blinked a couple of times at me, his eyes holding a slight heat in them and he let go of my shoulders shoving his hands into his pockets. He seemed to want to say something to me, but kept his jaw clenched. I couldn't help but stare at the bandage across his bruised nose and knew that he couldn't help but stare at the obvious gashes on my face. We stayed that way for a while, just staring at each other's wounds and saying nothing.

"…Coach wants to see you before practice." Clyde finally said, breaking the silence. And then he was gone. He made a dash for the locker rooms where the other team mates had been gathering, never looking back at me as if doing so would cause him pain or something. I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry.

Oh well. At least I'd get to see Coach.

I made my way to his office which was just a shed-like building under one of the bleachers. Although it was relatively small, it got the job done well enough. At least that's what Coach told me last December when I had helped him reorganize his filing cabinet.

I knocked twice and let myself in, a hesitant smile plastered on my face. The room was dimly lit and Coach was sitting on his desk, scribbling something on his clipboard. He looked up at me.

"Take a seat, kid." He said quietly and turned away to put his clipboard under the desk. My brow furrowed, extremely confused.

Kid?

Coach had called me a lot of things over the last two years. Kyle, Sport, Half-pint, Freckles, even Son. …But NEVER had he called me Kid. What the fuck was that about? How strange.

I sat down, a bad feeling deep in my gut. I let my bag fall to the side of the chair and cocked my head to the side, watching as Coach looked over at me. His expression was kind of… blank. This, again, was strange because he had never looked at me in such a way.

_Was I in trouble?_

"I've been informed of an incident in the locker room." Coach finally spoke, folding his hands and placing them on the desk. I blinked a few times, instantly thinking of Clyde. God damn fucking nark!

"I… I can explain that sir. I just lost my temper and I was honest with you before when I was late and you asked me why! I told you I got into a fight a-and I did… with Clyde. He just said some bad things about me in front of the guys and I-"

"What are you talking about?" Coach asked in confusion, effectively cutting me off. I stared back incredulously, my mouth shutting.

"…You aren't talking about Clyde? With what happened a couple of days ago?" I replied, blinking a few times. He sat forward.

"Well of course not. Whatever you're talking about didn't happen during practice or on the field, so I don't really give a rat's ass about that. I'm referring to yesterday in the showers at around seven o clock." Coach explained. My heart sank.

_He knew about that?_

"I… I can explain Coach. I just didn't come forward with that.. w-with what happened because I… I wanted to forget abou-"

"You're off the team."

…

…

…

**KENNY'S P.O.V**

"I-I'm not so sure about this fellas…" Butters stammered nervously picking at his dress pants as he sat in the booth next to me at Bennigans. "If my parents find out that I'm helping E-Eric trick a couple of s-seniors, well then they'll ground me."

"Some things are worth getting grounded for Butters." I replied, my hand resting gently on Butter's knee. He looked down at my hand and blushed visibly, but I didn't move my hand away. I smirked at him playfully.

"Kenny's right dude." Stan agreed. "We're all here because we care about Kyle. And those pricks deserve what Cartman's planning… whatever he's planning. …I mean as long as he doesn't go too far."

Stan glared over to Cartman who was looking out the window and checking his phone every so often for text messages from some criminal he hired. All in all it was a really decent plot, Bennigans being my idea and the revenge being his. I made sure we wouldn't get blamed for this.

_Hopefully Stan doesn't mess things up with his guilty conscience…_

Cartman seems to hear my thoughts and looked over raising his eyebrow, only to turn back to the window in deep thought.

I couldn't help but smile over at Cartman. He was getting so involved in this… and for a good reason. Though, he was taking things a little too far like he usually does with things he really cared about. Usually that entailed getting his own revenge, proving his point and shoving it down everyone's throat when he was sure he was right, or shoving something the fact that he won a bet in Kyle's face.

But this time…

There was no bet. No right or wrong scenario. This had everything to do with Kyle and nothing to do with himself. Cartman was determined to defend Kyle's honor.

And when Cartman was determined to do something, he sure as fuck got it done. I couldn't help but admire the guy.

He spends the majority of his life alone and selfish, never letting anyone in his personal bubble, until Kyle unintentionally shoved his way inside of it. And now there was no going back. Not for Cartman. His bubble was popped. Now that Cartman had let Kyle in, he was determined to keep him there. Even if that meant he'd have to drag him back kicking and screaming. Usually I'd step in and tell Cartman to back off and leave Kyle alone, but…

Dare I say it; Cartman might just be the one person Kyle needs the most right now. This love couldn't be one sided for another second.

Everything was coming full circle, and at this point only two things could happen. One- they surrender to their feelings and end up together, temporarily or otherwise, or Two- both of them would keep going the way they are and end up falling apart.

I really need to stop getting this swept up in my friend's personal lives. Eh. It's not like there's anything more entertaining to do around this stupid town.

"K-Kenny?" Butters mumbled. "W-well your hand's on my knee."

I laughed and looked over to him squeezing slightly and enjoying the ridiculously adorable blush on his face.

"I know." I replied. "And it's staying there."

…

…

…

**STAN'S P.O.V**

He just kept looking out that stupid window and staring at his stupid phone.

_UGH!_

"Dude they're either coming or they're not! Just sit down already! You're making me really nervous." I grumbled. Cartman turned his head slightly and shot me an annoyed glare.

"Nervous? What's the matter hippie?" Cartman growled with an evil glint in his eye. "Never planned an assault before?"

I shivered looking into those cold eyes. What the fuck did Kyle see in Cartman? Has he ever even seen this side of him? He'd been like this all day at school. That merciless cold look in his eyes really gave me the fucking creeps. When he was in this kind of mood, I liked to do my best and keep on his good side.

"N-No dude they deserve this…" I mumbled. "I mean, yeah, I'm a little afraid about getting in trouble. There… there could be a better way of doing things though. Like, instead of handing them off to some criminal maybe we could… ugh I don't know. It just seems inhumane. I…I've never done something like this before and-"

"Well I have." Cartman spoke in a crisp tone and he stood up, slowly walking over to me. "I know what I'm doing and I'm proud to be doing it. They're lucky I don't take this a step further for what they did to Kahl. …Don't be such a pussy, Stan."

I cleared my throat nervously as he sat on the table and looked me dead in the eye.

"Dude." Kenny chuckled looking over at Cartman. "Chill."

"Y-Yeah Eric you're kind of f-f-freaking me out…" Butters mumbled. Cartman glanced over at Butters, his eyes softening slightly. I should have shut up. I really should have, but I couldn't help it.

"I… I'm not a pussy." I said. Kenny smacked his forehead as Cartman turned back to me, his eyes burning into mine with amusement. I gulped.

"Is that… so?" He taunted and leaned forward, inches from my face.

"D-dude get away from me." I almost whispered, genuinely freaked out. "W-Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm just curious…" Cartman purred, folding his arms. "You think you can handle this like the big boys? That you can be a part of the plotting? I didn't want Kenny to tell you for a reason."

"A-And why is that?" I demanded, getting angry.

"The same reason we didn't let Butters plot with us butthole. You're both big floppy pussies." Cartman sat back, with a condescending glint in his eye. Butters head perked up.

"Oh geez you guys…" he murmured. "I don't think I'm a pussy…"

"Yeaaaahhh… you kind of are." Kenny replied affectionately.

"…oh." Butters replied. I got angry at that.

"Oh come on! I am NOT on the same pussy level as Butters is!" I exclaimed. People looked over at us from the bar stools and I quieted down. "C…Come on Kenny. You don't think I'm a pussy right? …r-right?"

Kenny looked over at me for a moment, in thought, and pursed his lips with a small chuckle.

"I don't know Stan…" he said honestly. "You haven't exactly… seen everything me and Cartman have seen."

"Or done." Cartman finished with a dark look on his face. Kenny nodded his way in acknowledgement.

"Yeah. That too." He agreed. I swallowed in confusion.

"L-like what?" I asked in a quiet voice while looking at the smirking duo of apparently very dastardly deeds. Kenny opened his mouth to answer me, but Cartman cut him off suddenly, right in my face.

"Well for starters… have you ever watched the light leave someone's eyes?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and smiling in a sickening way.

"You mean like watched them die? Y-yeah." I mumbled. Cartman chuckled in a strange way.

"Not like that." Cartman said quietly. "Up close. Inches from their face while you hold them and watch their life slowly fade away as they stare back at you, knowing that you're the reason that they're dying. Knowing that you will be the last thing they see and that the truth will die with them."

I felt a shiver run down my spine, my mouth growing dry.

"I…" I had nothing to say to that. So he continued.

"Maybe you know how it feels to shoot someone at point blank range? The fear looking back at you, silently pleading you for mercy… but you have none for them. And you just blink while you pull the trigger…" Cartman chuckled, obviously remembering when he had done that himself. "After you drain them to the point where there's nothing left for you to exploit… once someone has wronged you and you have the opportunity to get even… and you DO… there's nothing like it. Just ask Scott Tenorman."

"Oh hamburgers not that story!" Butters cried out and covered his ears, ducking into Kenny's jacket.

"D-Dude…" I breathed starting to feel nauseous.

"Trust me." Cartman grinned evilly. "I know how to deal with this shit. You want to know what it's like to saw through a person's flesh? To rip them limb from limb and cook them into food? I would do it again just to see the look on his stupid ginger face one more time. Successful vengeance is like paradise to me. I find it calming. Worth every drop of blood and every scream for mercy."

"Y…you're insane…" I covered my mouth, a sudden shot of pain going right to my stomach and I turned, puking on the floor. Cartman laughed at my reaction as the waitress ran over to clean it up. His eyes were victorious and I glared back at him wiping my mouth and coughing.

_I guess I am a pussy… But that's just disgusting… _

"I think he's had enough Cartman." Kenny growled, annoyed. "Stop scaring Butters."

Cartman glanced over towards the window and smiled.

"Here they come. Remember the plan. We chat them up, offer them some of my birthday cake, and tell them we have a curfew so they walk out together. Don't forget to tell them how special they are. Really inflate their fucking egos." He rubbed his hands together.

"W-Why would we do that?" Butters asked looking up. Kenny chuckled as I looked at them in a matching confusion.

Kenny and Cartman exchanged dark glances.

"Because," Kenny grinned. "Then it'll be all the more traumatic when we take their futures away from them."

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bump_

_Ba-bu… … …_

"…W…what?" I barely managed to whisper once my heart started back up again. Adrenaline rushed through my veins as I began to panic. He didn't just say what I thought he just said.

_No. No. There's no way…_

"I said you're off the team. That kind of behavior is simply intolerable on this team." Coach said firmly, his eyes angry.

…Well now it was my turn to get angry. And I was **fucking pissed.**

"What. Kind. Of. Behavior." I growled through clenched teeth. "I have no idea what you're talking about god damn it!"

"I find that hard to believe." Coach replied blinking a couple of times. "You sexually assaulted two teammates in that locker room yesterday evening after practice."

My heart dropped.

_**Fucking. Marcus and Tyler.**_

"No! I didn't!" I exclaimed standing up. "They're lying!"

"Take your seat." Coach said calmly. "I already reported this to your school."

"R-REPORTED?!" I boomed. "REPORTED WHAT?!"

"You're obviously confused about your sexuality, and that's understandable, but that does not give you the right to force others into doing inappropriate things, _especially_ during my practices. Sexual harassment is very serious. You're very lucky that they didn't report you to the police." Coach said. I was at a loss for words. I just blinked at him in shock. "…Well?"

"Coach…" I breathed shaking my head. This couldn't be happening right now. "Coach you've got this all wrong! All of it!"

"Really?" he raised an eyebrow in doubt. "How?"

"UH FIRST OF ALL," I scoffed. "I didn't sexually harass ANYBODY! THEY sexually harassed ME!"

"That's not true." Coach said confidently.

"YES IT IS!" I exclaimed desperately, my face reddening in panic. "W-WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!"

"I think you need some serious help, kid." Coach said in pity.

"No I don't!" I slammed my hands on his desk. "Everyone keeps telling me that and they're WRONG! I don't need help! I just need football practice! Marcus and Tyler did this to me because I wouldn't have sex with them!"

"Be quiet!" the coach wrinkled his nose up in disgust. "Don't you dare say that! Marcus would never do that!"

"Marcus is the one who told me he would make me pay for not doing what they wanted me to and now they told you I'M a pervert just to get me off the team! It's ALL A LIE!" I yelled at him.

"If you're really the victim in all of this then why didn't you come to me to report it?! HUH?" Coach yelled back at me. I blinked back tears, lip quivering.

"B-…Because I… I was afraid and I didn't want to… I… I don't know why I didn't I just…" I stammered trying to find words. Coach's eyes hardened stubbornly.

"That's a real coincidence, kid. Really hard to believe." He growled. I felt something sharp and painful in my chest.

"S-Since when do you call me kid? What happened to son?" I whispered, shaking my head and not caring how stupid I sounded. "I thought I was one of your favorite players…"

"Things change." Coach said.

"Why is it so hard to believe that Tyler and Marcus did this to me?! They're bullies Coach!" I exclaimed.

"No they're not. They are respectful and responsible future athletes and students. They would never prey on other boys in a locker room." He said standing up. "Never!"

"AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD?!" I boomed, throwing my bag to the side angrily. He seemed taken aback. "THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY BECAUSE TYLER AND MARCUS HAVE YOU AROUND THEIR FUCKING FINGER! THEY'RE THE PERVERTS! THEY'RE THE ONES TRYING TO-"

"You need to lower your voice! There is NO WAY Marcus would-"

"YES HE WOULD GOD DAMN IT! HE HELD ME AGAINST THAT WALL IN THE SHOWER AND-"

"NO SON OF MINE IS A FUCKING FAG!" Coach shrieked.

My jaw dropped and I was shocked into silence. Coach seemed to compose himself and cleared his throat.

"…Excuse me for that." He mumbled.

"…so that's what this is about…" I whispered backing up. "…you don't care about what happened in that locker room at all."

Coach looked over at me, eyes blank. I backed up and hit the wall, the reality washing over me.

"What are you saying?" Coach asked, his bro furrowing. I shook my head, talking to myself more than to coach.

"…Me even suggesting that your son might be sent you into a rage and yet… you'll still deny it. And he'll get away with whatever he fucking wants because you'll cover for him. You'll believe all his lies. Nothing I say to you will change your mind because the second you found out I might be gay, you lost all respect for me. Even if nothing happened in that locker room… you would still find a way to kick me off this team." I said quietly to myself, my body shaking. "…so… so that's it. Isn't it? That's really it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about ki… Kyle. I really don't." Coach said, his voice softening at the dead tone of my voice. He walked around his desk and stood in front of me. "…Let me get you some help, alright? Maybe when you feel better you can come back to the team. You don't have to feel the way you do about boys. You can feel the same way about girls. I know that Marcus would never do those things, so you can stop lying to me. Marcus told me-"

"I don't care what Marcus told you." I said, looking right into his eyes. A numbness washed over me. "I'm done."

Coach blinked a few times, confused.

"What do you mean?" he asked. I shook my head and looked him right in the eye.

"None of this matters anymore… You have yourself a great night Coach." I said simply and turned walking out of the office.

I walked out of the field as stray rain droplets hit my face and everyone's words echoed throughout my mind.

'_WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!'_

'_Don't touch me homo.'_

'_And we're just supposed to trust that you're not thinking about all the disgusting things you could do with us? It's not like you can help it you fucking queer.'_

'_We heard you swing for the same team… Have some fun with us… We know you like it.'_

'_Do you think I like hitting you?! This seems to be the only way you learn ANYTHING! Y-you… gay? You could just be confused Bubbe…'_

I felt tears prick my eyes and clenched my fists as I walked slowly down the street, ignoring anyone who passed by. They didn't matter to me. Nothing mattered to me. The voices were so loud in my head… I just wanted everyone to be quiet.

I closed my eyes but kept walking as the rain started to pour down.

Silence… Until…

'_**You can't cure who you are…'**_

….Cartman was right. There was nothing I could possibly do to cure myself. There was nothing. Nothing.

There was a time when I closed my eyes and I could see my future. I saw myself successful with a loving family behind me and an exciting life. Now all I could see was the back of my own eyelids and all I could hear was the disappointed and angry screams of the ones I loved so much. …Maybe it was time to give back a little.

To do them a favor.

To do the world a favor.

To get rid of the source of their screaming.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Author's Note: Hey all! I know I've really been spacing out these updates but it's for good reason. I'm taking my time with the last few chapters because: ONE. It makes for delicious suspense and makes it all the more worth it when you guys can finally read it. TWO. The story is coming to an end and I want it to last as long as it possibly can. THREE. I'm working on a super secret side Kyman project that will be an entire story in itself that I will be posting here for all of you guys to read. *HINT* It may or may not involve a locker room. …I have a thing for locker rooms. It's a problem. STOP JUDGING MEEEEEEEE xD just kidding. Here's 22!

…

…

…

**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

The police sirens rang in my ears as I stared at the sight before me. Two EMTs walked behind me and a blanket was placed around my shoulders. As I looked over to Stan I couldn't help but smile a bit. The police were distracted and talking to a couple of witnesses as I headed over to the hippie, not minding the weather.

It was pouring rain, and I mean POURING rain. Stan stood there motionless as the heavy and cold droplets were ambushing him mercilessly.

The pale bastard had puked his fucking guts up at least three times.

He clutched the blanket that was draped around him and visibly trembled as he watched a couple of medics ease Tyler onto a stretcher. I greedily looked on as he whimpered into a bloody cloth, his legs mangled beyond belief. The metal pole that Jacartha had used was laying on the floor, a couple of police officers huddled over it no doubt collecting the evidence. I pulled my headphones on and played some music to block out the wail of the continuous police sirens in the distance.

Marcus was a blubbering mess in the corner while he was being tended to, covered entirely on one side in his own blood. His arm was gone, severed clean off a few feet away from him. He was clearly in shock as the medics attempted to ease him over to Tyler. He just kept screaming.

I stood next to Stan and looked over nonchalantly, freeing one of my ears from under my headphones so I could hear him, that is, if he even answered me. The poor pussy was obviously traumatized.

"Are you sure you want to see this hippie? The only reason I'm still here is to admire my own handiwork." I admitted sheepishly, shoving my hands in my pockets. "You should have went home with Kenny and Butters before this all went down. It would have saved you your fucking dinner."

I pointed to the ground where he had puked several times.

"How…" Stan breathed. "How do you always get away with doing things like this to people…? And… And do you really think they deserved this? …N-no. They did. They did deserve this… but…"

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself. I wouldn't have gotten away with this if it wasn't for Kenny, but I still would have done it regardless. Kenny really was a silent genius. I'd have to remind myself to give him more credit in the future.

He was always pretty stoic throughout the years when I'd tell him about plots I had for certain people. He'd usually admire the cleverness of them, unless of course, I was planning to hurt someone he cared about like Butters. Honestly, Kenny was the only reason I stopped seriously messing with Butters. Even though he was always really interested in most of my plots, he never actually became a part of one. Until now.

It was Kenny's idea to stage my fake party at Bennigans. It was Kenny's idea to do some serious digging on Tyler's family life. All I had to do was plant some fake evidence…

We sort of lucked out with Tyler. Apparently the kid had an older brother who was already incarcerated for shooting up his private school in Michigan. Always wanting to be the popular jock and never getting to, plus the convenient scholarship Tyler had just received… it was a decent motive. All I had to do was plant a fake phone call between Jacartha and the brother.

Apparently that was all it took. Of course, it didn't really matter to me at this point. Revenge was so satisfying, especially with the lovely sound of Marcus's blood curdling screams forever carved into my memory. That and Tyler's broken sobs.

Marcus's throwing arm had been completely cleaved. He would never throw a football again. As for Tyler, Jacartha made sure to target the spine and disfigure his legs for good measure. He would be bound to a wheelchair forever.

It really was a job well done.

"Cartman…" Stan finally choked out. "Why? Why did you do all of this for _Kyle_?"

"Why. Why indeed." I said quietly and looked over to him. "I think you know the answer to that hippie. I hate him."

"I know you do…" Stan mumbled looking over to me and shaking his head. "I know you hate him."

"I fucking hate him." I repeated and blushed slightly. "So naturally... at the same time… I'm in fucking love with him too."

Stan's eyes widened at my sudden admission and he looked away awkwardly. He trembled again.

"Dude that's so weird… to hear you say something like that. It… ugh…" Stan covered his mouth again. "I'm sorry but…"

"It is weird." I replied. "But it's just as weird as this stupid town isn't it? …Just as weird as all of the other random fucked up shit that happens here."

Stan looked over at me and cracked a really small smile.

"I guess Fatso." He murmured. "…Things are never going to be the same anymore are they?"

"If everything stayed the same forever, we'd all be boring r-tards and nothing interesting would ever happen to any of us asshole." I rolled my eyes. "Sometimes you just gotta…"

"…Take a left turn?" Stan finished raising an eyebrow. I scoffed.

"That sounds really gay." I replied with a laugh. "What kind of fruitcake told you that?"

"Take a guess dude." Stan snickered. I shook my head, instantly knowing and took a deep breath.

"Stupid Jew." I smiled to myself. My phone rang in my pocket suddenly and I didn't hesitate to answer it, sliding my headphones fully off so that they rested on my shoulders as I pressed my phone to my ear and sighed in slight annoyance. "Talk."

"Ike just called me." Kenny said in a panic. I raised my eyebrows.

"Why?"

"His mom got taken to the looney section of the hospital and Kyle left there like an hour ago and he's not at practice. Clyde is the last person who saw him and he just told me that Kyle was called into the Coach's office, came out, and just fucking left. He didn't go change or have his bag or anything! I think he got kicked off the fucking team!" Kenny exclaimed angrily. "I think those assholes got their revenge on Kyle before we got revenge on them! Dude do you have any idea where he could be?!"

I took a few unsteady breaths and Stan looked at me in concern.

"Dude? You okay?" Stan asked.

No. No I wasn't.

"Cartman! Answer me!" Kenny yelled in my ear.

Yeah, Kyle was dealing with a whole lot… but would he really…?

"GOD DAMN IT CARTMAN! HELLO?!" Kenny exclaimed. I closed my eyes, Kyle's words echoing in my mind.

'…_**That's a tall cliff.'**_

"I'm on it." I finally said into the phone and hung up abruptly. I turned to Stan my eyes wild.

"I need you to go over to Kyle's house and tell his dad that he's staying over at my place." I said quickly. "Got that hippie?"

"Um okay dude… But why?" Stan asked. I shook my head.

"No time." I said and took off in a run down the street towards Stark Pond. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, my stomach doing flips. I couldn't, no, **wouldn't** let this happen. There was no way in hell.

My feet pounded against the damp pavement, running through puddles and even hopping a fence or two as the rain continued to fall around me in a race against time.

_GOD DAMN IT!_

_Wait for me, Kyle._

_Don't do it._

_Don't you dare fucking jump._

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

The climb was a challenge, but I didn't really pay attention to the strain in my back as I pushed forward and up the rocky slope. The higher I went, the shorter my breath came and the tighter my chest grew. Every part of my body cried out for me to stop, but I was already more than halfway there and knew I was close to the top.

My fingernails scraped the top as I groaned loudly and hoisted my body over the peak of the cliff. It was very strange to pull myself across grass. Grass? What was grass doing here? I looked around once I finally reached my destination, also surprised to see a large tree. I forced myself to my feet and stumbled over towards the old and tall plant. The wind was really picking up and I was soaked to the bone, shivering violently.

I'd be lying if I said it was from the cold.

Being up here was exhilarating. To know I climbed that high up and that quickly was something to be proud of. If only I had the emotional capacity at that moment to feel pride.

_To feel anything but the emptiness_.

I touched my hand to the damp bark and felt a slight warmth. A fading life. This tree must have been hundreds of years old. It was greying with age, its branches wilted and crumbling. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to the bark as well.

"You must be in pain." I whispered to the trunk, my hand slowly sliding down. "No kids playing on you, no dogs sleeping in your shade, all of your leaves decided to abandon you just because you grew somewhere… a little different."

I closed my eyes as the wind picked up, the icy rain hitting my face as I shivered there. My eyes opened again, I walked over to the very edge, and made the mistake of looking down.

_Holy shit that's a long drop…_

I took a step back, only to feel my back hit the tree trunk. I was trapped there it seemed… Trapped between a sturdy wall and the edge of a cliff. It really seemed to summarize everything I was going through. This was my choice.

Stay here just like the tree must have been doing for years, completely isolated without anything to hold dear, or I could take my fate into my own hands and escape.

…Would I really escape the pain?

_It's gonna fucking hurt when I die._

…It WAS gonna hurt. Probably a lot. But at least maybe the fall would be nice. Like… like flying or something.

It would hurt when I hit the ground, but what was a better solution?

Stay where I was surrounded by the people who I just couldn't seem to stop hurting and be in a constant state of emotional agony? Or suffer through a momentary flash of unbelievable pain followed by the merciful nothingness of death?

The second choice just seemed like the most logical, but as I inched towards the edge again, vertigo smacked me right in the face and I was scared.

I was fucking scared.

GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! I CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY KILL MYSELF! I'M SO FUCKING WEAK!

I bit my lip really hard and hung onto the tree trunk with both of my hands. Then, with a sharp breath of air, I let one arm drop, leaning over the edge. I stared at the long drop and felt tears well in my eyes. I swung slightly, dangling only by one hand holding onto an old piece of tree bark. And it was slipping.

_I can do this… I can do this…_

And then… I saw his face in my mind. Thunder crashed loudly, making my body jump at the sudden noise. My hold on the bark slipped even further, but I didn't care.

I remembered how he smiled at me for that first time, that real genuine smile. And how his eyes screamed with worry when he found my bruises… How his lips felt pressed against mine.

…I was in love with him. And he deserved better.

I felt the emotion start to rip through my chest and I let out a shaky cough, choking back a sob as tears blurred my vision of the rocky ditch so far down below. The pain was coming and it was bad.

It was so so fucking bad… I couldn't feel it anymore. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. Not like this. Not alone.

Just as my fingers slipped from the damp bark and I tipped forward into an unavoidable free fall, I felt a strong warm and large hand grip my wrist. It pulled me back so quickly, I hardly had time to inhale as I fell into something solid and soft, two arms roughly wrapped around my chest effectively trapping me where I was.

A voice at my ear.

"Don't you fucking dare."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Author's Note: Thank you guys for being so FREAKIN PATIENT! I love you all! Enjoy this extreme, and I mean EXTREME Kyman fluff. WARNING- Attempted suicide. May disturb some readers.

I hope it was worth the wait you guys :3 Let me know!

…

…

…

**KYLE'S P.O.V**

I knew I wasn't in my right mind, and I knew it too. I fought against him, my chest heaving and broken cries of frustration and fury tearing from my lips.

"LET GO OF ME!" I cried, struggling against his grip as though his very touch was torturing my soul. "FUCKING GET OFF GET OFF JUST GET THE FUCK OFF!"

Cartman fell to his knees as he held me close, his grip unrelenting and restricting. I don't know for how long I fought against it, kicking and screaming as tears leaked down my cheeks. He was as still and stubborn as a brick wall, his arms holding me close and slowly dragging me from the edge of the cliff.

"CARTMAN PLEASE JUST LET ME GO!" I begged at the top of my lungs, my throat raw from the desperation of my anguished pleading. I clawed at his powerful arms, sobbing. "PLEASE STOP FUCKING STOP L-LET ME GO!"

"I can't…" he spoke in a strained voice, his lips at my ear.

"YES YOU CAN! JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE!"

"No."

"CARTMAN I WANT TO! I WANT TO! LET ME GO I FUCKING WANT TO DIE GOD DAMN IT!"

"I don't care what you want."

"FUCK YOU!" I snarled and flailed sending us both to the drenched and muddy ground as the rain poured and thunder reverberated through the clouds. "I FUCKING HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!"

"I know." He spoke calmly and tightened his grip around me, the breath leaving my lungs. He held me to him no matter how much I struggled and in that moment I realized he wasn't going to let me go. This was yet another battle I couldn't win.

I threw my head back and screamed with everything I had left in me, all the rage and anger washing over me as the rain hit the both of us. I had no energy left in me to fight or scream. The pain was so horrible, everything so loud. I trembled in his arms, my body going limp. His embrace turned into a softer one as I felt him turn my body around. Somehow my face ended up in his chest and my arms wrapped around him, fingers clawing at his back.

I choked and sobbed into the soaked jacket, my body heaving with emotion and pain. I wanted it to be over. I wanted ALL of it to be over. Couldn't he see that?! It was the one thing no one was going to be able to take away from me and he fucking stole it! He was forcing me to live! And I had nothing to live for!

Cartman pulled me closer to him as he backed up only to lean his back up against the tree behind us. His arms were strong against me when I tried to pull back.

"No." He said firmly, and slammed my face right back into his chest. I tried to protest, but it was pointless. My body was just so worn and my sobs so sporadic that I automatically gave into him this time. I could hear his heartbeat against my ear and I squeezed my eyes shut trying to concentrate on that and that alone.

The minutes passed like that, though they felt like hours to me, and I stayed like that against him as the rain only seemed to fall harder with each lingering second. Slowly his breath came in and out again moving my body with each inhale and exhale. The hysteria started to make its way out of my body and realization quickly washed over me. My eyes opened about halfway and I stared out past the edge of the cliff, lightening streaking across the sky.

I just tried to kill myself.

I lifted my head to look at Cartman's face. He was staring straight ahead wordlessly. His expression was almost unreadable. And yet… there was a relief in his eyes. A calmness I couldn't possibly comprehend. His head tilted slightly and my breath hitched in my aching throat when his chocolate eyes met mine.

They were soft and another flash of lightning reflected in them as his hold on me loosened. I knew I could break away from him, but I had no urge to. In fact, I think it might have hurt worse than any of the pain I'd felt if I did. Thunder clashed and vibrated through the ground louder than anything I ever heard, and for some reason it scared me enough in that moment to whimper and cover my ears while squeezing my eyes shut.

I felt his hands on my trembling wrists as he gently forced me to lower my arms, freeing my ears. I didn't dare open my eyes, for what reason I did not know. I just couldn't in that moment.

Even as I felt his touch leave my skin and something foreign placed over my head, I didn't open my eyes. I guess I didn't want to see anything else like the lightning or hear that deafening thunder. I just wanted to block out the sound of the rain.

It was when music blasted in my ears that my eyes were finally able to open. I was kind of confused at first, but then I realized there were headphones over my ears. Cartman shifted my position as an eerily familiar instrumental claimed all of my attention, and I didn't even mind it when he sat me next to him and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I let him pull me in and rested my cheek over his chest under his arm.

I couldn't help but sigh in relief at the distraction. The music was so loud it was able to block out all the noise of the storm around me. I stared up at him, wanting to say so many things.

I wanted to apologize for screaming at him.

I wanted to thank him for stopping me.

I wanted to ask him why he stopped me.

I wanted to convince him he shouldn't have stopped me.

Instead I closed my eyes and laid back into his damp warmth. The music carried my mind away and I imagined I was somewhere else and happy and free. The music swelled and I listened, actually trying to concentrate on what the song actually was.

'_I'll give you everything I can… I'll build your dreams with these two hands…We'll hang some memories on the walls…'_

My brows furrowed, the melody suddenly very familiar to me.

'_And when… Just the two of us are there… You won't have to ask if I still care… Cause as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all…'_

My eyes shot open and my heart started thumping violently in my chest. No. No friggin way. It wasn't…?

'_And I swear…'_

It was.

'_By the moon and the stars in the skies…'_

He was playing this song on purpose.

'_I'll be there…'_

My mouth sort of hung open slightly and a warmth burned my cheeks as I was brought back to that basketball game years ago…

'_I swear like the shadow that's by your side… I'll be there…'_

I chewed on my lip not really knowing how to process this. A smile threatened my lips but at the same time, an extreme irritation fought against it. I slowly turned my head to him and couldn't help but glare at him and he wasn't even looking at me. He was staring straight ahead with a smug grin on his face.

Just… really?

'_For better or worse, 'Til death do us part, I'll love you with every beat of my heart… And I swear…'_

God damn it.

Somehow, as stupid as it was, I knew he was trying to talk to me through this stupid gay ass song. I knew the words and at the same time, it was like I was hearing them for the first time.

As the music swelled he finally turned his head to look at me and both of our expressions instantly changed. The way he was looking at me made my stomach flutter and I felt like nothing else mattered. At all. The air between us felt electric, and I was being pulled in like a fucking magnet. My heart throbbed painfully against my chest, encouraging me to get closer and closer.

Our lips met.

The headphones slid off my head, forgotten even as the music could be heard faintly resting on my shoulders. I exhaled against his lips and used all the strength I had left to prop myself up and wrap my arms around his neck. Cartman moved his hands to my waist and pulled me back into his lap as I deepened the kiss.

I needed this… I needed HIM so desperately…

And he knew it.

His lips caressed mine in such a soft and gentle way that I couldn't help but melt into his arms. They cradled my body as he kissed me, smoothing over the damp shirt on my back and making my whole body shiver with warmth. He pulled his arm away and unzipped his jacket, shedding it while somehow keeping a hold on me AND maintaining our ongoing kiss.

I pulled away only when it became too much of an effort to hold my head up. I closed my eyes and rested it on his shoulder as he carefully lifted me up and stood. I couldn't resist even if I wanted to. I opened my eyes halfway and stared back at him while he wrapped his jacket around my body. I didn't even realize how cold I was.

It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now.

Except Eric.

…

…

…

**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

He was very easy to lift. I knew he wouldn't be able to walk, so I was more than able to carry him in my arms. I'd done it a few times before in the past.

The rain fell around us both, but I did my best to shield him from it by hovering my head and neck over his body as I started the cautious decent down the cliff. I was more than content with Kyle dosing off against my chest. That was much better than screaming like a maniac and trying to hurl himself off a fucking cliff.

I blinked a few times, wanting to free my mind of that painful image. It took everything in me to be strong while seeing Kyle like that. It didn't physically hurt to hold him down, but the emotional trauma alone was so agonizing. To see Kyle go through all of that fucking bullshit and then break down the way he did. I can't say I was surprised, in fact, I'd seen it coming for a few days. The jew could only handle so much before snapping in two, but I was NOT going to let him break.

I don't really know how I was able to stay so calm. I just kept telling myself that he wasn't dead yet. I was so fucking afraid. I glanced down at Kyle's face as I was halfway down the cliff and felt my heart skip a beat.

_If I was a few seconds later…_

I shuddered and shook my head. No. I needed to focus on getting Kyle back to my house and out of this fucking mess of a storm. This wasn't the time to scare myself with what ifs.

I finally managed to get back to the pond. Climbing that cliff was a feat in itself, but, to climb back down with someone else in my arms? THAT was fucking badass.

I smiled, proud of myself. I was basically a badass, wasn't I? I got revenge, saved someone's life, and climbed up and down a really fucking tall cliff ALL in one day. Kick ass.

I headed out of Stark's Pond, knowing I wouldn't be going back there for a good while. My hold on Kyle tightened ever so slightly as I turned and took a short cut around town. No one needed to fucking see this. They wouldn't mind their own business and the last thing they needed was to bump into 'concerned acquaintances'.

Kyle did NOT need that shit. Not now.

I was in mega turbo ultra-protective mode, and I was not coming out of it anytime soon. If anyone found out what Kyle just tried to do, then he'd be locked up just like his mother. That wouldn't help him it would just pull him down further, and I was having none of that fucking bullshit.

I headed down the road and felt Kyle's hand weakly tug on my soaked shirt. I glanced down and couldn't help but smile softly at him. His eyes were shut and he was breathing deeply, completely tuckered out. He was probably fighting to stay awake, but was obviously barely conscious. Yet somehow he looked more peaceful than he had in weeks.

I knew I was close to home and headed up the alley and through the fence. The streets were very empty over the other side and I slipped into my backyard. I fished the backdoor key out of my jacket pocket on Kyle's side and turned it in the lock while skillfully balancing Kyle in one arm. He really was light as a fucking feather.

Once inside I dropped the keys on the counter and shut the door behind me. My mom got up from the couch and headed over quietly, eyes full of concern. I pointed upstairs and she nodded going up ahead of me to get the door so I wouldn't have to.

I nodded to her in thanks and carried Kyle into my room. She got my warm and furry blue robe from the bathroom door and laid it out on the end of the bed before going back downstairs to call Mr. Broflovski. I gently eased Kyle on my bed and he stirred, his eyes opening with slight confusion.

"…Cartman…?" he rasped shivering, his lips a light blue. I helped him sit up, eased him out of my jacket, and pulled his soaked shirt over his head gently.

"Don't make it weird Jew." I joked and shot him a warm gaze as I stripped him of his wet clothing. He said nothing in response, but a very weak smile spread over his face. I was actually glad he didn't try to speak again. The Jew was a really loud fucking screamer when he wanted to be, and he most definitely blew out his voice for a couple of days. I pulled off his pants and shoes, draping my robe over his body and making sure it wrapped around him well.

Our eyes met and his were full of gratefulness and exhaustion. I cupped his cheek with my hand and eased him down to the pillow, sliding my thumb over the skin under his eye in a loving caress.

My phone rang and I moved away from Kyle to pick it up.

"Is he okay?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah. Spread the word." I replied and hung up. Kyle chuckled and I looked over to him. "What's so funny?"

"Hnnothing…" Kyle laughed breathily. "You're just so rude."

I couldn't help the smile that engulfed my lips.

"Fuck you Jew." I said quietly and started to shed my own damp clothing, reaching for my pajamas and changing quickly. Kyle watched tiredly and chuckled again.

"Fatass…" he grumbled in his worn out voice. I pulled on my pants and finished buttoning up my night shirt before walking over and kneeling beside him.

"You want food or something?" I asked placing my hand on his idly. Kyle shook his head, eyes drooping.

"N-no… M'tired…" he mumbled. I nodded.

"I know. Get some sleep." I replied and started for the door, when I felt Kyle's hand wrap around my wrist and pull me back weakly.

"W-where are you going?" he asked in a higher pitched voice. I froze, looked back, and my heart almost broke. His eyes were big, glassy, pleading watery emeralds. His grip was weak, but trembled with effort around my skin and I looked down at it, only to look back up.

"I was gonna sleep on the couch… thought you'd want your space." I said honestly and he sat up a little trying to pull me over. I let him and kneeled beside my bed once more.

"Don't…" he whispered biting his lip and a tear trailing down his cheek. "I-I was wrong before so… so wrong."

I reached over with my free hand and wiped away the tear from his cheek, caressing his skin with my thumb in the same way.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Kyle." I breathed.

"…S-Stay… P… Please Cartman?" he pleaded, shivering under my hand. My thumb grazed against his lips and he closed his eyes as if savoring the gentle touch. His lips parted under my finger as I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to his.

He exhaled into the kiss similarly to before and a warmth made its way down my spine as he kissed me back, his arms finding my neck again. I climbed into bed with him and grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around the two of us. Coincidentally it was the same blanket Kyle had given me years ago. When our lips parted, Kyle's head instantly rested over my heart and his eyes drooped, fluttering shut. His arm rested across my chest and he took a deep breath.

"You kept it…" he whispered before falling asleep in my arms. I cradled him to me and rested my head in his crazy jewfro. I didn't realize how tired I was myself, how exhausted my body had become throughout the long and draining day.

Kyle's quiet snoring comforted me in a way he could never know. The sound of it was not just cute, but it meant he was alive. Those calm breaths were what slowly lulled me to sleep.

It was the best sound in the fucking world.


End file.
